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OPINION
7A
THURSDAY, AUGUST 21, 2008
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
FROM THE EDITORIAL BOARD
KANSAN FILE PHOTO
Does Sebelius really have the veep potential?
YES
Gov. Kathleen Sebellus' gender alone will help bring around the still-
bitter Hillary. Clinton supporters and unite the party base.
As someone who's been cutting red tape and eliminating egregious spending since taking office, Sebelius shares Sen. Barack Obama's political values of practicality and honesty.
Sebelius is a Democrat, but she has been effective at running a Republican-dominated state for two terms. She knows how to mediate problems between the parties; and she has a lot less baggage than Clinton.
Beyond offering a long-shot chance to win in Kansas, Sebelius would reinforce Obama's messages of outsiders bringing change. She has served exclusively in Kansas and her only real connection to national politics in Washington was her response to President Bush's State of the Union address this year.
NO
As tempting as it is for Democrats to want to draft Gov.
Kathleen Sebelius as Barack Obama's running mate, taking that path would not really help the Democrats in the long run.
Both Sebelius and the Democrats would be better off if she finished her second term as governor, further reviving and solidifying a Democratic base in a state where the red has run deep for decades.
This isn't the first time the Sebelius for-VP has occurred. Some thought she would be John Kerry's running mate in the 2004 election.
Plus, Sen. Sam Brownback said he is not seeking reelection in 2010, so why not attempt a Senate run, where she can really make a difference? If she was elected, she would end a trend that hasn't been broken since 1938: a Democrat elected as senator for Kansas.
The Editorial Board
editorials around the nation
Phelps may deserve 'greatest Olympian' title
The athlete for this generation is Michael Phelps.
Once in a lifetime, there comes an athlete who accomplishes the impossible.
On Sunday, the U.S. swimmer won his eighth gold medal in these games in a breathtaking march that has set new world record marks and demolished opponents.
We are awed by his accomplishments, yet the seeming contradictions and complexities of this gifted 23-year-old also make him intriguing.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
He's a ferocious competitor but also a good sport (which shouldn't be contradictions but often are).
He's a self-effacing, regular guy who is anything but normal once he hits the water. He has prepared himself with a superhuman training regimen yet makes racing, winning and smashing world records all look so casual.
Is he the greatest U.S. Olympian of all time?
The debate will rage over technological and training improvements and money in sports that allows athletes to be full-time professionals. You could talk all day about which sports are harder on the body and which make it easier to rack up multiple medals by virtue of relay opportunities.
We'll never agree on the superlatives, but we agree on one thing: Seeing Phelps swim has been a rare opportunity to watch a phenomenal athlete create history.
—The Denver Post Aug. 17 editorial
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One more first-day campus survival guide
Pope: With the first day of classes finally here, a new batch of freshmen has descended on campus, ready to vomit all over your SafeBus seat. This has led me and my colleague Ryan to thoughts of our early college years — a time of strange hair growth, odd feelings towards cootie-infested females and the lack of education regarding zombie survival techniques on campus.
Statistics show that 87 percent of students are caught mid-lecture when zombies burst forth from their graves. You may be sitting in Budig, desperately trying to tune out your professor's monotonous rambling, when you discover that your usual chemistry lesson is now comprised of guttural moans and the gurgling of a rotting esophagus. If you have a preferred door for leaving class early, here is yet another good time to use it.
Ryan: Here are the procedures for surviving the undead uprising.
BUDIG:
CAMPANILE:
Force your way to the top of the Campanile, where you can observe the destruction of all mankind. When it's all over, remember to exit the tower from the side you came in on. The last thing you need after riding out an undead swarm is to never graduate.
DAISY HILL:
Ignore your first instinct to head to your dorm. It's hard enough to make it through a semester without catching the clap from your classmates, so don't expect to survive in one of those disease-infested tenements.
PARKING DEPT.
ALLEN FIELDHOUSE:
Move quickly through the hordes of brain-eating monsters to the nearest safe haven. This is simple, given one crucial detail — basketball superstud Matt Kleinmann. Find him quickly and enlist his aid. He will instinctively supply you with a clear route with his signature move, the Zombie Pick, screening hundreds of zombies in quick succession.
FRASER:
Another option for hiding is Fraser Hall, the highest point on campus, where any distress beacon will be visible for miles.
WESCOE:
After barricading Fraser's stairways and elevators, you should sit back and enjoy watching the plight of everyone who thought they should hide in Wescoe. If zombies don't get them, a brain tumor from staying in the building too long will finish the job.
Pope: From our time spent educating the most inattentive of crowds, we understand most of you may not be fully convinced that any of this is possible.
Rvan: Why should you care? Skeptics, picture this.
Pope: Early morning. A sleepy campus wakes as the new day's sun showers its golden rays upon a deserted Wescoe Beach. A small rabbit attempts to cross vacant Jayhawk Boulevard but stops in its tracks, eyes wide with fear as it is slowly engulfed by the approaching shadow from an army of shuffling figures, their faces gaunt, their eyes murky pools reflecting the emptiness beneath. The rabbit turns to flee, but it is pointless. Soon the area is overrun by the living dead.
Ryan: Zombie apocalypse or an average morning on campus?
Pope: Don't say we didn't warn you. You're welcome.
Pope is a Kansas City senior in English. Snyder is a Leawood senior in English.
Why aren't people afraid of reading books about murder?
I once developed a wonderful method of killing someone with a tea bag. I was making tea at the time, standing by the sink with a dripping packet of Raspberry Zinger dangling from one hand, when inspiration dawned on me.
After that, I don't think she was eager to drink tea with me again. But the excuse for my somewhat eccentric line of thought was an overdose. Not, as might be assumed, a tea overdose, but rather a far more dangerous drug: mystery novels.
If the result of my addiction is a future as an ax murderer, at least I'll have company. The mystery genre is intensely popular. It may have begun in the 19th century with Edgar Allen Poe's "Murder in the Rue Morgue," but the genre is still going strong in the 21st. It's evolving, too: in the "Library Journal" Random House declared mysteries their most popular audiobooks.
"Hey," I said to my roommate. "I just thought of the greatest way to murder someone with a tea bag."
Author Agatha Christie recently lured me into the genre, and after devouring her books I moved on to others without pause. It took about 120 murders or so before I realized how I was entertaining myself. I was whiling away time with death.
The ever-steady demand for the genre seems odd, given that most mystery novels concern what few want to think about: death.
"The better fictional homicides today are accomplished — like those in real life — by shooting, strangling, stabbing, pushing (off cliffs and buildings and into water), bashing, and poisoning; not necessarily in the order named," Howard Haycraft writes in "Murder for Pleasure," a study of the mystery genre.
Writers have quite the menu of murder options but, no matter what the method, homicide is still nasty. So why do we revel in doing away with our own kind?
Perhaps the genre's modern success is rooted in its exploding variety. Today's mysteries, like
magazines, cater to niche demographics. Murder is committed in 17th century Japan and space stations in the future. The detectives are anything from hardened cops to elderly women.
"The mystery genre is just enormous and can satisfy anything you're looking for," said Lisa Stockton, a KU student and one of the owners of The Raven bookstore in downtown Lawrence, which specializes in selling mystery novels.
Stockton offers another reason for the genre's popularity, saying, "There is a grisly aspect to it, but you regain a sense of order and justice" at the end.
The clue to the mystery genre's success, then, is that ultimately the mystery is always solved. In a mysterious world with few explanations and death perhaps the most inexplicable of all, it's reassuring to know that at least in mystery novels it will all make sense in the end.
As for my own brilliant murder method, I'll discuss it with anyone interested over a nice cup of tea.
Blankenau is a Lincoln, Neb. sophomore in journalism and English.
To contribute to Free for All, visit Kansan.com or call 785-864-0500.
Potter Lake turned into a swamp. When are we actually going to clean that crap up?
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I think someone is a little confused. KU shorts and a K-State bag. I guess it could have been worse. It could have been Missouri.
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John, this is Chris. Sometimes back you were interested in a home-based businesses, and I was just wondered if you were still open to the idea. If you are, you can check out our site on the Internet. Just type it in your address bar.
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Even us sorority girls are tired of our songs.
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I need the hair of the dog Anybody got any?
And that, folks, is why I love Free for All. There is always someone with a funny comeback to brighten up your day.
"I don't know what to say"
is the worst thing you can
hear as a human being.
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"I'm not pregnant" is the single greatest thing to hear, though
Michael Phelps and I are going to California or Massachusetts to get married.
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Who are you voting for? Barack Obama or Jaundiced McNasty?
I pray to baby Jesus a group of sexy woman moves in the townhome next to me.
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How do you contact Bitch and Moan?
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Smoke signals.
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My boyfriend is trying to break up with me because I live in Lawrence, and he's in labour.
Financial aid person: I'm sorry. You probably have to put up with the most shit on campus, next to ResNet.
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Can we have some nice sorority girls this year, and not bitchy ones like last year?
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To be enthusiastic you must act enthusiastic. OH BOY.
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Amen Brothuh. (Sistuh?)
Are there any motels in Lawrence that charge by the
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Want more? Check out Free for All online.
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