❤
CONTACT
Rules of engagement
Contributed photo
》 A LESSON IN INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS
// HAILEY OSTERHAUS
International attraction: Dajun Woo and Matthew Brown met while studying abroad in Japan, and continue their romance stateside.
When Dajung Woo, South Korea senior and Mathew Brown, JCCC student and future KU student, hugged for the first time, Brown wrapped his arms around Woo, and she instantly became tense. She bent forward so her body wouldn't touch his, and she lightly patted him on the back. With a nervous smile and shaky laugh, she walked away thinking about why Brown readily hugged her. This was when Brown realized South Koreans never hug each other.
Brown and Woo are just one couple that have experienced the cultural shock of international dating. It's not exactly easy to snag someone from a different country. With an enrollment of more than 30,000 students and about 2,000 of them being international students, a date with a person from a different country is quite unlikely. But there is always a chance that you may one day be sitting across a table from an exotic date when a bill is dropped between the two of you. Then the questions of culture set in, and you wonder about the proper and safe way to get the bill paid. In Korea, Singapore, Mexico and China, there are some definite rules to follow so that you can avoid embarrassment.
Woo says that most Korean girls don't date at a young age because their parents will disapprove. If the girls go against their parents' wishes, they have to keep their boyfriends a secret. "Koreans hide their boyfriends and girlfriends from their parents. We never hang out with parents or at the house," says Woo. Usually the secret boyfriends are much older than the girls because of military recruitment. Every man is required to join the military when they are in their early 20s, leaving an age gap among the men.
Luckily, Woo didn't have to spend too much time keeping a boyfriend a secret. She met Brown while they were both studying abroad in Japan, and now that they are both in the United States, Brown has the luxury of showing Woo a good time no matter what they decide to do. "An awesome thing about being able to date a girl from another culture is that everything is new to her. Dajung has never seen some of the animals here, not even a bunny running across the road," Brown says. "Dates are so easy to plan."
According to Ray Sin, Singapore graduate student, dates in Singapore are so casual that planning isn't necessary. "We don't have a lot of
rules governing dating propriety," says Sin. In fact, if the male picks up the girl at her house, which is a rare occurrence because cars are so expensive, he will text her to come to the car instead of knocking on the door and introducing himself.
Sin has been on dates where reservations had been made and drinks were ordered for him. "We are very capable of ordering our own drinks. I thought that was weird," says Sin.
In Singapore, the fertility rate is low, and the Singapore government is doing everything they can to promote marriage and procreation. The "campaign" is called Romancing Singapore. This event is like a festival, but lasts a year long so the people's behavior will be influenced. "The government is basically teaching us how to date. It's evil and it's hetero normative," Sin says. Sin strongly believes that the government is wrong to not consider single mothers and same sex couples.
The dating scene in Mexico seems to be a bit more liberal. There isn't any specific age where boys and girls start dating, but at 18 they are legal
to drink and therefore go to clubs to drink and dance.
- Dancing is actually a plus if you want to attract a partner. Elizabeth Villalobos, Mexico Grad student, jokes about her current boyfriend's moves, "He tries to dance but he's bad. The man is supposed to lead, and usually you will expect a boyfriend to go out and dance with you all night."
People in Mexico also like
When the relationship goes from friendship to a more serious relationship, the boyfriend will ask the girlfriend's parents if it is OK to take her out. Villalobos says that Latin culture is extremely vocal, and there is no problem with communicating with the parents, quite unlike Korea and Singapore.
to stretch their vocal chords by commenting frequently during movies. Even during conversation, if one person doesn't interrupt the other with short phrases, it is seen as a flaw in a person's ability to communicate. "We are more oral than visual. In Latin American culture if you don't say yes or no, this is proof that you are not engaged in the conversation; they will think you're bored," says Villalobos.
Also, when dating a Mexican man, let him pay the bills. If you've ever heard of the machismo nature of a man, this is part of it. "Males pay for everything. Always. And if he doesn't, that means that he's not man enough," says Villalobos. "I always wanted to pay though, and if the girl does pay, they get really offended because you won't let them be a man fully."
In China, paying for dates is different. "When we split bills, it's really uncomfortable to me as a Chinese (person) because we take turns in China," says Yinjie Li, China graduate student. The typical place for a date is KFC or McDonalds. Surprisingly, these fast food restaurants are on the expensive side for a date, and Pizza Hut is twice as expensive. Li says these places are considered
exotic and welcoming for a date.
Li is married to an American and she recalls an embarrassing story. The first time he met her parents he didn't bring gifts for them. In China, the man is expected to bring alcohol or cigarettes to the father and fruits or flowers to the mother. This goes for women meeting their boyfriend's parents for the first time as well. When Li's soon-to-be husband didn't bring gifts she was a bit embarrassed because this would usually be considered as disrespectful.
All four of these international students have a significant other that is American. There might be barriers of cultural differences, but their relationships hold strong. According to Brown, dating a girl from a different culture is the best way to go. "An intercultural relationship is one of the best things ever. I never thought I could learn so much from one person. I'm learning about language, food and culture. Everything is new," says Brown. "I love every single moment I spend with her."
What not to do on a date with a Korean.
Photo illustration by Jerry Wang
To avoid freaking out your Asian girlfriend or boyfriend, never place the chopsticks sticking straight down in the rice you are eating. In Korea, Japan and China, this is a symbol for the dead. Woo says that on days that the dead are worshiped, families will symbolically offer a table of food to the spirits of the dead. In the center all of the delicious food is a bowl of rice with the chopsticks standing straight up.
09 12
03
09
---