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kansas in heat (print edition) // STRESS AND SEX
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one weekly Jayplay column at a time
Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Mirn., graduate student, is the host of Kansas in Omaha, a talk show about sex and relationships that airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on KSLK, 90.27m, and at kslk.org.
*THE OPINIONS OF THIS COLUMNIST DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF JAYPLAY, KANSAS IN HEAT IS NOT TO BE CONSIDERED AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP.
Q: Lately I've found that my sexual desire is not the same. I still have erections but I find that I cannot maintain them as long as I've had in the past. It is not that I don't find my girlfriend attractive and sexy; I just have a tougher time getting in the mood.
A: Any good sexual expert will tell you that the most powerful sexual organ in the human body is the brain. This is the reason why stress is the No. 1 killer of a libido.
Stress can be a major hindrance to great sex. The more stressed and tense you are the less you are going to enjoy sex. The problem you speak of is a surprisingly common one. Try to identify what has been causing you stress lately and then deal with those issues.
Besides making an effort to reduce your stress, try slowing down your sex and changing your sexual scenery.
For guys, tension in the muscles that accompany stress is a major component to premature ejaculation and balky erections. Slowing down your sex will help you relieve the tension. It will also help you focus on your deep
breathing. Deep breathing will relax the entire body and is an extremely helpful tool to avoiding premature ejaculation and maintain an erection. If you are worried about the performance of your penis, the best sex is slow sex.
I'd also look into changing your sexual scenery so that you are not reminded of all the stresses of your life. Dr. Marty Klein, a relationship expert I often refer to, recommends that couples check themselves into a hotel room every now and again for some of the best sex of their lives.
The reason for this, according to Klein, is that hotels don't remind you of the past or future and have no associations. Therefore the everyday stress that you might feel could evaporate.
Getaways are very relaxing and sex almost always feels hotter in a hotel room. Try using this time in the hotel room to really build erotic anticipation.
If you have the funds, taking a vacation can really jump start your libido. If you don't have the funds then take a day trip to a nearby destination and stay the night. Wineries, hiking/biking trails and bed and breakfast establishments are just a day ride away from us.
I'm sure at the moment a lot of you might be saying that a change in sexual scenery is only a temporary solution, and when someone returns home he or she will run into the same challenges once again. But I believe jump starting your libido can create confidence and momentum that can be carried over to your own bedroom.
When you return, make an effort to reduce as much stress in your life as you can. Let your partner know what is stressing you. Perhaps he or she can help. Stress can have many negative effects on your body, and your sex drive is near the top of the list.
// MIKE ANDERSON
Have a sex or relationship question?
Send it to kansasinheat@yahoo.com.
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