FEATURE
★
1:45 A.M., HOOKAH HOUSE,
730 MASSACHUSETTS ST.
Tired of drinking and knowing last call is on its way anyway, we stop by Hookah House. The interior is as smoky as ever and there is a decent amount of people there. I plop onto a modified couch cushion on the floor and order strawberry-kiwi shisha.
I knew a few people, but keep my distance in order to prevent any embarrassing drunken moments. We smoke hookah and drink large quantities of water to help hydrate, but we need a quick late-night snack.
2:40 A.M., JIMMY JOHN'S,
922 MASSACHUSETTS ST.
We smell very smoky now with smoke soaking into our hair and clothes. We head to Jimmy John's because it's about the only thing open. I order a turkey and provolone. I've never been there before, and not to sound like an advertisement, but they are freaky fast. I have my sandwich before I get my change. We sit down to devour our sandwiches.
I reach in my pocket and find a strange hat. How the hell did that get in there? The brown, beige and orange striped hat matches perfectly with my new jacket, and I switch hats without thinking the hat could be infected with lice.
3:23 A.M., JAVA BREAK, 17 E. SEVENTH ST.
Java Break is empty. I get biscuits and gravy and a chai latte and we claim the graffiti room as our own. I grab a few games and get my ass kicked in Battleship, yet I reclaim a little of my manhood while playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.
After the food and drink, we lie around talking half-asleep bullshit, until a balding man of about 350 pounds comes in and sits next to us. He has the entire place to choose a seat, why does he sit next to us at 4:30 in the morning? I don't want to find out; we leave quickly.
4:44 A.M., MUNCHER'S BAKERY, 925 IOWA ST.
We get to Muncher's and my energy is at an all-time low. The place is deserted, but it's nice to have some silence. We each get a cream cheese donut and work on a crossword puzzle together. Other than softly speaking answers to the puzzle, we don't say a word to each other. I feel bad for dragging Laura on this expedition.
We almost finish the crossword puzzle, but I can tell Laura wants to go home, so we leave.
5:32 A.M., GO HOME
I'm not doing well at all. I've had too much caffeine and it's catching up with me. Or maybe it's just the strange mixture of foods and drinks I've been consuming all night. Either way, my
stomach is cramping up big time.
I decide I need to finish the experiment early. I lie down, but can't sleep. I am way too jittery and can't keep still. Finally around 6:30 a.m., I nod off.
7:51 A.M., AWAKEN
I wake up to a text message from the photographer assigned to capture evidence of this madness. After peeling my face from my pillow, I try to focus my eyes and read the message. I sloppily reply that I failed and I'm not going to be able to finish my mission.
I drop my phone and my face slams back to the mattress. I shut my eyes for a few seconds, then realize I need to try to finish the day. Still in my clothes from last night, I put my contacts back in and head out the door.
CONSUMPTION LIST
LOCAL BURGER
ELK BURGER
ORGANIC RED WINE
REPLAY LOUNGE
THREE CANS OF PABST BLUE'RIBBON
LA PARRILA
ENCHILADA PANCHERA
TWO-THIRDS A PITCHER OF MARGARITAS
THE WHEEL CAN OF BUD LIGHT
HENRY'S ON EIGHT
DOUBLE WHISKEY AND DIET
LARGE COFFEE
I-BAR
BOTTLE OF BLVD. WHEAT
JACKPOT
THREE PINTS OF WHATEVER'S CHEAPEST
JIMMY JOHNS
TURKEY PROVOLONE SLIM SANDWICH
8:03 A.M., JAPANESE FRIENDSHIP GARDEN,
1045 MASSACHUSETTS ST.
NAVA BREAK
CHAI LATTE
BISCUITS AND GRAVY
It's pleasantly sunny, although still a little cold. I walk downtown and take a rest in the Japanese Friendship Garden. With about 90 minutes of sleep in me, I'm still not 100-percent recovered from the incidents of last night. I'm still jittery and my stomach is killing me.
I review my notes and see what I've done so far. Sometime about 10:30 p.m., my notes become mostly illegible, yet they snap back into legibility at about 3 a.m. I look at my watch and see I need to survive for just four more hours.
MUNCHER'S BAKERY
CREAM CHEESE DONUT
JET LAG
HALF OF A BLOODY MARY
The mourning after: About 20 hours into his experiment, Getz takes some time to collect himself at the Japanese Friendship Garden, 1045 Massachusetts St.
8:47 A.M., FARMERS' MARKET,
NINTH AND NEW HAMPSHIRE STREETS
My next stop is the farmers' market to see if I can find some fresh fruits or veggies. To my surprise most of the vendors are gone, and the ones who are there have very limited supplies of stuff I don't want, such as gourds and honey.
I toy with the idea of emu meat, but decide against it. I grab a cup of spiced cider, take one last quick look and leave.
Recharging the batteries: Getz stops by the Lawrence Farmers' Market to pick up some fuel for the last few hours of his full day on the town.
1:45 a.m.
2:40 a.m.
3:23 a.m.
4:44 a.m.
5:32 a.m.
7:51 a.m.
8:03 a.m.
8:47 a.m.
9:00 a.m.
9:58 a.m.
9
10
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