FEATURE
taught to set the agenda," he says. "They feel they are entitled to their needs." He says women, however, think they need to fight for fairness regarding issues they strongly believe in.
Dolan-Del Vecchio offers James Carville and Mary Matalin as an example of political opponents who manage a relationship without politics becoming a problem. Carville worked as a campaign adviser for Bill Clinton in the 1992 presidential election, and Matalin worked on George H.W. Bush's campaign as a strategist to get Bush re-elected in the same election. And yet, Dolan-Del Vecchio says they learned to negotiate the differences. The couple has been married for 15 years and has two daughters.
friends listen to what he has to say, and he listens to what they have to say.
"It's their beliefs, their opinion, and that's what they think. I have my reasons for why I think the way I think. I don't really get defensive about it at all," Matheis says.
Diana Carlin, professor of communication studies, says couples should attempt to try to understand and respect their partner's beliefs. Politics is a value and emotionally laden issue in relationships, and politically mixed couples may give each other issues to think about when discussing politics, but they are not going to admit change in political beliefs right away.
That's how Carlin and her husband have learned to deal with being registered with different political parties. She says that, when they discuss politics, they usually talk in a lighthearted fashion, but also have serious conversations. She says each of them is willing to concede when the opposing party makes sense.
"While it's important, you realize it's not worth jeopardizing a relationship," she says.
A couple who has the same political affiliation should be a less complicated stroll to the voting booth. But Gina Burrows and George Dungan could only be so lucky. Both are members of KU Young Democrats, and Burrows, vice president of the group, says she and her boyfriend of nine months, Dungan, communications director of the group, supported different candidates in this year's Democratic presidential primaries. Burrows, Salt Lake City junior, backed Sen. Hillary Clinton, while Dungan supported Sen. Barack Obama.
In February, when the two caucused for their respective candidates in Lawrence, they were on opposite sides of the building during the caucus. Dungan, a Lincoln, Neb., junior, says the experience of being on opposite sides was more fun than anything because he knew Obama was going to blow
Alyson Beach had no such luck during the 2004 presidential election. The 2007 graduate broke up with her now ex-boyfriend of one-and-a-half years just before the presidential election between Democratic Senator John Kerry and Republican Governor George W. Bush. Her ex-boyfriend is more conservative, she says, and it wasn't a coincidence that they broke up just before the election.
Clinton away in delegate support. Burrows also says that during the six-month delegate battle between Clinton and Obama, friends made jokes and assumed because she was dating Dungan. Burrows would be an Obama supporter, too.
Burrows is now an Obama supporter, and both she and Dungan support Obama's pick of Sen. Joe Biden as his running mate. She says she and her boyfriend also bond over questionable political moves of the opposing party, such as Sen. John McCain choosing Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate. "We both unified over the outrage for Democrats, and me as a woman," Burrows says.
"He would see something for Kerry and I would see something for Bush and it would just escalate to something unnecessary," she says.
Burrows says when Clinton conceded in June, it was an "l-told-you-so" moment for her boyfriend, but the couple has managed to strike a balance of knowing when to joke and when to be respectful of one another. It helps that they have a similar political basis to return to if discussions become too heated, she says. Dungan says most of the time he enjoys having different opinions so they can actually talk and discuss politics and not just always agree.
Beach says she is more of a passive person when it comes to bringing up politics, and she says her ex couldn't resist making remarks when politics came up. The two are still friends and can now actually discuss politics without fighting, she says. Because the two aren't attempting to make a relationship work, fewer obstacles are present.
"It's nice to be with someone with the same political leaning,but it's even better when she's her own person with her own views," Dungan says.
Politics was definitely a factor in the breakup, she says, and now is more wary of dating guys with strong political differences in the future.
"It definitely made me gun-shy about the whole thing," she says.
Couples can learn to accept each other's beliefs without feeling threatened, says Lawrence clinical social worker Ruth Shadel. She says that couples who disagree on issues such as politics should attempt to actively listen. Active listening involves one person explaining a point he or she is attempting to make, and the other person explaining back what he or she heard.
"It's not a matter of agreement, but to understand what they are saying." Shadel says. Active listening helps clarify why certain issues, such as politics, could be a problematic factor in the relationship.
Shadel says couples who are attempting to actively listen usually fall into one of two categories. One person has the fear of confronting the situation and chooses to avoid the situation entirely.The other can't resist,pushing his or her beliefs on his or her partner instead of keeping his or her beliefs to his or herself.Either factor can lead to conflict and can hinder understanding to accept differing beliefs without feeling threatened.
Lori Hutfiles, former Democratic state representative from Johnson County, has her 13-year "conflict" under control. She is in a politically un-unified marriage and met her husband, Mike, in Topeka while he was
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Celebs take sides, too
- Lauren Conrad of The Hills and Laguna Beach fame clapped for Republican support at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner in April, but she remained silent for Democrats. Her Hills co-star and ex Brody Jenner supports Barack Obama.
- Actor James Caan donated the maximum bid ($4,200) to Sen. Hillary Clinton's presidential bid campaign, but he's now a supporter of Sen.
John McCain and attended the 2008 Republican National Convention.
- Politically oriented celebrity couple Republican California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and journalist Maria Shriver are supporting different presidential candidates in this year's race. Schwarzenegger, following his party's suit, supports Sen. John McCain, and Shriver, niece of former President John F. Kennedy, supports Sen. Barack Obama. The couple announced their support of the two candidates within four days of each other. They've been married since April 1986 and have four children.
October 23, 2008
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