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THE UNIVERSITY DARY GANSAN
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2012
PACKS,
& DEEP
ITEMS
My TOMS smell because I have a knack for wearing them on days the rain decides to finally come.
$5 worth of quarters for laundry?
I feel like Harry Potter with my
Gringotts Gold.
As the guys get hotter... I get stupid..
Text your FFA submissions to 785-289-8351 or at kansan.com
I don't understand how people can get into college but they can't flush a toilet... Makes me regret moving back into the dorms.
Taking notes on alcoholism while drinking a beer.
I'm not slurring my words, I'm speaking in cursive.
Why does this girl always smell like corn flakes?
Befriending the people at Hash one stoop-kid at a time.
Yup, I was right. A fat offensive coordinator wouldn't help our defense. Apparently he didn't help our offense either.
This isn't K-State. Don't be chewing and spitting tobacco at the football games.
Annnnd basketball season just started for me.
When your boyfriend only kisses you because he is being territorial.
Anyone know the countdown to the first basketball game?
Good news, only 34 days until Late Night at the Phog.
A THREAT TO AMERICA
If she doesn't know who Mr. Feeny is, she's too young for you, brn
Dear parents, kids do not belong in the student section.
If we're not friends, you can't call me by a nickname. You just can't.
Freedom, as we know it,
is in grave danger. Even worse - you can see it on our campus.
Follow walking guidelines to prevent communism
If I was a callous, spineless villain, I'd tell you that the last two months before the presidential election are my favorite months of the year. Every four years, we get that wonderful chance to passively insult each other's personal beliefs, shamelessly pointing our fingers and making the all-too-important choice of which crooked politician we trust to take the helm. Aside from "he's a socialist," and "he's a heartless billionaire," one of the more popular slurs being tossed around this election cycle regards who or what is "killing the American dream." Right-wingers will argue that universal healthcare is to blame, and left-wingers will say overly-gluttonous business ventures are killing it off.
The concept of the American dream is much more than that, though. There are a slew of threats to America that fly under our collective radar each day. Thankfully, society does a pretty good job of putting a stop to them (as evident with the recent cancellation of future "Jersey Shore" seasons). But even in a quaint, civilized town such as Lawrence, there's a surprising amount of people who display certain behaviors that raise red flags and scream, "I'm a fascist!"
Drunk, I am a womanizer. Sober,
I don't talk to women. God, please
explain this. Thank you.
There's no reason for my actions, but when I see a defenseless squirrel on campus, I am required to chase it up the nearest tree.
Easy example: slow walkers.
Early example
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who defines the American dream as, "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Life, liberty and happiness are the key words in that statement, but we've unfortunately overlooked "pursuit". When I'm stuck behind a gaggle of slow-peddlings morons,
not only am I unable to pursue life or liberty, I can't pursue anything. The problem is only compounded on sidewalks in between classes. There's usually a steady flow of students walking by on the left, leaving about six feet of wiggle room on the right side. When four or five people clog up that already narrow corridor, the sorry souls behind them are left with one option: high-tail it through the grass or through the street. Try "pursuing" your constitutional right to life as you
get bulldozed by the Park and Ride bus.
to indoctrinate the masses and overthrow the government. Then, we'll all be communists.
Other times, you don't have the choice of risking your life to slip past the slowpokes; particularly on stairs. This leaves you with no other option than to adapt their sloth-like saunter and quietly pray for lightning to strike three feet in front of you. Since that almost never happens, you turn pissed off and get in a horrible mood. Later, in your philosophy discussion, you'll get irritated and you'll start to argue against everything everyone says. You'll say, "you know what? Karl Marx was right," just because you all-of-a-sudden hate everyone and want to push their buttons. You'll have argued it enough that you start to believe it, and you'll start to wish we were all communists. You'll start hanging out with other like-minded idiots with whom you'll band together to devise a plan
I know I just blew that completely out of proportion, but without ample room or a "fast lane" to walk in, it could happen. A communist overthrow is one of the least likely scenarios that could stem from slow walkers, but the more realistic possibilities are just as frightening. Luckily, it's a simple fix: start walking at a normal, brisk pace or you'll be at risk of sending our country spiraling downward into the black hell of communism. If you love your country, it shouldn't be a difficult choice.
Girls, please stop wearing running shorts and cowboy boots. It's not a good look
And the post-game awkward sunburns have arrived.
Barbosa is a junior majoring in journalism from Leawood. For more hilarity, follow him on Twitter @AJBARBROSA.
Don't be afraid to fail; take chances, build your resume
INSPIRATION
W whenever someone tells me "no" I think to myself, "we'll see about that."
I believe that for everyone that tells you "no," there is someone out there willing to say "yes." And that's all you need, that one person to give you a chance. It has nothing to do with being arrogant or conceited, but if someone is willing to put in the time and effort, there should be no reason why a person should not be given an opportunity.
Some of the most successful people's ideas are turned away, doors slammed and dreams temporarily shattered before someone gives them a shot. Walt Disney, Thomas Edison, Dr. Seuss, J.K. Rowling, George Foreman and Mark Cuban are just a few successful people that were once told "no"
If those people had not pushed through with determination to see more than what others saw, we would not have Disneyland, "Green Eggs and Ham" or light bulbs, to name a few things that are a part of our culture and lives.
There comes a point in everyone's life when something happens that knocks you down, but college is the perfect place to experience the ups and
I'm a Chiefs fan, but I still want Gonzalez to score. Just so he can do his goal post jump shot.
downs of life before we graduate. If you are willing to put in the time and effort, there is no valid reason for anyone to turn you away. I can recall having a teacher doubt my writing abilities or hearing from friends how hard it would be to land an internship. But I never let those negative comments change my ultimate goal. I knew if I wanted to get better at writing, I had to practice and write in as many publications as I could. If I wanted to intern, I needed to have a resume that stood out because, let's face it, we're in school for a reason: to land our ultimate job.
The unemployment rate in Kansas rose between June to July, leaving 10 million people without jobs. The competition is so brutal that college graduates are willing to take unpaid internships in hopes that it will land them a full-time job. That's when you realize that
all these pieces of the puzzle begin to come together. The successful people are the ones that have confidence in their abilities, willing to always improve, and thinking ahead to the future.
Now is the time while were in college to bulk up those resumes, think about our future careers and what it's going to take to get there, have the confidence and will power to see things through and let obstacles be a challenge we gladly accept.
I am sure that Walt Disney didn't just wake up and try to build the "Happiest Place on Earth" in one day, but he knew it took preparation and patience to get to his ultimate goal.
As a senior, I am hopeful for a successful future but it hasn't come easy. Then I tell myself that if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. If you're reading this as a college student, then you're almost there, so stay on track. Don't take "no" as a final answer, and if you ever find yourself discouraged again, remember that success isn't permanent but neither is failure.
Montano is a senior majoring in journalism from Topeka. Follow him on Twitter @ MikeMontanoME.
CAMPUS CHIRPS BACK
How do you feel about KU football today?
Follow us on Twitter @UKD_Opinion. Tweet us you opinions, and we just might publish them.
@UDK_Opinion :(
At least they can tweet, and I know who's who.
@MelanieRR
@thinmints420
@UDK_Opinion It made the Chiefs look
AMAZING
©UBK_Opinion Looking like it will be another bleak season. We may not win another game...
@msnygaard
HOW TO SUBMIT A LETTER TO THE EDITOR
Send letters to kansanopdesk@gmail.com.
Write LETTER TO THE EDITOR in the e-mail subject line.
LETTER GUIDELINES
**Length:** 300 words
The submission should include the author's name, grade and hometown. Find our full letter from the online paper online at canm.com/letters.
Ian Cummings, editor
editor@drianlan.com
Vikaas Shanker, managing editor
vshanker@drianlan.com
Dylan Lyen, opinion editor
dyssen@drianlan.com
Ian Cummings, editor editor@kansan.com
*Ross Newton*, business manager
*newton@kansan.com*
EQUALITY
"Gay marriage" is an incorrect term
Elise Farrington, sales manager efarrington@kansan.com
It's not news that college students have a tendency.
It's not news that college students have a tendency to use language incorrectly, improperly or just kind of stupidly (that's how half of all hashtags are invented). Particularly, there's an inclination to use language that implies a meaning very different from what the speaker actually intends.
There are plenty examples of this that really irk the English major within me who sometimes just wants to take a red pen to the world: using irony as a synonym for coincidence, claiming a test is going to "literally" kill you when, if this was true, I'd be really concerned for the kind of classes you're paying for and the fact that 75 percent of all the people I know apparently missed first grade grammar as they still use "there," "their" and "they're" interchangeably.
All these misuses of language are the equivalent of nails against a chalkboard for me—a chalkboard that murders all I hold dear in the world. Yet the type of misuse of language that not only irks, but concerns me. A misuse I hear frequently on campus, even from the mouths of intelligent, sensitive, totally-paid-attention-in-first-grade people.
When people say "gay marriage" instead of "marriage equality."
See, when someone says they're "for gay marriage," I get that they mean marriage equality. I get that they support the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, and Questioning, or LGBTQ community. I get they want people to be free to do what they want, legitimate love, rainbows on wedding cakes—the whole progressive, beautiful shebang. I know they're probably someone who either, one, cares about equality for humankind or two, thinks it's none of their damn business who somebody wants to spend the rest of their life with. Either way, they're on the right track.
But saying "gay marriage" rather than "marriage equality" excludes and erases the identities of a whole lot of people.
Maybe you're asking yourself,
"but whatever could be wrong
with saying you're 'for gay marriage?'
What's the difference between 'marriage equality' and 'gay marriage' anyway—they're the same thing right?"
Except no. They're not.
Except no. They're not.
Say you have two women,
both of who identify as lesbians.
They meet each other, bond over KU basketball, "Doctor Who," and their mutual adoration of pugs. They fall in love and decide to get married. I'm going to be optimistic for theirs' and our theoretical future and say they are legally allowed to get married wherever they are. They both identify as gay. They could be said to have a "gay" marriage.
Now let's take this same fictional couple and have everything about them and their relationship stay exactly the same except for one thing: one of them identifies as bisexual. Our bisexual lady in question is still in love with a lady. She still totally wants to marry this lady. She does marry this lady. These are two ladies, married, completely in love, and so freaking cute that sometimes people just stop and think, "what a cute gay couple-yay for gay marriage!"
You want to be for gay marriage? Sweet, me too. But please don't ignore trans marriage, bisexual marriage, pansexual marriage, or any kind of marriage along the way.
There are plenty of people who are not legally able to access marriage in the United States who do not identify as gay. After all, there's more to LGBTQ than the L and the G. The B and the T and the Q, and all those identities that aren't even encompassed by a catchy little umbrella acronym? They still exist, and they're still valid, and some of those people want to get married too.
Gywyn is a sophomore majoring in English and women, gender, and sexuality from Olathe. Follow her on twitter @ AlidiosGywyn.
"The term 'gay marriage' makes identities beyond 'gay' invisible. 'Marriage equality' acknowledges those various identities, but also would expand the political efficacy of the movement and include, for example, people who don't have citizenship, trans individuals, bisexuals, polyamorous people, asexuals, and more." Liam Lair said, a graduate student in the Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies Department.
The thing is, one of these ladies is not gay—she's bi and her sexual orientation doesn't alter depending on the gender identity of the person she happens to date, sleep with, love or marry. Maybe she's okay with you calling her marriage gay. Maybe she's not. It's better not to presume because presuming usually means unintentional douchebag behavior, and act according to the latter.
Guess what you can say to communicate advocating for both these awesome fake couples' access to equal rights.
If you said "I'm for marriage equality," you probably aced first erade English, didn't you?
CONTACT US
Malcolm Gibson, general manager and news adviser mgibson@kansan.com
Jon Schlitt, sales and marketing adviser jshliit@kansan.com
THE EDITORIAL BOARD
Members of the Karen Anand Board are Ian Cummings
Vikas Shanker, Dylan Lysen, Ross Newton and Elise
Farrington.