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kansas in heat (print edition) // THE PITFALLS OF PORNOGRAPHY
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one weekly Jayplay column at a time
Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Minn., graduate student, is the host of Kansas in Heat, a talk show about sex and relationships that airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on KJHK, 90.7fm and at kjhk.org.
*THE OPINIONS OF THIS COLUMNIST DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF JAYPLAY KANSAS IN HEAT IS NOT TO BE CONSIDERED AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP.
Q. I heard from a friend that you say on your show that pornography is bad to watch. What is so bad about it?
A. Pornography, in my mind, is both good and bad. While there is some good pornography out there that doesn't use violence and depicts great sex, most doesn't.
Any pornography depicting violence towards women should not be watched for a multitude of reasons.
Also, I don't like people watching a lot of pornography because it depicts bad sex. It gets us into bad habits. Many sexual experts agree that because of editing and direction, pornography displays a world where the sex is unrealistic, not to mention that most pornography depicts sex that is extremely fast and hard, and only focuses on a few parts of the body.
As I've said before in this column, really great sex involves total body sensuality. It involves using the whole body and slowing down. Psychologist and author Dennis Sugrue at marvels how so many men "don't understand that pornography presents a fantasy world, a Neverland that's very different from the real world people live in."
My absolute favorite quote about pornography comes from sexual expert Dr. Michael Castleman. In his book Great Sex, Castleman says, "Pornography is bad for sex. Very bad. It causes or contributes to all of men's major sex problems: hang-ups about penis size, involuntary ejaculation, erection impairment and ejaculatory difficulties. It also completely misrepresents how women become sexually aroused and experience erotic fulfillment. Pornography is like the chase scenes in action movies — exciting and fun to watch, but definitely not the way to drive."
The last thing you want to do in your sexual life is to get into bad habits. Instead of the 100-mile-per-hour sex that you see in these movies, slow down, understand your and your partner's sexuality and enjoy leisurely and playful total body sensuality.
That said, I do believe that some pornography can be a good thing. The key word there is "some." Though I don't think watching violent pornography or using pornography as a how-to tool is good, I do think watching pornography to get you and your partner in the mood can be positive. For some, it is a huge turn-on to watch
erotic videos, and for others it gives new ideas for different positions to try or different fantasies to act out.
Studies have shown that close to 100 percent of men get aroused watching pornographic material, and 80 percent of women get aroused watching this material as well. So turning to one of the premium channels late at night to watch Erotic Confessions 7 is not always a bad idea to get the two of you in the mood.
I've also heard that a new type of pornography with women directors does a great job of depicting sex that more accurately shows how women become aroused and sexually fulfilled. That might be worth looking into.
In summary, I think pornography can be good, but it depends on what kind of pornography it is and how you use it. As Dirk Diggler says in Boogie Nights, "It's not just about how to get a girl off; it's about how to get your life off."
If you have a question you'd like answered in the Kansas in Heat print edition, please e-mail it to kansasinbeat@yahoo.com.
// MIKE ANDERSON
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