Page 6A
Friday, October 25,1996
Bird's EyeView
intimate VIOLENCE
by Megan Jordan
very 15 seconds in the United States a woman is battered by her husband or live-in partner. This figure released by the Department of Justice in 1992 does not reflect women who suffer mental abuse or men who are in abusive relationships. And it does not reflect abuse in the most common relationships among college students, those in which a couple does not live together.
In short, numbers will never represent the true amount of violence that occurs in romantic relationships, said Barbara Ballard, associate dean of student life and director of the Emily Taylor Women's Resource Center.
"How often does it happen?" Ballard asked rhetorically. "I don't know. Does it happen? Yes it does. Just look at the newspaper or front page of a magazine. It happens all the time, and it's no different for college students."
Students agree that abusive or violent relationships are not uncommon among their peers.
it nappens more than we realize," said Jon Davis, Overland Park sophomore. "I think there is a lot more mental than physical
abuse, so no one really notices.
Jim Kreider, clinical social worker at Counseling and Psychological Services, said the consequences of this mental abuse can be more harmful than suffering physical violence.
"It's scary seeing what happens physically, but often those injuries heal up faster than emotional scars." he said.
Ballard also said women were often too afraid to leave a relationship. They believe abuse may escalate when their partner discovers they are leaving.
Kreider said victims begin feeling like they deserve bad treatment, and their self-esteem quickly deflates. This leads to dependency on the abuser because victims believe they are not good enough for anone else.
"Even if you have the nerve to get out of a relationship, you can still be harassed," she said. "You're not really out of it."
Ballard agreed that the loss of self-worth can make verbal abuse more damaging in the long run because victims lose confidence in their abilities and talents. This contributes to victims staying with an abusive partner.
Davis said another reason why students may not break-up with an abusive partner was that they
refused to believe the person they care for can truly be violent.
"Most of the time abuse does not start right off the bat," he said. "The person thinks, I love the person for how I knew them at the beginning of the relationship before the abuse started."
There were 519 girlfriends killed by their boyfriends in 1992. There were 240 boyfriends killed by their girlfriends in 1992. There are 572,000 women who report instances of assault each year.
It is estimated that 43 percent of abused women never reveal that they've been abused.
Department of Justice, 1992
Ballard said Davis correctly assumed that violence did not begin immediately. Instead, abusive relationships often begin with little things such as pinching, pushing or holding arms behind the back. Such behavior can explode into harsher violence at any time, Ballard said, and should be treated as a warning sign.
Contrastingly, Kreider said this behavior would not necessarily develop into serious violence and was a problem that can be worked through.
Kreider and Ballard both said that there was no one reason to explain violent behavior. Men are
"It is important for both men and women to accept that there are times when most everyone will feel tempted to be violent," he said.
trained
to be violent through social institutions such as the military and athletics, Kreider suggested. People who are abusive feel a need for control. When a partner does not responded to demands, the abuser feels desperate and turns to force.
He acts tough and violent to hide his feelings of desperation and vulnerability, Kreider said.
Ballard said abuse was a learned behavior and could result from being physically or mentally abused as a child.
Whatever the case, Ballard said,
there is no excuse for violence.
"It isn't the way to handle a dispute or get your way," she said. "It's just not acceptable. It's not a way to solve anything."
STUDENTS' HEALTH
1. Only some types of people are subject to violent relationships. Anyone can fall victim to an abusive relationship, Ballard said. All races and economic groups are equally at risk. Woman tend to be victims more often than men because they are physically weaker, but men are also vulnerable.
"You can't discount verbal abuse or take advantage of men who don't believe in hitting women," Ballard said.
She also said it was not true that women with low self-esteem were most often abused. Typically, low self-esteem is a result of suffering abuse.
"Women with low self-esteem may be more likely to stay in a relationship longer," she said. "Sometimes women with low self-esteem tend to
"Women with low self-esteem may be more likely to stay in a relationship longer," she said. "Sometimes women with low self-esteem tend to choose the same type of guy."
2. It is only abuse if it happens consistently.
"You can't excuse it by saying it doesn't happen very often," Ballard said. "All that says is that the person has a little more control over what they do but, when that person is out of control, you are still going to get hit." One instance of violent behavior is cause for alarm and should not be tolerated, she said. Sometimes one push can be all it takes. When I get to the bottom of the steps I might not be alive when I get up to have it happen again," Ballard said.
3. The abuser will change his behavior on his own.
"A person apologizes and says they will change, and you believe them," Ballard said." But for a person who is abusive, it's hard to just stop on their own. They need counseling."
She said abusers become addicted to wielding power through force and will continue to use violence until they learn a new way of dealing with others. Also, abusers must want to change their behav-