with Matt Hirschfeld and Francesca Chambers
So, to put it simply, I love sex and I try to do it as often as possible. Being a girl, this seems to make me a skank. I'm safe, I don't have a ridiculous number of partners, and I'm having the time of my life. Is the double standard a negative thing in society, or am I just feeding a stereotype? Should I suppress my sexuality or just continue to do what I want?
—Julie, senior
Matt: My anatomical makeup makes me hesitant to approach this question, so I'll turn to Ann E. Cudd, professor of women's studies and an expert in women's oppression, to get the "bed a-rockin'." Cudd says you are, in fact, playing into a stereotype, but you're just going to have to deal with it. Saying it's not fair is not enough. She commends you for asking for advice—you have confronted the situation and are actively seeking information. Cudd says no one can tell any individual how much sex is appropriate.
You say you are having the time of your life. And I'm guessing your partners are, too. Okay, maybe not the time of their lives, but at least for an hour or so. I see you as a contribution to society. I couldn't imagine stifling my own sexuality for society's sake. Enough standards must be followed to succeed on a daily basis, be it in your job, education, the economy, Western Civilization I and II. Sexuality exists on a personal level, and as long as you can deal with the fallout of a potentially clingy man or an awkward morning after, more power to you.
Francesca: I think most women have a higher libido than they are willing to admit to because of guilt derived from religious teachings and the stereotypes that have resulted from them. My grandmother actually told me little baby Jesus cries every time I "give the milk away for free" when she found out I was moving in with my boyfriend. When I found out my boyfriend was accepted into the military, one of my first thoughts was,"No sex for weeks at a time?" And after that,"He might die!" When I finally put aside my embarrassment and told one of my friends about my sad situation, she confided in me that part of the reason she had a low number of sexual partners was because she owned a vibrator; I soon found out that I was the only girl in my circle of friends who didn't masturbate. So it's not that other women have lower libidos. They are only substituting an equally stereotyped, but more private, sexual activity in place of sex. You shouldn't hide your high libido. Sitting at home on a Friday night masturbating to a picture of David Beckham—someone who doesn't even know you exist and probably wouldn't screw you if he did—seems way more dysfunctional than having sex with someone who wants to screw you, too.
Send your sex and relationship questions to bitchandmoan@kansan.com.
HOWWE MET
It was a mandated makeout that could have resulted in transmission of diseases, but, thankfully, only phone numbers were swapped and six months later, the couple is still together.
Ashleigh Garcia, Topeka senior, was visiting her friend, Eryn, in Manhattan, and conversation turned into talk about Eryn's desperation to randomly makeout with a stranger. Enter Eryn's brother, Erik Woofter.
Eryn introduced the two, and after a few minutes,Ashleigh took Eryn's proposition and suggested to Erik that they should makeout.
"So we kissed and exchanged phone numbers and just went our own way," Garcia says.
"We were texting throughout the night and we planned on meeting up, but didn't."
After a couple weeks of text-flirting, the two finally met up for a Kansas City Royals game. Garcia says a dull moment was never present during their first date, and the conversation is still going on to this day.
Matt Hirschfeld
Choose from:
Buffalo wings (hot or mild)
Fried portabella mushrooms
Spinich & artichoke dip
Cheese quesadilla
Sauteed Green Lip mussels
Traditional bruschetta
Hamburger sliders
Vegetable Platter
Sauerkraut & Cheddar Pierogies
In the Jayhawker only
[the jayhawker]
THE ELDRIDGE
701 Massachusetts Street 749-1005 www.eldrigehotel.com
August 21, 2008
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