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kansas in heat (print edition) // WOOING WITH HUMOR
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Relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one weekly Jayplay column at a time
Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Minn., graduate student, is the host of Kansas in Heat, a talk show about sex and relationships that airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on KJLK, 90 7fm and at kjhk.org.
*THE OPINIONS OF THIS COLUMNIST DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF JAYPLAY, KANSAS IN HEAT IS NOT TO BE CONSIDERED AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP.
Q: I've had a crush on this girl who I've been working with for two months now. She is very personable but kind of shy. Strangely however, I heard that she has been on numerous dates but rarely calls the guys back. I really want to ask her out and show her a good time. Do you have any ideas that might separate me from the other guys? Do you have any good date ideas that would seem to wow this serial dater?
A: As Will Smith once so eloquently put it in the movie Hitch, "No matter what, no matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom."
Unfortunately for a lot of us, finding the right broom is sometimes a difficult process. What works for one man or woman won't always work for another. I do believe however that some universal qualities of attractiveness do exist. In the past I've talked about how important confidence is, but in this article I want to talk about the importance of using humor in dating. Since 1958 studies have consistently shown that college students find a sense of humor to be crucial in a dating partner. Humor is one of the first qualities listed in personal advertisements found in magazines, newspapers and online dating sites.
Humor is a major turn on for both sexes. Not only has it been found to be a major component of initial attraction, but studies have shown it actually becomes more important to both men and women as the level of commitment in relationships increases. It doesn't matter if you find yourself unattractive or gorgeous, using humor will make you look both sexier and less intimidating. If your date is showing signs of nervousness, using self-deprecating humor is a great way to reduce tension and build rapport.
If you don't think of yourself as a very humorous person, try to construct dates that could end up being humorous. Allow the situation to create the humor. Being involved in humorous situations will always help break the ice and reduce tension in those first and second dates. I'm not saying you necessarily need to go to an improv-comedy show, but just try to avoid dates that involve a lot of tension. For example, dinner at a fine restaurant can often times be stuffy and nerve-racking. Instead invite your date to try something new.
Take a personal class with your date and learn to dance, surf, do pottery, whatever you think your date will like. Think back to all those episodes of Blind Date you've seen. Try more action dates such as hiking or biking. If all that fails then go straight to the karaoke — that always makes for a great time. Anyone who is willing to sing karaoke — whether they're good or bad — probably has a great sense of humor.
By using humor you are increasing your likelihood of being desired. So many people focus on looks and grooming. We care so deeply about the car we drive and the designer clothes we wear, but the truth about attraction is that things such as confidence and humor are much more universal than clothes and cars will ever be. Forget the standard dinner-and-a-movie date and use your imagination. Be sure to have fun and always have a great sense of humor.
Have a sex or relationship question? Send it to kansasinheat@yahoo.com.
// MIKE ANDERSON
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