THE UNIVERSITY DARRY KANSAN
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2008
SEX ON THE HILL
7D
'Benefriends' a rising trend among students
Some students forgo romance for a different kind of friendship
BY YANI KO editor@kansan.com
Gone is the age of giving that special girl your prized letterman jacket, an antiquated but charming display that a couple is, in fact, "going steady." Our "Happy Days" are slowly fading with the rise of the "friends with benefits" trend. As lines blur between spouse and comrade, many students seem to be sweeping romance under the rug.
The term "friends with benefits" is ambiguous, much like the type of relationship itself.
"It means more than friends," said Quinn Miller, Champaign, Ill., freshman. "It's okay to kiss, and maybe have sex."
Dominique Sloan, Topeka junior, views a friend with benefits as somebody you can connect with on a deeper level.
"It's somebody to share time with and great experiences with, and then I guess intercourse. But most importantly, friends first," Sloan said.
While some seek an intimacy with their "benefriend," as one student put it, others just like to fool around. But most can agree on one thing: there are no strings attached.
"It means being friends with no commitment," Laura Peacock, Overland Park freshman, said.
Alexis Linnebur, Wichita freshman felt the same. "You're not obligated," Linnebur said. "You don't have to stay faithful. It's basically just a booty call."
Many students claim to talk this type of relationship over before getting into it, while others just let it happen.
"I have wanted to date a friend with benefits before, but it wasn't mutual." Miller said. "I still would have considered dating her if we had never had sex."
As for how far a person will go with a friend, the answers range from kissing to sex. Sadie Kelly, Bonner Springs sophomore, is currently in a friends with benefits situation.
"Sober, I would probably just make out with him. Under the influence? There's no telling. It really just depends on what kind of mood I'm in," Kelly said.
So why not take the initiative to become a couple? Is there really a difference? Sexually, there is a great divide.
"With friends with benefits, sex is more pleasurable," said Sloan. "Girls are more comfortable because sex is the key item. In a relationship your partner may not go as far because romance overrides the pleasure. You can explore more with friends."
Some students believe that sex means more when in an actual relationship.
Linnebur, who is not a "friends with benefits kind of girl" said, "sex with a boyfriend or significant other has meaning."
"It would be passionate. Sex with a friend is just getting a need fulfilled, getting those human wants out of the way," Linnebur said.
Apart from the sexual aspect, there are many reasons why friends may not choose to take the next step toward an official relationship.
Kelly, who has a friend with benefits said, "I just got out of a relationship. I've known him forever. We've been friends forever, and it might be weird if that
changed.I'm kind of busy right now.I prefer being in a relationship,but since I just got out of one, I don't know"
Many people wonder how the popularity of having friends with benefits makes students view sex.
"People may view sex as more casual as opposed to more serious." Peacock said.
Linnebur, who has been in an official relationship for two and a half years, said a friends with benefits relationship could devalue sex.
"I think it makes people view sex as unimportant or not as special as it should be. If you're going around having sex all the time you're throwing out the meaning of being with that person that makes it special," Linnebur said
Sloan holds sex to a higher regard when it comes to friends with benefits.
"Sex is the highest level of intimacy. I like to get inside people's heads and I have to be intellectually attracted to the person first," he said.
Dating has certainly evolved during the last century, but whichever way you spin it, the friends with benefits trend introduced an entirely new scene that Joanie and Chachi from "Happy Days" could never have imagined.
Edited by Arthur Hur
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