foreplay than men do, Dennis Detweiler, a certified sex therapist in Lawrence, says. Foreplay includes a wide range of sensual, pleasurable activities you can do alone or with your partner. It's any type of verbal or physical contact such as kissing, licking, sucking, massage, undressing or touching.
Some of the hottest sexual experiences you have are during foreplay or sex play, as Beverly Whipple, certified sex therapist and author, likes to call it. "I like the words sex play or love play instead because foreplay automatically implies it's going to lead to something else."
If it's implied that foreplay will lead to intercourse, sex becomes goal directed. Detweiler says it's much more enjoyable for couples when they aren't heading in a particular direction. Both men and women crave foreplay, but sex becomes so goal directed that it gets in the way of intimacy.
Whipple says to think of goal-directed sexual experiences like a staircase where one thing leads to another: touching, kissing, caressing, vaginal/penile contact and then orgasm. Basically, you round all the bases. Pleasure-directed sexual experiences are those that have no particular goal in mind except the thought of enjoying the moment with your partner. Think of a circle, any act can be intimate when there is no particular
beginning or end. Maybe you're running the bases out of order, or you're skipping intercourse, the main entrée, and you start with dessert. The dessert menu might include you and your partner—naked—licking chocolate and whipped cream off of each other's bodies.
Women and men experience foreplay differently. Women need caresses and touches so they can reach a complete state of arousal. For example, undressing slowly and taking the time to touch different parts of her body may really turn her on. Men, however, tend be turned on by visual stimulation such lacy underwear or the sight of a woman's naked curves."Men say,'One look at her and I'm ready," Detweiler says."People think foreplay is about getting oneself ready for intercourse, but it's really about establishing communications and interaction between the couple."
ORGASM
About 30 percent of women orgasm during intercourse, Detweiler says. Most women need some sort of simultaneous clitoral stimulation, either manually or by vibrator, to reach orgasm. This shatters the idea often portrayed in movies and pornography that well-endowed men and deep thrusts are all a women needs to have mind-blowing orgasms.
"One of the myths is that if a man is a good enough lover he will bring his partner to orgasm through intercourse, which is bullshit," Detweiler says. The insertion of the penis into the vagina only gives indirect stimulation to the clitoris, the part of a woman's body that is comparable to the penis, except that the sole purpose of the clitoris is to provide pleasurable sensations.
"Men say, 'One look at her and I'm ready.' People think foreplay is about getting oneself ready for intercourse, but it's really about establishing communications and interactions between the couple."
The clitoris is located below the pubic bone and above the labia — the outer lips of the vagina — and is packed with as many nerve endings as the entire penis. This is the triggering point for the female orgasm. When a woman is aroused, the clitoris becomes erect and swells with blood like the penis, but on a smaller scale. During intercourse the man receives direct stimulation to the penis, but the penis is directly stimulating the vagina and labia on the woman, not the clitoris.
Every woman responds differently to clitoral stimulation whether it's from caressing, licking, sucking or whatever your favorite activity may be. Some women find immense pleasure during clitoral stimulation, while others take time to develop feelings of pleasure whether alone or with a partner while masturbating. Others may find clitoral stimulation uncomfortable; there are after all, 6,000 to 8,000 nerve endings down there creating a highly sensitive area. Just like our fingerprints, every clitoris is different and has different needs,
DENNIS DETWEILER certified sex therapist
thursday, november 6, 2003
jayplay
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