FEATURE
Red and blue don't always mix
While U.S. politics are heating up headlines, politically mixed relationships are feeling the burn
By Matt Hirschfeld mhirschfeld@kansan.com
When my friends and I get together, it can sometimes be a political lovefest. Most of our political thought is like-minded, but we have one friend (yes, only one) who is of an opposite political affiliation, and he always remains quiet. We attempt to playfully antagonize him, and still not a peep.
"You should never discuss politics with friends," he says as a rule of thumb.
We concede and back off. We're friends—we can avoid politics to keep the peace.
The same can't be said for intimate relationships. Couples share their lives—including politics—with each other, and silence isn't always an option.
Couples with different political affiliations can have a difficult time knowing where to draw the line when America's politics get confused in the politics of a relationship. Couples can feel as if they are voting against their partners when voting for political beliefs and values. Some know when to call it quits and leave their beliefs on the ballot, while others can't resist the urge to push the hot button issues to the point of ruining a relationship.
Clarissa Unger has answered her campaign phone, "Kansas for Obama," ever since Sen. Barack Obama was tapped as a Democratic presidential candidate. As deputy state coordinator for Students for Barack Obama, the Colby senior is heavily involved in electing Obama as
president. She's so involved that, in part, it cost her a relationship.
She had been dating her now ex-boyfriend for almost a year and when the story
She had been using the term for almost a year, and when the state primaries and elections began to heat up before the end of last year, she started spending more time campaigning. Her ex, a Republican, became upset because they weren't spending enough time together.
"There was one point when he told me that he thought I was more interested in the campaign than I was him, which actually I think was probably true," she says.
"He wasn't too excited about it at that point, and so I spent New Year's Eve with Barack Obama instead of him," Unger says.
Men's and women's different expectations about political beliefs affect how couples communicate the issue, says Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, author of Making Love, Playing Power: Men, Women, and the Reward of Intimate Justice. "Men have been
He wasn't as involved in campaigning for the opposing party, which augmented Unger's frustration. As the end of 2007 neared, she says the two broke up over a phone call that involved Unger telling her ex that she had the opportunity to attend a New Year's Eve party with Obama.
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October 23,2008
illustration by Catherine Coquillette