THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN S sports kansan.com Thursday, September 8, 2011 Every week our sports staff will answer your questions about anything sports. Tweet us your questions @UDK_Sports COMMENTARY WANT YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED? CROSS COUNTRY RUNS TOGETHER PAGE 8 ger tha games a the MiKansas ounce most t Oct. 10 hawks deficient th But win of time K games. Its n headin lowed by Tha Kansas punch! Star, forth the huge l staff lecach mirror young Gill h wins Capita five will be of the Oklah on a beat leaves Tech as wi the s bowl son, ties t Be reser the n nabb Nort erage the games 17 ror Ho the ga MORE TEXAS DRAMA NOT SO EAST AGGIES NOTICE WESCOE WIT // GIRL: There are freaking scratch marks on my shoulder, Guy: Haha niice. GUY: β€œIt cracked his ass up!” GIRL 1 "It's by accident though." GUY 2 "You're getting your masters by accident?" GIRL 1 "Yeah..." GIRL1: "My grandmother has old timers, it sucks" GIRL2: "Old timers?" GIRL1: "Yeah, old timers. You know, like, the disease." GIRL2: "You mean Alzheimers?" Girl 1: "Oh! That's why my professor was looking confused when I told him." GUY: "She is one of the top five ugliest girls on campus..." GUY 1 "I don't know what she's doing, something on the floor." GUY 2 "I think she's trying to fix her style." GUY 1 "I documented it." GIRL. "Being in class today had me confused about my faith...I need to go to church!" NADIA IMAFIDON WHAT IT'S LIKE // TO GIVE A LAP DANCE > We know you're curious ... | BY KARMA AS TOLD TO NADIA IMAFIDON | During the summer of 2011, a University of Kansas senior (stage name Karma) went with her friend to a strip club and walked away with a new job. Although her intention was only to act as emotional support for her friend's audition, Karma was pressured by some of the girls working into auditioning herself. She has been dancing at the club since. Contributed image At my job, I am an actress. I have a big dressing room where I get all dolled up and make good mone. It's the way I go about getting money that bothers some people. I wear a yellow metallic dress with cut-outs on the sides and six-inch platform heels for six or seven hours a night. Generally married men provide me with a paycheck. They could tell me they invented a flying car that is going on the market next year and I'll support them. I'l stroke their arm and drape my legs over theirs. You do what it takes within bounds to get cash. A man was about to leave when I sat down next to him. He only asked for one dance and I wasn't going to turn down $20. He ended up buying 12 or 13 dances. I led him into the VIP room. You may think that old guys have problems getting it up but that is not the case when a yougn, hot, half-naked girl is on top of them. I'm straddling him and rubbing up against him and I can feel it. He starts to breathe heavily. He tries to nibble on my ear and slip his hand down my thong to touch my crotch. I forcibly grab his wrists and push his hands down to his sides to make sure he understands that that is not allowed. Just like that, I embrace my character. As Karma, I'm really into the lap dance, moaning loudly, gyrating against him, rubbing his face and grabbing his thighs. I'm not actually thinking about the fact that I am grinding up on a man in his sixties. I'm not thinking about the massive bruises that line my inner and outer thighs from long nights of pole dancing. Instead I'm spacing out, repeating one phrase to get me through the night. I'm making money, I'm making money. I go through the routine but I'm not actually there. I made between $250 and $300 on just this one guy. I'm young and I have a good body, People judge me for what I do but I don't let it bother me. I make good money. It's kind of dirty money, really. You can read Karma's anonymous blog at karmaschronicles.blogspot.com. Humanitarian Bowl. Last week in their opener, they put up 49 points against Army, a touchdown more than Kansas scored against FCS opponent McNeese State. Its top two running backs each averaged 9.9 and 7.3 yards per carry, and their quarterback, senior Chandler Harnish, threw for five touchdowns. So yeah, Northern Illinois is good. Good enough for Vegas oddsmakers to make them nearly a touchdown favorite in Memorial Stadium on Saturday. Kansas football is still a year or two away from doing any kind of damage in whatever conference it will be in, but a 2-0 start that includes an early upset could do wonders for a young team looking to firmly remove that rearview mirror from its perch. - Edited by Lindsey Deiter sophomore quarterback Jordan Webb averaged more than 20 yards a completion, including three touchdown passes that were all more than 25 yards. Coach Turner Gill and his staff would like to see a similar effort from their team this Saturday against Northern Illinois. "I think the other thing that's going to be important for us is making sure that we have a 2-to-1 ratio when it comes to big plays," Gill said. "I'm talking about 20 yards or more that we need to be 2-to-1 ratio as far as our big plays in our favor versus them with the plus 20 yards." Kansas ran the same amount of plays as McNeese State on Saturday, had the ball for nearly ten minutes less, and scored 18 more points than its opponent. Offensive coordinator Chuck Long said the big plays that were present Saturday were missing from the offense last season. JORDAN WEBB Sophomore quarterback "Big plays are huge in college football," Long said. "It's very "We feel like we have a running game that is built for explosive plays." opened the second possession with a 30-yard run. The freshmen running backs added playmaking capabilities as well. Darrian Miller averaged 4.8 yards a carry and Tony Pierson averaged 14.6 yards a carry. 2 "We feel like we have a running game that is built for explosive plays," Webb said. "We can get the 70 and 60 yarders out of the running game just as easy as the passing game." Even though the run-game is full of playmakers, the receivers are without one of their top players. Senior Daymond ASHLEIGH LEE/KANSAN Freshman receiver laCorey Shepherd, who caught three passes for 107 yards and two touchdowns in his Kansas debut, will replace Patterson with his 4.5 speed. The newfound, ground-heavy attack is far away from the spread offense Mark Mangino ran, but that doesn't mean that a more balanced style won't provide just as many opposing defense-killing, scoring opportunities. "When you look at steady offenses like that in the past, they are traditionally run-play action pass teams and a lot of times they get open," receivers coach David Beaty said. "They don't have a whole lot of passes in the game, but a lot of times they count for big points. That's the direction our offense is headed in." β€” Edited by Jennifer DiDonato Sophomore quarterback Jordan Webb hands the ball to freshman running back Darrian Miller. "We did exactly what we wanted to do. We ran the ball and as quartbacks and receivers we made the plays that we needed and that's the team we need to be," Webb said. Falkenstein to announce Legends of the Phog game That familiar Max Falkenstein drawl will return before college basketball season even begins. A MEN'S BASKETBALL Falkenstein and his iconic voice will join Dave Armstrong in broadcasting the Legends of the Phog alumni game at 4 p.m. on Sept. 24 at Allen Fieldhouse. The game is now officially sold out, according to Kansas Athletics. Brian Hanni and Bud Stallworth will announce for the Jayhawk Radio Network, which will broadcast the game to the state β€” KCSP (610 Sports) in Kansas City, WIBW (580 AM) in topeka and KLUN (1320 AM) in Lawrence. Max Rothman ( )