thursday, august 28, 2003
jayplay.7
Don't succumb to homesickness
By Jacqueline Lenart
jlenart@kansan.com
Jayplay writer
If you're clicking your heels trying to escape the Land of Oz, calm down. It's only the first week of school. Homesickness is common and easy to solve but you have to help it along.
First, don't make any decisions while you're in distress. It's important to think through the issues you're facing and develop a plan of action, says Francis J. DeSalvo, director of KU Counseling and Psychological Services(CAPS). Your plan should address the problems you have with your current environment. Be specific when defining your stresses. Try to explore reasonable, new options and ask yourself why a new location would help. DeSalvo says there are more options than just stay or go, and remember that longing for home and routine is common for all students just in varying degrees.
not immature, it just has to do with adjusting to change."
CAPS offers counseling to students having a hard time adjusting. Counselors typically see students individually and try to help them understand the nature of their homesickness.
Kari Gustin, Elsworth resident assistant, went through sensitivity training and says the residents she works with have a big change to adjust to.
"It's hard because you're just thrown into this new experience in this strange room and you have to acclimate to that." Gustin recommends reaching out to a roommate or RA because they can help those who are struggling to find a niche.
"Students should keep in mind that it's a pretty natural process to feel homesick in a new setting," says DeSalvo. "They often think of it as a weakness or embarrassing, but all people experience some type of home-sickness at some point in their lives as they make changes. It's
Before drowning in your worries and locking yourself and your ramen noodles alone in your dorm room, keep in mind that homesickness is different for everyone. Here's your chance to resolve your weaknesses or redefine yourself in a new setting. You can go from a big geek to big man on campus, but it's up to you.
experience a loss of identity and worry about their status and class performance in their new environment.
"We try to encourage them to give it a good try not because we want to retain them, but because we want them to move forward having confidence in their decision so they can assuredly say they made the right choice," says DeSalvo. "We always want them running toward something new-not running away."
DeSalvo says there are different types of homesickness, but that each one can be cured. Some students long for their typical routine of home and familiar people, places and things. Others
Don't pack your bags quite yet, explore your options. Build relationships with those around you, whether just spending time with your RA or some new people, says Gustin. Make decisions that work for you, helping you to feel comfortable with your new surroundings. You may develop independence by calling home once a week or once a day, says DeSalvo.
The key is changing your role in becoming more independent and adult.Make sure that the nature of your contact with friends and family from home puts you in a more responsible role.
To contact CAPS, call 864-2767. The center is located in 2100 Watkins Memorial Health Center. CAPS is open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. with extended hours until 8 p.m. on Tuesday and Wednesday. Walk-ins are accepted but it's best to make an appointment to be seen in a timely manner.
Photo Illustration by Courtney Kuhlen/Kansan
The first visit is free and then costs $11 for additional sessions.
TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT
We all remember the first time—and hopefully the only time—we took exodus from our parents house and ventured into the college world. Mom sobbed, dad barked last-minute pearls of wisdom and we assured them both that we would call, visit and write home. But for many newbie Jayhawks, home may be too close for comfort.
Many of you newly-christened college students are only a 30-minute drive away, making it hard to create separation of family and freedom.
Heather Lichtenauer, Olathe freshman, moved into GSP-Corbin Hall and says her mother has bombarded her with phone calls ever since. "My mom cried the
entire way coming here," says Lichtenauer. "My mom and I were really close, so it was hard for her."
Lichtenauer says that even though she is out on her own, the close proximity between school and home does add pressure to not go too wild, especially being the elder of six siblings. "My mom always tells me that 'You're gonna' be the example for them," says Lichtenauer.
Whether spurred by encouraged sibling mentorship or separation anxiety, parental pressure to keep the shackles warm shouldn't hinder your ability to immerse yourself in the college experience (within legal reason, that is).
Marcia Epstein, director of the
Headquarters Counseling Center, 211 E. 8th St., Suite C, says that this type of struggle between lonely parents and liberated students is common and occurs differently for each family. She says that geographically close parents naturally plead for their children to visit home often, but sometimes it's OK to resist the urge to run home too early and often.
"Overall, people get the most personal growth when they can be as independent as they can," says Epstein. "I think there is a lot of benefit for those who can immerse themselves in the college experience."
Epstein also suggests having a trusted person around for times
when you need advice but want to resist calling home every time minor problems arise.
Lichtenauer says she hopes things will balance out after a month of being on her own. She says even though her mother does seem a little too eager to leave eight phone messages a day, it is comforting to know that if she needs something, she can go back home anytime.
As far as administering advice to others in her position, she warns not to be too hard on mom and dad for showing how much they miss you.
"As much as you want to be by yourself, just respect the fact that they're gonna' be nervous for you."
—Luke Daley