monday,september 15.2003
sex on the hill
the university daily kansan 11B
Foreplay essential for riveting sex
Before great sex comes great foreplay.
Foreplay is often overlooked. In general, women heat up more slowly than men and thus don't get enough foreplay, according to Dhyan Jeffre, sexologist. Women become more responsive, which improves the experience for both partners. But, if you're looking for that mind-blowing sex you think only happens once in a while, here's your ticket to ride.
Whether you're planning to spend one night or your entire life with your partner, foreplay increases the sexual energy between couples. With a new partner, foreplay can be tricky, but also more stimulating. The surprise of what you don't know can be electrifying.
ying.
Some see foreplay as a mere formality or means to an end. In truth, it can be one of the most personal experiences you share, and also an inside into what your partner wants.
Neeley Spellmeier
nspellmeier@kansan.com
Foreplay starts before you even make it to the bedroom. Some of the most arousing ways to tease begin in public. This doesn't mean you should be making out with your partner at the bar. This is meant to be a slow and subtle dance between the two of you. Brush your hand across sensitive areas, or brush his/her hand against yours, but in a way only your partner notices. Girls, allude to the new lingerie you purchased and how you're trying it out — or perhaps how you're not wearing any at all. Even how you eat can make a difference.
Let any sexual feelings you have flow out of you, so they come across in every action you make. Hold your partner off until there is nothing to be done but rush home and let the games begin.
let the games begin.
On the drive home, don't let your hormones fade. Now that you're alone, you can take more liberties with one another. Blowing, licking, kissing, grabbing—these are all fair game, but keep your clothes on.
At home, it's still important not to go for it right away. This is where the undressing comes into play, and you have two routes. The first is a continuation of the slow and rhythmic tempting of one another. Every button, zipper and hook should be a production of long, meaningful kisses on the lips, chest, legs and feet.
Be aware of the small details. For those of you who don't want to put the time into unclaspling a bra, do not go straight for the goods. A girl
does not want to spend her entire sexual experience with a bra wrapped around her neck.
As for the other route, it's completely animalistic. Pull and tug, ravenously rip at one another's clothes. Sometimes this involves not even getting clothes off. Both ways can be sexy as hell. Let the mood of the evening determine your course.
Equally important is what you want to avoid. While it's helpful to know exactly your partner wants, don't simply ask. Explore and listen to how their bodies responds. Everyone knows what turns them on, but when your partner knows before you even have to tell them, you're going to score big time.
One last thing. Foneplay should definitely take longer than it took you to read this column.
Spellmeier is a Sabetha senior in journalism and history.
Queer issues about more than sex
I just want to make one thing clear: Queer relationships are about sex. They are also about love, lust, honesty, heartbreak, worrying, good times, bad times, looking ahead, making mistakes and everything that any relationship is about.
Sex on the Hill may be focused on some queer issues, but that is not to say that queer issues are solely focused upon sex.
hely focused upon
For many years, lesbian, bisexual, gay and transgender people have been marginalized, ignored, hated, discriminated against and grudgingly tolerated.
Sex and sexuality are different so are sexuality and sexual orientation. The fact that I'm a gay man is my sexual orientation and that has nothing to do with the act of sex itself.
This has been a red-letter year for queer people. Sodomy laws were declared unconstitutional, same-sex marriage became legal in Canada and several new television shows are centered on queer themes. These positive strides have their flaws and misconceptions as well.
Television shows portray gay characters in a less-than-favorable light. According to Warren Hedges, professor of English at Southwestern Oregon University, what these characters do defines who they are, and those are stereotypical depictions all too often.
Jack from Will & Grace is an extremely feminine and promiscuous man. This only reinforces the idea that all gay men are feminine and can't handle monogamous relationships.
commentary
Patrick Ross correspondent@kansan.com
The United States will not recognize queer marriage, even though a straight couple can get married in Canada and the certificate is valid here.
Some congressmen have even tried to prohibit gay marriage outright within the borders of our nation.
If I marry the man I love, can such an act really cause the fabric of reality to tear wide open?
It seems that we are only acceptable if we accept our status as second-class citizens under the law. That saddens me as a worker for social reform.
Don't assume you know all about us after reading a section in a newspaper. Watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but don't assume that I act like the men on the show. Gay men are a diverse group. Lesbians are just as diverse.
diverse. The only difference between you and me is the fact that I date and sleep with people of the same gender, and one day I hope to be able to marry such a person. I worry that I will never have the same rights that you do.
Rosa is a Lawrence sophomore in journalism.
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