FEATURE
★
TERMS OF ENDEARMENT *
Physical PDA isn't the only way to gross out your friends. Verbal PDA can get just as obnoxious. But for couples, using romantic nicknames such as "babe" and "hun" shows fondness for your partner.
Giving your sugar a little honey: Public displays of affection can be a manifestation of a healthy, affectionate relationship. The trick is to find the right balance.
Allison Decker, Olathe sophomore, likes to call her boyfriend "love," and he calls her "sweets." Using lovey language makes their relationship feel more intimate, she says.
It's no coincidence that we call each other nicknames related to food. Wood says that says that using pet names like "sweetie," "honey" and "pumpkin" evoke images of goodness or sweetness. "They're just one of the little ways we subconsciously try to show each other how we feel," Wood says.
Not everyone finds pet names so sweet though. Calling your man "snookums" in front of his buddies might evoke the gag reflex. Matthew Crooks, Stillwell senior, doesn't like using pet names. "They have a name for a reason. Just use it," he says.
When it comes to expressing your feelings for someone in public, it's all about finding balance. Your fellow partiers might appreciate it if you limit the verbal PDA and keep the physical stuff PG-13. Or just get a room already.
WHAT YOUR PDA SAYS ABOUT YOU
As you swivel around on a bar stool to make out with your boyfriend at Brothers, you could unknowingly be giving away clues about your relationship. See which of the three couples below fit you and your honey.
THE NEEDY COUPLE
Couples in constant lip lock who can't keep their paws off of each other might actually be having issues in their relationship, says Grant Wood, licensed clinical marriage therapist at the Resonate Relationship Clinic in Overland Park. Excessive PDA could reflect insecurities in a relationship that needs touch to keep it alive.
Body language cues can give away a needy couple. When couples don't walk in step with each other it could represent inequality in the relationship, says Patti Wood, body language expert in Atlanta. If one person pulls ahead of the other it shows that they see themselves as more important while one person getting dragged behind the other reveals an unhealthy dependency on the other person.
Another cue that shows inequality is when a guy rests his arm around a girl's back. He doesn't hold her hand; he just puts his arm around her. Guys sometimes do this to show ownership. "It's more about possession than affection," Patti Wood says.
If a girl grips her man tightly, practically impaling her fingers on his side, it shows that she wants control. "It could mean she's afraid he's not going to be faithful to her," Patti Wood says.
THE HEALTHY COUPLE
A healthy amount of PDA implies strength in a relationship. Couples who feel comfortable with each other understand what the other considers acceptable PDA.
Healthy couples give away their affection for each other by unconsciously doing the "V position," Patti Wood says. They face each other slightly with their inside feet facing their significant other to form a "V" Couples usually do this while chatting with other people.
Couples in healthy relationships also simply touch each other — but not excessively. Actions such as a hand on her back or around her waist while she rests her hand on his hip reveal a
couple's ease with each other.
You can also spot healthy relationships by looking for mirroring. Couples who match each other's movements, such as leaning towards each other while talking, are showing affection for each other.
THE HANDS-OFF COUPLE
"Normal" PDA also just depends on the couple. "Some people live their lives out loud and others just don't," says Paul Anderson, licensed counseling psychologist at Anderson and Anderson in Overland Park. When it gets to the point that the couple is completely polarized, when they're doing things such as sitting on completely opposite ends of the couch, that's when there might be a problem.
Koren Binns, Overland Park senior, says she and her boyfriend just aren't touchy-feely people. They won't even hold hands while shopping. When they're out, they're out to get something done. "There's always time for affection when you get home," she says.
PRE-PDA:
WHEN TO PROCED,
WHEN TO BACK OFF
If you're on a first date or have just met someone, how do you know if they're into you? Check out their body language to decide whether to back off or move forward.
GOOD CLUES:
The most telling portion of the body is from the waist down, says Patti Wood, body language expert at Communication Dynamics in Atlanta. If your crush's feet point your way, even when standing across the room, he or she may be into you."Where the feet point the heart follows,"Wood says.
Also check to see if the person looks relaxed. If you're sitting at a table and your crush is resting his hands on the table toward you, he's symbolically reaching out to you.
When first meeting someone, you should probably keep the PDA to a minimum — handholding at the most, says Caroline Tiger, author of How to Behave: Dating and Sex.
Any tension in the body is a bad sign. Crossed arms or hands could mean "back off." Also, if the person's head is pointed down and away it shows that he or she doesn't want to be talking to you, even if the person sounds friendly.
BAD CLUES:
If your date gets grabby, give him or her obvious hints that the PDA is not ok. If he goes in for the French kiss, give him the cheek; if she puts her hand in a place you don't want, remove it. "It's a good tactic for weeding people out," Tiger says.
9
22
09