Opinion
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
United States First Amendment
FRIDAY,SEPTEMBER 11,2009
United States First Amendment Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech,or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Editorial: Problems with the new mo-ped policy
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--encompassing labels.
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To the person who stole the pink KU license plate from the front of my car: I hope you get in a wreck and it is your fault.
--encompassing labels.
I don't know if I should be happy or upset that nobody tries to hand me fliers on Wescoe Beach.
Someone ate the pork fried rice I made last night. Hell will be raised and Satan will find those accountable.
--encompassing labels.
--encompassing labels.
Goal number two: Have Tyshawn Taylor's baby.
Guess what, boys? Now, you too can get the HPV vaccine!
Girl in the little red Honda trying to park on Illinois Street at 7:45 this morning: You fail
PAGE 5A
Some people get stage fright;
well I get poop fright. Damn
public restrooms.
--encompassing labels.
I don't know how these retards got into college, but I really wish the dumb chicks in my chemistry lab would drop out already. Seriously.
--encompassing labels.
I really want to get in the FFA without saying I want to get in the FFA so they will feel bad for me and put me in the FFA!
How did I end up in a twin size bed? This was never supposed to happen. You have to be REALLY tired to fall asleep on this bed.
Love — It's all you need.
What are you smoking and can I have some?
--encompassing labels.
--encompassing labels.
What is my cat doing ...
I enjoy when my roommate is gone from 2 to 4. It's my naked time
I get nothing done in the library ...
--encompassing labels.
--encompassing labels.
I just ripped my pants.
--encompassing labels.
So I just realized that someone in my English class does the Wescoe Wit. I now feel obligated to come to class well-rehearsed in both Shake speare and guips.
--encompassing labels.
Do you remember that time you were inside of me, because I don't.
--encompassing labels.
Learning to live with labels
LGBT
How do you know you're gay? I can't count the number of times I've been asked this question since I took that first step out of my oh-so-crowded-and-definitely-not-straight closet.
This question is one of the more commonly asked ones when people discover someone is gay.
Sometimes the person asking the question is genuinely curious about how I first knew I was a lesbian. I was 17 and participating in a Truth or Dare game and someone dared me to make out with this beautiful girl. Needless to say, that game opened my eyes to a part of me I had no idea existed.
Sometimes they ask, "Have you ever slept with a guy?" and then proceed to remark that I just "haven't had good dick yet."
My favorite response is, "How do you know you're straight? Have you had good dick/pussy yet?"
All joking aside, in a world where more and more research is being done on sexual fluidity and labels that go beyond "gay", "straight" and "bi" (try "pansexual" or "polysexual"), people are beginning to learn that things aren't as black and white as they may have seemed.
Who we like or how we like to enjoy sex isn't limited to all-
Scientist Alfred Kinsey, renowned for his studies on people and their sexual likings, created the Kinsey Scale: A person is issued a number ranging from zero (exclusively heterosexual) to six (exclusively homosexual) depending on their experiences and who they like to have sex with.
This scale helped people realize that sexuality isn't just a label; that people are more than labels. We put labels on things like jars and boxes so we know if they are fragile or what ingredients are in them. Labeling ourselves, whether it is by gender, race, sexual orientation or whatever else isn't as easy to do, especially if what we are labeled isn't the social norm.
I know there's a natural resistance in many of us toward labels, but part of life is learning to accept who you are. Knowing what you are labeled and owning those labels can bring you into your own.
"You tell me I'm gay? Damn
right I am and proud of it" Only you can let these labels hold you back.
I've found that it took time, insight and experience to build the confidence to not let labels restrict me. Though it may not be for everyone to live with labels, associating with one can strengthen your faith in yourself if you don't take it too seriously.
Labels are simply labels — that's all there is to them. Life is one big ball of experiences, and just because you "kissed a girl (or guy) and you liked it" — oh, Katy Perry, how I despise you for that song — doesn't mean you are gay, straight, bi, etc.
You and only you are the one who knows how you feel and who you feel it for. Just because you had a good time in bed with the same or opposite sex doesn't mean you are suddenly not who you thought you were.
Maybe that label you've been trying to avoid might be that confidence boost you've been needing to ease the flow of life.
As Plato said, Know thyself.
Just remember to use protection
when you are trying to figure it
out. OK?
As Plato said, "Know thyself."
EDITORIAL CARTOON
Bornstein is a Lawrence senior in sociology and women's studies.
NICHOLAS SAMBALUK
HUMOR
Campus buildings personified
I decided it was time to re-evaluate how certain buildings are viewed on campus. (Partly because hearing the same nonchalant tone from certain bus drivers gets old.) Thus, I present to you "If the buildings were people."
Budig Hall — George Foreman. That's right, that man on the cover of your George Foreman grill got there by delivering some of the hardest-hitting punches known to man. Perhaps best known today as creator of the indoor grilling industry — the "Lean, Mean, Fat Grilling Machine" — he is recognized as one of the greatest boxers of all time, compiling a 76-5 record.
Budig Hall — George Foreman
Just as George lived through two successful careers, Budig Hall has experienced two "careers" of its own. Built in 1927 as Hoch Auditorium, it was used as the home court of KU basketball, among other events, until Allen Fieldhouse was built in 1955. Following a lightning strike, the building was renovated to house lecture halls. The renovated hall was named after Gene Budig, the University's 14th chancellor.
The man might have created one of the most successful inventions of the decade, but I won't call him creative just yet -- all five of his sons are named George.
It is on Wescoe Beach where student groups and organizations advertise their endeavors while their target market gossips the day away in the Underground. Additionally, the randomly placed auditoria on the north side of the building are close to the Spanish and history departments.
Zuckerburg has created a site that can almost be used for every function, from networking to sales to learning. Indeed, Wescoe seems to have a little bit of everything as well.
TRENT BOULTINGHOUSE
Zuckerberg, creator of Facebook. Everyone's favorite parking garage-turned-lecture-hall that also has-a food-court is a cultural focal point on campus.
Wescool Hall — Mark
Zuckerberg creator of Facebook
The Bookstores — the late Billy Mays
The bookstores have every item you need, including books. Much like Billy Mays, they sell you anything and everything that comes to mind.
Watson Library — Blue Mart
Group.
As anyone who has been to a Blue Man Group show can testify, there isn't anything like it in live entertainment. Needless to say, I haven't found more than one Gothic-style limestone library on the campus. Watson opened in 1924 and, much like the three painted men that host a variety show, has relied on its unique design to become iconic.
Marvin Hall — Clint Eastwood.
Marvin Hall - Chris Larkwood
Though still important today, Marvin Hall strikes me as a building that was probably appreciated more in the past than it is now. Having to compete with newer, nearby buildings such as Anschutz Library and Snow Hall, Marvin often fades into the background of Jayhawk Blvd.
Eastwood proved he still possesses the necessary skills to be a star with "Gran Torino," and Marvin, although an older building, now houses the School of Architecture, Design & Planning.
Regardless, Marvin Hall has a nostalgic and refreshing feel compared to the other buildings on campus, similar to Eastwood.
Boultinghouse is a Girard sophomore in journalism and history.
HUMOR
Auditing our existence
When the Existential Accountants come to your door, the best thing to do is to smile and pretend like you were expecting them.
They are people who love and have total faith in what they do. They frighten IRS accountants.
They undoubtedly notified you in writing of your impending audit, but you must have lost their letter. This sort of thing seems to happen all the time, and it's exactly why they've come for you.
The EAS aren't all that different from IRS accountants in what they do, but they are generally much more attractive and in better physical health than the IRS accountants, and they smile constantly.
Are you reasonably well learned, traveled, loved? Can you provide documentation as evidence of these things?
Existential audits occur when it's time for you to stop and take stock. Time to sit down and look at how you've lived your life so far and what difference your existence has made in the world.
Or perhaps you have spent the last ten years of your life in a listless procession of days that you can't, and have no reason to, remember. Maybe the only people who really understand you are Simpson's characters and the cast of "The Office."
If you can't account for your time, happiness and the fruits of your existence* one way or the other, this could be a sign of a haphazard, disorganized existence. The existential auditors make no distinction between incomplete files and an incomplete life.
I was visited by the EAs a couple of weeks ago. They told me to think about the process in accounting terms — credits and debts, inputs and outputs. What precious resources have I consumed to sustain my existence and what have I given back to this
BEN UNGLESBEE
My EAs seemed concerned with my record keeping and the contents of the boxes they rum-maged through. It's not that I lacked documentation of how I've spent my time, but I guess it didn't give them a very clear picture of the state of my existence. Or it did, but the state of my existence is somehow unclear.
I was to collect ticket stubs from concerts, movies and plane flights. I was to take tests demonstrating that I remember and can apply the information I've learned from classes I have taken before the current semester. Photographs of myself with an arm around a disadvantaged person of some sort would be very helpful.
For instance, the EAs expressed some dismay over finding two separate citations for driving without proof of insurance, issued within a month of each other, and which were in the same box as my proof of insurance.
They were also alarmed over my weekly pancake intake (WPI) and my dates-to-repeated-solitary-viewings-of-Napoleon-Dynamite ratio (DTRSVN ratio).
They ended up leaving with several boxes of documents that they said they would need to be analyzed at their headquarters.
They didn't tell me what would happen if the results of the audit were bad, and I'm still waiting to hear back from them. But I don't really have anything else to do.
Unglesbee is an Overland Park senior in creative writing and economics.
FROM NEBRASKA
sweet, ephemeral life?
Daily Nebraskan
We all know the band Journey. We live in America, so it's
Karaoke in Congress
SARAH MEKECKI
inevitable, right? We know their hit songs "Any Way You Want It," "Open Arms," "Faithfully" and, of course, the all-time classic "Don't Stop Believin"
It doesn't matter if you're 16 or 60, when you hear Journey, your ears perk up. You can be a Republican, a Democrat, an Independent. Hell, you can even be a Libertarian. It doesn't matter. You still know Journey.
You can love them, hate them or care less, but I'm willing to bet you've heard their music more than once, and you've at least taken note of it. A lot of you probably know the lyrics, even those of you who wish Journey would rot in hell.
In nation where we are growing further and further ideologically apart, we need to find the little things like Journey to remind us of our shared identity. Granted, five middle-aged rockers may not be the image we want to go for, but you get the point.
It's amazing what this song does to people. We forget about the
clique we came with and get lost in the crowd. We can't wait for the chorus. "Don't stop believin', hold onto that feelin'/ streetlight people, woooahhhh." And then, almost in unison, we go into the air guitar solo.
But the America I live in is a very different American than many people live in. I am white, upper-middle class, very privileged. I've never dealt with many of the issues that so many Americans face, and as a consequence, I may not be able to sing along when their signature song starts playing. But is this such a bad thing? Not to me. I'm always up for a new song
In reality, today's America probably needs about 50 karaoke hits for the nation to sing in the bar on a Friday night. We have become a nation of diversity, a nation that embraces the differences in people and accepts them because of, not in spite of, what makes them unique.
So here's what I propose: President Obama is having a tough time getting politicians to agree on just about anything in Washington these days, but that's because he's going about it in entirely the wrong way. What he needs to do is host a karaoke party for Congress.
— UWire
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