THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2012
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
PAGE 4A
Text your FFA submissions to 785-289-8351 or at kansan.com
I'll assume no one would be upset that I wrote in Bill Selfs name for president, right?! With Danny as the Vice!
People who cry over elections don't watch sports.
Last night's big vote was crazy! I can't believe Colorado legalized pot!
Anyone been listening to Taylor swift on repeat? Yeah... Me neither.
Wait... There was a presidential election?
You get healthcare! And you get healthcare!
And you get healthcare!
EVERYBODY GETS HEALTHCARE!
Is weed really legal in Colorado? Or is everyone just blowing smoke?
I should be able to smoke without criticism and violence. It's my decision.
Ourquirrels have attacked people way before the prehistoric age. No way you got attacked before it was cool.
Editor's Note: Based on my research, the bunnies are running west Lawrence. It's an Eastside/Westside turf war.
I've known about squirrels since grade school when they won the war against the bunnies. Don't see many bunnies around do you?
Actually I'm wearing a turtle neck because I'm cold. I wish I had a hickey.
"Halo 4" and "Black Ops 2" are both coming out during No Shave November. Teen pregnancy is going to be at an all time low.
Kevin Young just got pie'd in the face on Wescoe!
I challenge everyone on campus to stop and meet someone new today. Your opener can be "Hey, have you seen this FFA?"
lan Cummings: J-School's choice for most eligible TA.
To Obama supporters: Four more years, woohoo! To Obama opposers: Don't worry guys, I'm sure we'll get him out next time!
Jeff Whithey would make a totally hot Slenderman.
The religious crusaders on Jayhawk Boulevard have mastered advertising. We can trust no one.
Can I just say I hooked up with Batman? I would rather not know who was under the mask...
Prioritize basketball vs. academics
UNIVERSITY
There is something special that occurs at the end of October, and classes shouldn't get in the way of it.
Sure the dog days of classes are weighing heavily upon us, but instead of cracking under the pressure we keep going on little sleep and a whole lot of caffeine. It's basketball season. There is no time to slack. The name Jayhawk evokes a sense of pride and tradition. The University of Kansas is known for basketball. It is almost mandatory to love it in order to be a Jayhawk. Here, we do it right. We have lottery at 6 a.m., the camping all week long, the sprinting to the best seats, the waiting, the
newspaper ripping, the cheering,
and ultimately the game.
If our world revolves around the loudest sporting arena in the country and a legendary game with a certain set of rules, then why isn't everyone participating? Frankly, there exist students that do not want to participate. It's crazy to believe, I know, but it's true. Some classes are held in the evening and although I think it's absolutely absurd that attendance is mandatory, many are not canceled on account of a basketball game. Professors should know that all students are going to do is think of the game, check phones for updates on the game, and not listen to a word spoken. Trust me, I know I am more interested in what @FakeJeffWithey will tweet next than what I am supposed to be learning.
Don't even get me started on exams. Really? When a school's essence screams "basketball," why is there an exam scheduled smack dab in the middle of a game? I
want to watch the action on the court, not draw pictures on my scantron.
Many students matriculate to the University for the sole experience of basketball in The Phog. It is a huge marketing point for the university for athletes and fans. When I was in fifth grade my friend took me as her guest to watch the Jayhawks play at Kemper Arena in Kansas City. From the moment I heard that first swish of a three-point shot, I was in love. I began to truly appreciate the sport and the tradition of basketball at the University. Basketball means everything here in Lawrence. It is the reason we buy the Sports Combo
pack. We love sports and we love our athletes. Therefore, no one should have to choose between basketball and anything else.
I'll ask the childhood question:
If you were stranded on an island and could only have one thing, what would it be? My answer: Jayhawk basketball. It seems like a lot, but it's the one thing I cannot survive without. I bleed crimson and blue and will forever chant from the top of my lungs: "Rock Chalk Jayhawk!"
HUMOR
Jordan Warren is a junior majoring in journalism from Overland Park. For low her @twitter @jordan_mchele
The life and times of the FFA editor
If you're a loyal reader of the Kansan like I am, you know that most of the outside pages of the paper are only there to protect the delicate Free For All within, and you've probably texted the FFA at least once. I've even sent in a text (in an attempt to find a Poké-fangirl who's into wimpy writers), albeit one that was promptly shot down on the grounds that it "sounded too coherent" and "contained a properly-used semicolon."
But many people forget that there's an editor behind the FFA. And even though the FFA editor gets a few marriage proposals or offers for casual sex per semester, I don't think he gets all the respect he deserves for overseeing the most important foot-and-a-half of type in the Kansan. So I'm writing a novelization of his experiences as editor, and you loyal readers who haven't yet moved on to the real star of the opinion page get a sneak peek:
Suddenly, a whole bunch of them came screaming around the corner, sirens blaring. The fuzz. As they pushed out of their cars and clustered around me, I felt more stifled than the Potter Lake whale stuck in the campus plumbing. I figured the only thing I could do was play dumb, so I whipped out my phone.
"Name?" one of the coppers grunted.
"Editor. Fred Forrest Ambrose Editor... or FFA to my friends." I glanced down at my phone and chortled, "Look athat. 'Squirrels attacked my girlfriend's pumpkin'-can you believe that?" I held it up for the boys in blue to see, and they looked at me like youd look at a guy dressed as Slenderman on stilts.
"You know why we're having this little meeting, Editor?"
As I kept laughing, the frustrated fuzz filed back into their cars and drove off. "The squirrels came for our pumpkins; will they come for our newspapers next? Ron Paul 2012!" Think that one's a little too far off-base..."
"Squirrels came back and finished my pumpkin off! That's rich, ain't it, coppers?"
***
"But you got to print it, Mister Editor! I'll be ruined if you don't!" the dame shouted. She had a right to be distressed; it was the day before Halloween, and she was wearing a Karal Palin mask and a little red dress with a neckline so low you could called it a waistline.
"Sorry, maam," I slurred back between sips from my hip flask, "but I'm in the business of 160-character replies. This rant about 'slutty costumes' would barely fit in the space of three tweets, and it would make me unfollow you, to boot."
"You don't understand how hard it is to go to a party as a Sexy Former Governor of Alaska and not get laughed out of the building! If you don't print it, I won't make it through the night with my dignity!"
The dame was hysterical, and I knew the only way to shut her up was to give in. "Listen, the dignity's a lost cause, but if you'll cut out the last three sentences and add in a marriage proposal, it's a done deal."
SCHMIDT HAPPENS
"Ive seen a lotta strange messages come across that desk in my time," I muttered to myself, "but I ain't never seen one like this. 'Okay, ladies, listen up. At least one of you is a single, sober Pokéfanatic who likes to cuddle with humor columnists; come find me, stat?" The guy's a nutcase."
But before I could say another word, I saw the squirrel hurting across the room. The last thing I can remember before I blanked out was an acorn hitting me right between the eyes.
May is a sophomore majoring in German and journalism from Derby.
By Marshall Schmidt
LAWRENCE
A look at the local bar scene
The Lawrence bar scene offers a variety of entertaining establishments to the nightlife masses. If you prefer trendy joints with loud music and dancing, look no further than Abe and Jake's Landing. For those seeking a diverse selection of draft beer, Free State Brewing Co. is a more than viable option. The Hawk and the Wheel have become ritual drinking grounds for the younger University crowd, and it's become common knowledge that dollar night at the Hawk can make or break any student's semester.
There's nothing more frustrating to me than attempting to shoot a crucial billiards shot in a crowded bar. I'm sure that comes off as petty, but it's true. When I head to Rick's Place, I know that my mild form of claustrophobia won't be an issue. Rick's has been my go-to social hangout ever since I returned to the University two
But what about the other bars around this fine city that are never talked about? A night out at a "hole-in-the-wall" drinking establishment has become a lost art in the fast-paced socializing world of today, and it's about time we slowed things down just a bit.
years ago. Located at ninth and Illinois streets, Rick's has more than enough interior space to compliment a less-than impressive crowd size. Billiard tables, shuffleboard, darts, heck, even a homemade popcorn machine is on tap. The music never gets too loud because the owner, Rick, usually wants to watch a baseball game or watch the news. It's the little things that Rick's provides that keeps me coming back for more.
I know what a lot of you are saying, "why would I go to a hole-in-the-wall bar when I could hang out with more people at a more popular bar?" And honestly, I don't really have a legitimate answer. I have my preferences for going out and I respect everyone else's as well. My point, and the whole point of this column really, is that a hole-in-the-wall joint provides a comfortable escape
from our academically-demanding lives in ways that The Cave and Quinton's cannot. Conversations with friends can be better heard, comfortable space is in abundance, and there's a vibe that seems to echo, "chill out, bro" to the drunken folk who grace us with their loud and boisterous presences every so often.
Either way, Lawrence is providing us with a plethora of pleasant beer-drinking establishments, and we should all be grateful for it. If you want to hit up The Hawk on a Wednesday night and stay past 2 a.m. — turning you into a lumbering human corpse stumbling down Ohio street, or as my brother and I label them, "walkers"—then by all means party on. College is supposed to be about personal freedom and experiences, and lord knows I've been a "walker" more times than I'd care to disclose. Just don't forget about the Rick's of the world, because they still have plenty to offer in the realm of modern drinking establishments. Here's to safe drinking wherever you decide to venture.
Rogue is a senior majoring in journalism from Overland Park. Follow him on Twitter @rouque4
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THE EDITORIAL BOARD
THE EDITORIAL BOARD
Members of the Kansan Editorial Board are Ian Cummings
Vikas Shanker, Dylan Lysen, Ross Newton and Elise
Farrington.