10D SEX ON THE HILL
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2008
Age gaps between partners both beneficial, problematic
Experiencing sex and dating between the young and old
BY YANI KO editor@kansan.com
Some find it shocking to hear of couples with a considerable age difference between the partners, but many young people are becoming more open to the notion.
Centuries ago, in many cultures, it was considered the norm. But today dating a person of a considerable age difference, let alone having a sexual relationship with that person, is often seen as a cultural taboo in the United States. Some countries in southern Asia, among other areas, still employ the use of dowries or arranged marriages, which can encourage a large age gap between husband and wife.
Age-gap dating is not uncommon on campuses, as college stu
dents are sometimes in relationships with high school students, and in rare cases, professors date their students. Though not everyone embraces such relationships, perceptions about the subject vary.
Cate Crandell, Overland Park
junior, met the man she is unofficially dating on a trip to New York, where he lives. Crandell, 21, said the reason she and her 38-year-old romantic interest had not become a
"I don't think it works out for an older woman dating a younger guy. Women are more mature."
very long time ago. We are in two totally different places in our lives."
serious couple was because of the distance between them, physically and in age.
"I'm studying abroad next semester and don't want to be in a serious relationship with probably anybody right now," Crandell said. "The distance is helping because I tend to get attached."
When it comes to sex, some people seek the experience that an older lover may offer.
Jeremy Adkison, Leavenworth freshman, had sex for the first time with a 40-year-old man when he
MARY ELENGEBAWY Overland Park freshman
But as for the mental and emotional gap between the couple, Crandell said, "We've talked about it. He says he remembers when he turned 21 and he remembers it as a
was only 19.
"He knew what he was doing. I didn't. It was my first time," Adkison said of the experience. "Part of me felt like I wanted him to take care of我."
Crandell
said her 38-year-old partner was more respectful sexually than most men she had been with.
Max Lush, Sacramento, Calif., freshman, said he viewed men who were in a sexual relationship with younger girls in a different light.
"I think it's really weird. It's weirder for the guy to be older than the girl rather than younger because guys' intentions aren't always the best." Lush said. "I would question why someone 35 or older would
even be around young girls."
Adkison said his best friend had no qualms about his sexual relationship with a 40-year-old man, in most aspects.
"She told me he looked like Scarface, but she was only concerned with his physical appearance — not the age difference." Adkison said.
Crandell's best friend felt differently.
"She totally detests it. He's only three years younger than her dad." Crandell stated.
Among those interviewed, it seemed less common for them to know an older woman dating a younger man.
"I don't think it works out for an older woman dating a younger guy. Women are more mature," said Mary Elengebawy, Overland Park freshman. "But if you're 18 or 19 and really mature, it could be fine."
Adkison suggested that an older man going for younger partners was a practice somewhat more popular in the gay community.
"People come out of the closet when they're 13 nowadays. They didn't have 'Will and Grace' a generation ago. They don't have what we have," Adkison said.
WOULD YOU RATHER...
Would you rather give a blowjob in the 4th floor women's bathroom of Strong Hall, or would you rather get caught having sex by your favorite professor?
Would you rather have hooked up with your new TA the summer before,or would you rather have hooked up with your roommate's sibling before you knew him or her?
Would you rather get caught having sex on your roommate's bed by your roommate, or would you rather walk in on your roommate having sex on your bed?
Abstinence remains popular alternative Students discuss varying views on maturity, marriage, decision to wait
BY AUSTIN BUSSING abussing@kansan.com
College is undoubtedly a time of intense personal growth and profound introspection. But let's face it: These four (or five or six) parent-free years are also the opportunetime to have a little reckless fun, be a bit irresponsible and make some possibly regrettable decisions.
These university years are meant for responsibility as well as rowdiness, for permanent growth
It is this inherent duality of the college lifestyle that abstinent students such as Leanne Tracy, St. Louis freshman, struggle with.
as well as temporary deterioration.
"Ideally, I think the best thing is to wait for marriage. Obviously, that's not going to be the case with a lot of people though."
Danielle Volle, LeCompton freshman, said some individuals were mature enough for premarital sex.
enough, but they don't always see the whole thing. They don't know everything that could come from it"
Anne Miller, Shawnee junior, also sees a solid sexual education as vital to the kids of today.
"Marriage is a really beautiful thing. When two people share that for the first time, it is even more beautiful." Tracy said.
"Some of my friends are actually abstinent too," Dixon said. "They don't really care what I do."
Both Tracy and Dixon cited their Christian faith as their primary reason for abstaining from sex until marriage.
Derek Dixon, Wichita freshman, largely avoids this conflict by surrounding himself with like-minded friends. He said he felt no external pressure to go back on his vow of abstinence.
"In college life, everyone is going out and doing whatever they want," Tracy said. "It means too much to me to go back on, though."
"Teaching kids abstinence doesn't prepare them for social issues in the real world. Ignorance is bliss, and we need to avoid that," she said.
"Education would be the first step. Eighteen-year-olds are mature
Neither Volle nor Miller are abstinent, but both of them understand and respect others' decisions
ANNE MILLER Shawnee junior
to save themselves for marriage.
"I understand the decision, but I don't feel it should be pushed onto others," Volle said.
nence.
Miller harbors a realist view on the subject of absti-
"Ideally, I think the best thing is to wait for marriage. Obviously that's not going to be the case with a lot of people, though. Society is changing. They sell sex to everyone. I would like to think people would do it with the person they want to marry, but that changes too."
A lack of abstinence, however, does not have to correspond with excessive promiscuity.
"I don't believe in casual relations," Miller said. "Studies have shown that having sexual relations with someone forms a certain connection. It can be very emotionally scarring. People try to make it casual, but it's not."
With all the differences of opinion on the issue of abstinence, one thing remains consistent: a respect and understanding among students with conflicting views.
Edited by Kelsey Hayes