THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2008
SEX ON THE HILL
9C
Sex and our city
Four students with vastly different sex lives spill the details, drinks in hand
BY MEGAN JOHNSON
mjohnson@kansan.com
Editor's Note: Names have been changed to protect the identities
of the students
Loud, overplayed music blasts through the bar. Cocky (no pun intended) guys and horny, slightly desperate, attention-seeking girls ready (praying?) for a sweaty, R-rated night crowd around the bar. If all goes according to plan, each girl will go home with a somewhat good-looking guy sans Greek symbols. It might be too much to expect men who are free of the ever-growing short-man syndrome and the southern comb-over.
Horny, Sexually frustrated. Penis-
deprived. Call it what you want,
these girls dressed in Steve Madden
heels and Forever 21 clothes to
ditch the labels.
As "Sweet Caroline" comes on for the fifth time that hour, I sit with the University of Kansas version of Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha.
Brooke, Khloe, Molly and Olivia are four friends with very different sex lives. As they sit and chat, amaretto sours and Long Island iced teas in hand, Khloe and Olivia constantly check their phones from missed texts from boyfriendse they are supposed to be meeting later. Molly and Brooke scope out the scene.
Photo illustration by Jon Goering/KANSAN
--and walks toward her single friend.
"There are no cute guys here"
Molly whines.
"I know. But I think there are some deciet ones don't you think?" Molly takes the last sip of her drink and gets up from the table. "Yeah, I don't think so."
Molly makes her way to the very crowded bar. Olivia checks her phone. She and her boyfriend have been together for seven months now, sleeping together for six. She says they're having more orgasms than battles. In fact, she says she's always satisfied.
"Well not always. I would say 98 percent of the time."
"Always? That can't be true." Khloe challenges. "I've been having sex since I was a freshman in high school and I've never had an orgasm."
"I hate you."
--and walks toward her single friend.
"Where's Molly?" Brooke looks around the room.
"She's working it." Olivia points over to a crowd of guys at the bar who are surrounding a very happy Molly. The table starts to vibrate. Brooke flips open her phone and reads out loud, "Come here ASAP — cute boys — must act fast." She tucks the phone in her clutch and excuses herself.
"See you later, girls." She winks
Olivia and Khloe head out to meet their beaus, but not before agreeing to meet the next night to dish.
SAME OVERRATED BAR,
DAY TWO
Khloe: No-rgasm
Frustrated Khloe begins the conversation, "I need help."
"What's wrong sweetie?" Brooke asks.
"I can't orgasm. No matter how turned on I am, I just can't orgasm."
"So I'm guessing last night didn't go to well with the BF?"
"No. I just don't understand. We have rough, hot sex and talk dirty to each other, but still nothing."
"Got any advice?"
Olivia takes a second to think and says, "I don't know. Maybe I just have a really relaxed vagina or something"
"You really put all of us to shame you know that?" Khloe jokingly chastizes Olivia.
Olivia: The orGASm
"Olivia what's wrong?" Molly asks. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you upset."
Olivia takes a deep breath. "I did something really, really, really bad last night."
"Oh my god you cheated on your boyfriend?" Brooke asks, concerned.
"No, even worse. When we had sex last night, and right before my orgasm."
Khloe rolls her eyes.
"I farted."
"It's not funny!"
"How can you not laugh at that?" Khloe asks.
The girls look at each other, then burst out laughing.
"Honey," Molly begins, "are you sure you just didn't queef?"
"I'm positive. It definitely was not a queer. I don't know why I did that. I guess I'm becoming too relaxed with him or something."
"What did he say?"
"Well, he didn't say anything." "Oh no!"
"I just don't think he noticed, I
meit it didn't smell or anything."
"Whatever you have to tell your self, sweetheart" Molly smirks.
sweetheart, Molly smiles.
Molly Chi "Oyeah"
Molly: Chi O-year more" fountain
Molly's smirk widens. "I went swimming."
"Well, I this guy that I've been talking to for a little bit picked me up last night on his Vespa. We went to the Chi Omega fountain and had a little fun."
"Where. Did. You. Go?" Brooke prods.
"OK, tell us everything."
"He picked me up. We were just driving around campus when
"Where?" asks Khloe. "Umm..."
we decided to go in the fountain.
We started to just kind of splash around, then, well, we made out.
Kissing turned into taking our clothes off, which turned into sex."
Molly tells her friends that the last part didn't turn out too well. "It wasn't really working," Molly says, blaming it on the cold water in the fountain. She describes how he went down on her while in the fountain.
"I don't believe you." Brooke declares.
"Well, it happened." Molly grins.
"Was it good?"
"Oh yeah."
"I hope no Chi Omega girls saw you do that," Khloe pipes in.
"I hope not either."
Brooke: "Taller-better-
faster-stronger"
Molly turns to Brooke, "So what happened to you last night?"
Brooke laughs, then answers. "Ugh. I brought this guy home who was kind of cute, but not really. I was just horny. We were making out and then all of the sudden he starts to push my head down towards his balls. Why do guys do that? Do they think it's sexy to push a girl's head down there? Anyway, I decide to be nice and do that, but
"Why? What did he do?"
"Well," Brooke says, "He started to blurt out, 'faster, stronger, faster,' and then I got that Kanye West song stuck in my head, which then made me start to burst out laughing, which then made it kind of
awkward, so I stopped and told him that he had to leave"
"Lovely."
to chat about their "interesting" nights until the first chords of "Sweet Caroline" play again.
The girls laugh and continue
Edited by Becka Cremer