relating
so my brother moved in... Sibling roommates bond, enjoy college life with each other. BY LUKE DALEY
I lived with my younger brother from the time he was born until he was 17, but when he moved back in with me last June, I was a little scared to have him there.
It had been four years since Phil and I shared the same house in our rural hometown of Clearwater, but that was under the care and supervision of our parents. I now felt the responsibility of making sure he adjusted to the new surroundings of our Lawrence townhouse. On the practical side, he needed a new job, some direc-
and car insurance. He could do things for himself, but I still worried about what I could do to help him.
Frank DeSalvo Jr., director of counseling and psychological services, says it is normal for me to worry about my brother's well-being because most parents
first two months. Phil found a job and started finding things to do in Lawrence instead of sitting in the house, watching cable all day. In fact, living with my brother again hasn't been a nightmare at all; it's actually more convenient than anything. We are used to each other, taking away
"It was perfect. It was like at home, only I could drink beer with him."
But before I dropped classes and applied for a second job, I realized that Phil wasn't the 8-year-old that I used to get into mud puddle fights with in a time before we knew what it meant to pay rent
When your younger sibling moves in with you, these types of worries tend to follow. You wonder if you will have to help them with money or make sure they don't fail all their classes. You want to make sure you don't let them or your parents down.
tions for maneuvering around Lawrence and the campus, and advice on how to master university classes. More importantly, he also needed reassurance that things would be fine.
Matt Moilanen, KU graduate
teach the older children to take care of the younger ones. He says that siblings who take care of each other when they live at home revert to the same behavior when they move back in together.
DeSalvo says the healthiest sibling living systems stem from siblings relating to each other's experiences and working together to help one another, rather than the elder trying to take over. He says the parents should discuss what they expect from the elder sibling beforehand, leading to clarity about how much the older sibling will need to support the younger one.
"It doesn't always have to be a nightmare." DeSalvo says.
My concerns subsided a bit after the
some of the awkwardness that comes with having a roommate who you don't know as well. This can be the case for others, too.
Matt Moilanen lived with his brother, Mark, for about a year at Colony Woods apartments
and says the arrangement was ideal from the beginning.
"It was perfect," Matt says. "It was like at home, only I could drink beer with him."
Besides the social connection, Matt, a 24-year-old KU graduate, says Mark never really needed help with money or school. Everything between the two was as good as when they lived with their parents back in Leavenworth, other than a minor difference in housekeeping philosophies.
"He bitched at me more about cleaning shit up," Matt says.
Mark, a 22-year-old junior, agreed that living with Matt went well and they grew
6 jayplay
thursday, october 9.2003