and Cayli go through are normal, considering their situation. While they both have strong characters and enjoy each other's company, their background differences bring up confusion and disagreements.
Author Barbara De Angelis specializes in administering advice on relationships and dating, boasting 13 best-selling books on such topics, such as Are You the One for Me? and The Real Rules. She says all relationships are cross-cultural, because all parents ingrain different habits and behaviors into their children. De Angelis says differences can be positive, and that the whole point of a
relationship is to bring varying strengths together to better each other. She says pairings of people with backgrounds that are too similar can become unrewarding.
"It's like inbreeding. If you take something and you keep breeding it, it's going to weaken. I don't think that relationship is going to be as strong as with someone who brings something different," De Angelis says.
Kevin Wiedenmann, Olathe sophomore, says he and Aaron are best friends, resulting in him hearing about every fight Aaron has with Cayli. Wiedenmann says he's still not sure whether they are a good
match after 10 months, but he does see potential.
"My personal belief is that anytime there's differences, they can be healthy. When you have two different people, you can learn from each other," says Wiedenmann.
De Angelis says the key to any relationship working depends on the character of the individuals, rather than their personalities. She says a person's personality doesn't tell anything about their character or emotional flexibility. De Angelis says most people hold their personal family values as high priorities and
if those values differ, relating to a significant other can be tough.
Aaron and Cayli do have their tough times, but both say they are in love with each other, both despite and because of their glaring differences. Aaron says he's not sure if they will last, but he is happy right now. Cayli says Aaron is the first guy she has truly been in love with. "Right now, in the past 10 months, he's the right one," Cayli says. "Not to say tomorrow is not a new day."
—Reach Luke Daley, Jayplay staff writer, at ldaley@kansan.com
THE PARENT TRAP BY MEGAN HICKERSON
Meeting a boyfriend or girlfriend's parents can be intimidating, but not if you remember our etiquette lessons.
photo illustration Kit Leffler/Kansan
As you strut up the front walk to meet your boyfriend's parents for the first time, there are a few things to keep in mind when meeting your future in-laws. We've all heard the old, you- only-have-one-chance-to-leave-a-first-impression, but it's the truth. One exposed bra-strap, a single spout of a cuss word, or forgetting your P's and Q's could land you in the doghouse.
Bethany Taylor, Prairie Village junior, had a set of standards to live up to before she even set foot in her boyfriend's parent's home.
"Pat went to a private school, and because I went to a public school I wanted to make a good public-school-girl impression because I don't think they had one at the time," she says.
Taylor turned on the charm, and it was obviously impressive - three years later the two are still together. Although she admitted to being nervous during the first introductions, everything went smoothly because she was very respectful in their home.
"I was polite, and I thought about what to say before I said it," Taylor says.
Sharon Percivl, executive director at the John Robert Powers International Academy for Performing Arts in Mission, would praise Bethany Taylor's politeness. Percivl has taught numerous etiquette classes in the past, and year after year, she sees the same mistakes that young women make when meeting their boyfriends' families. "We need to remember all of the manners that we were once
taught, but there are some certain ones that are easily forgettable," she says.
Here's a list of suggestions straight from the etiquette teacher herself:
Speak clearly and do not rush your speech
Be articulate
Never laugh in an abrupt manner
Always wait for your hostess to seat you, never seat yourself
Place you napkin in your lap as soon
as you are seated
Try all of the food that is placed on the table, never turn your nose up at anything
Never speak about how full you are, or how you need to watch your weight
Go to the restroom and blot your lip-stick before dinner so you don't dirty the hostess' napkin
With Percivl's help, your first encounter with his parents is sure to be a
blast rather than a bust. If you forgot your list of P's and Q's, just remember to be yourself. It's best not to enter the situation with any expectations. Remember that people have different family backgrounds and traditions. Most importantly smile.
—Megan Hickerson, Jayplay staff writer, can be reached at mhickerson@kansan.com
thursday, october 30, 2003
jayplay
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