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kansas in heat (print edition) // TOTAL BODY SENSUALITY
Relationship researcher Mike Anderson lays out his plan to tackle the sticky world of relationship advice, one weekly Jayplay column at a time.
As Yogi Berra might say, when it comes to sex, let's start from the beginning. The key to great sex is total body sensuality. This week's column will explore what this is and why it's important.
Total body sensuality (TBS) is a style of sex that involves stimulating all the erogenous zones of your partner. With TBS the key is to explore every inch of your partner and find the zones of their body that really turn him or her on when touched.
Many sexual therapists will agree that an entire body approach is the best during sex. The catch is that every individual has different locations of their "hot spots." As a lover your goal is to figure out what areas — besides the genitals — make your partner go crazy. If you can get your partner to feel pleasure all over his or her body, it will make for a much more enjoyable sexual experience for both of you.
One of the most sensitive and potent sexual organs is the skin. Taking a tour of your partner's skin will help you discover how to better turn them on. So, when you do engage in sex you can stimulate areas of his or her body besides the genitals.
The catch to this style of sex is that you must know your body and what turns you on. How can someone else know how to stimulate and arouse you if even you don't know your erogenous zones? The people who are the best at sex are the ones who really know their body and their partner's body. Take some time and find out where on your body you get the most aroused. The next time you masturbate, touch all around your body to discover what turns you on. Then communicate that with your partner. Explore every inch of your partner to help them also discover their erogenous zones. Imagine feeling that
amazing tingly feeling all over your body instead of just in one isolated area.
For men, TBS takes pressure off the performance of the penis. I've read many times that the best sex for females in a heterosexual relationship is with guys who really know how to use their lips and tongue. And, if a guy can get aroused by other parts of his body, it allows the penis to not always be the focal point, which will allow him to last much longer and get his penis to behave
the way he wants.
TBS is also potentially critical to women's sexual responsiveness. Without it, many women have less of a chance to achieve proper lubrication and orgasm. Most women need at least 15 to 20 minutes of foreplay to get properly lubricated. Men may be aroused by sight, but women are aroused by touch.
// MIKE ANDERSON
Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Minn., graduate student, is the host of Kansas in Heat, a talk show about sex and relationships that airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on KJHK, 90.7fm and at kjhk.org.
*THE OPINIONS OF THIS COLUMNIST DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF JAYPLAY. KANSAS IN HEAT IS NOT TO BE CONSIDERED AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP.
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