monday, november 24. 2003
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the university daily kansan
FAMILY: Both Bechards work to find delicate balance in relationship as father-daughter, player-coach
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1A
In 1998, their family life changed Ray accepted the coaching position at the University of Kansas. It was a tough decision for the coach to make. He was leaving a 716-60 record at Barton County, a 126 home match winning streak and 10 trips to the National Junior College Athletic Association volleyball Final Four.
"He was kind of the Roy Williams of Barton County," said his wife Pam.
But he would be moving on to a Division I job in the one of the premier conferences in the country. As her fifth grade brother Brennan jumped for joy, dreaming of being a ball boy for the Jayhawk basketball team, Ashley was in her room crying. She would have to leave her friends.
The family moved to Lawrence the day after school was out. Ashley chose Lawrence High over Free State, and quickly made friends with the girls on her new team. During her senior year in 2001, she had a decision to make: What college do I attend?
"I got a phone call one time, and the guy had no idea." Ashley said.
Most schools stayed away from recruiting her because they knew her dad was the coach at Kansas. But not everyone.
He then asked to speak to her dad.
Coach Ray Bechard talked to the team after Friday's practice as daughter Ashley Bechard listened. Ashley said she understood the importance of eye contact and the respect a coach deserved.
"The guy talked to me for probably 10 minutes to tell me about the program." Ravi said.
The coach on the phone then proceeded to try and steer her away from Kansas. But after visiting with small schools such as Eastern Kentucky and Armstrong Atlantic in Georgia, Ashley decided on Kansas.
"I knew it was going to be an experience, and it would probably make me a better person,"Ashley said.
WHAT LIES AHEAD
Courtney Kuhlen/Kansas
When Ray considered what it would be like coaching his daughter at the college level, he talked to friends and family. About half told him he should do it, and the other half said no way.
"The people that said they would, obviously knew what they were talking about." he said.
He still worried: Would people only think she was there because of him? Could he handle the emotion that comes with raising and coaching a daughter? What would happen if some of the players got mad at him in front of his daughter? But Ashley told him not to worry.
If she could handle it, so could he.
"Dad," she said. "I'm just going to be part of the team."
At the time, he didn't know it, but he wouldn't be the only Kansas coach with his kid on his team. In 2002, former Athletic Director Al
"I might not be the most athletic person on the court, but every time he's going to get eye contact, and he knows that."
Ashley Bechard
Junior settler andetter of Kansas
Volleyball coach Ray Bechard
"It was a great experience," Ritchie said. "But at the same time it takes a lot of maturity because everybody expects a lot."
Ashley and Ritchie have a class together, and talk about their fathers occasionally come up. Sometimes they will pass each other in the hall or down by the baseball field.
"It's kind of in the back of our heads when we see each other," Ashley said. "We're both very thankful."
Ritchie and Ashley both agree that separating coach and father while playing is something that has to be done.
"It's not much different for me," Ritchie said. "He's my coach like everyone else."
DIVISION I DAD
In her first two seasons, Ashley only saw action in 15 matches. She wasn't even slated as a starter coming into the 2003 season.
But she was focusing on obtaining her journalism degree in strategic communications and was just happy to be a part of the team. The only small problem was leaving the coach-player relationship on the court, and away from the dinner table. That is where Pam likes to step in. She calls herself, "The cheerleader in both of their courts."
"Sunday is kind of our day to just let the team thing go," Pam said. "Sometimes they just want to reflect on it, and I just say, 'Okay, family time.'"
Sometimes, it is hard to leave the family relationship off the court.
In one practice this season, Ray made a call on Ashley she didn't agree with during a scrimmage. In return, she gave him the evil eye.
"That's where you have to smile and say, 'Thank you for making me better,'" Ashley said.
However, more often than not, being able to share their volleyball experiences together is positive. Earlier this season, when the Jayhawks won the Nike Volleyball Invitational in Minneapolis, Asha bonus for me," Ray said. A TEAMMATE PERSPECTIVE
A FAMILY AFFAIR
Other Division I athletes who call their dads coach.
Coach Son
Ritch Price Ritchie Price
KANSAS BASEBALL
Ernie Kent Jordan Kent
OREGON BASKETBALL
Kelvin Sampson Keilen Sampson OKLAHOMA BASKETBALL
Danny Schmitz Spencer Schmitz BOWLING GREEN BASEBALL
"You couldn't trade the feeling of beating Minnesota on their home court." Ray said. "As a coach you've always got to be able to move on to the next thing, and I wish I could have savored that moment a little longer."
Luckily for the coach there have been other moments to savor, like when Ashley recorded a career high 65 assists versus North Carolina. Or when the team defeated No. 23 Missouri in a dramatic, come-from-behind 3-2 victory, a game in which Ashley didn't see any action.
"The fact that she's there is just
Most people who don't know a lot about Kansas volleyball aren't even aware the two are father and daughter. That was a goal of Ray's before he started coaching Ashley.
"A lot of people are surprised," said Ashley's teammate and roommate, Jill Dorsey. "I didn't know how it was going to be in the beginning, but they handle it very well."
Ashley Michaelis is also Ashley's teammate and roommate. She said she respects their relationship on and off the court, and that there is no way she could play for her dad.
"He treats her like a player, and she calls him coach," Michaels said. "But it's also great that afterwards, they can go back to being what they are."
Ray said at times it's hard to change from coach mode to father mode, but it was something he had to do.
"We tried to talk about every possible scenario before she started to do this," he said.
In doing that, the two have been able to have two separate relationships, without having to prove themselves to others.
A SEASON TO REMEMBER
Of all the seasons that Ray has coached his daughter, this one could be the most memorable. Last year, the Jayhawks became the first team in the Big 12 Conference to finish in sixth place and not make the NCAA tournament. That would make a postseason trip this year even better.
It would also bring back memories of Barton County. As a family, the Bechards went to Miami 10 different seasons when Ray led his team to the NJCAA Final Four.
For Pam, she had a daughter and a husband who experienced the sorrow of missing the tournament.
"It doesn't just go away," she said. "It lingers."
When Ray came to Kansas in 1998, it hadn't had a winning record in four years. But he has complied a 101-80 record, including a 38-20 record the last two seasons. At 19-10 this season, the Jayhawks have their best chance ever to receive an invitation to the NCAA Tournament for the first time in school history. The fact that Ashley would be there to enjoy it with him would make it even better.
"Unfathomable." Ashley said of the thought of going to the NCAA Tournament.
LIFE AFTER VOLLEYBALL
When Ashley's career is over at Kansas, she hopes to have had the experience of playing in two NCAA tournaments. There aren't many options in the United States for volleyball after college, but that doesn't bother Ashley.
"Athletics has brought so much to my life," she said. "But it's not something I need to have in my life all the time. I can appreciate it, but it's time to move on."
Her degree in journalism will hopefully land her a job with a sports marketing firm. As for Ray, not coaching volleyball is
hopefully a long way away
"I don't know what else I'd do," he said.
For now he continues to watch his daughter grow as a young woman and a volleyball player at the same time. Ashley has made sure he hasn't regretted the decision.
She said that from day one being a coach's daughter has taught her how to be a better teammate, and more respectful towards her coaches.
"Eye contact has been drilled in," she said. "That's how you treat a coach. I might not be the most athletic person on the court, but every time he's going to get eye contact, and he knows that."
Her mother might have had something to do with that. Right before Ashley began her college career, Pam made a book for her daughter. She cut out photos of athletes from Sports Illustrated, and even one of Ray coaching. She said she wrote a message for Ashley inside: "Just make sure that whenever you practice you're looking at him straight in the eye and you're always smiling and you're giving him a head nod, because that's what he really wants," she said.
After Ashley moves on, and Ray continues to coach, they will always have these four years to look back on. But for now, he realizes not many fathers have this opportunity.
"She's in that locker room celebrating with everyone else — and that's pretty cool," Ray said.
-- Edited by Joey Berlin
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