Blue Christmas
How students cope when they can't go home for the holidays
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By Joe Bant, Jayplay writer
This holiday season marks two-and-a-half years since Gastón Araoz last saw his native Bolivia shrink beneath a layer of clouds as his jet liner roared back to the U.S.
clouds as his jet liner roared back to the U.S. That one blissful month he spent in his hometown of La Paz the summer after his freshman year is the only time Araoz has been home since leaving to attend the University of Kansas in fall 2001.
fall 2001. That’s roughly 39 months in America versus one month at home. Edging into the heart of December, it's also three consecutive Christmas holidays spent without his immediate family. You might think not going home for the holidays would just be an accepted part of life for someone who's seen so little of home over the last few years; but you'd be wrong.
you'd be wrong.
Araoz rattles off his family's holiday traditions like an old lady calling out her bingo card: his grandma's picana soup, with pork, veggies and grapes, opening presents at midnight, red underwear for good luck on New Year's Eve, yellow underwear for money—the list goes on.
money — the list goes on.
"Every time I didn't spend Christmas or New Year's with my family, I'd say 'this is the last time,'" Araoz says. "I was crazy to go back and see them."
us
Araoz isn't alone in his holiday woes. For varying reasons, many University students don't, or can't go home for winter break. International students often splurge on $1,000 plane tickets if they want the opportunity, and sometimes, ever students who live here in Kansas can't find a way back to their families. For many, it's a sad situation, but one that can be coped with in various ways. Mikel Trail spent his first Christmas away from home last year. The 22-year-old Lawrence resi attended University classes last fall, while working at Wilson's Leather at the Oak Park Mall in Over- land Park. Trail says he realized he'd be on his own for Christmas as soon as he saw that week's work schedule, which
called for him to do double duty the day before Christmas and the day after. Trail's family doesn't live that far away — about six hours northwest of Lawrence in Atwood — but with no time off surrounding Christmas Day, it was far enough to keep him in Lawrence. "It almost feels like you're being punished for working in retail," he says. So instead of
mom's pumpkin pie and opening presents by the Christmas tree, Trail got his gifts by mail and had a bare-bones celebration with a "pseudo-family" of friends who also been stranded by their jobs. Together they wolfed down the typical holiday fare of turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes, and Trail says it was fun, even if it wasn't exactly home. "It definitely helps," he says. "It doesn't completely fill the void."
helps," he says. "It doesn't completely fit in with Trail's actions are consistent with what most psychologists suggest if you find yourself alone for the holidays. Find people in the same boat as you, so at least that way you can be there together. "It's important to connect to people somehow," says Helen Weiser, director of Midtown Psychological Services in Kansas City, Mo. "If you don't have anyone to share it with, it can be a time of sadness and loneliness."
can be a time of sadness and loneliness.
Weiser says people should start preparing now if they're expecting a lonely holiday season, because now there's still time to do something about it. People can make arrangements with friends or co-workers or look into volunteering in the community, she says. The last place you want to be is in your apartment alone on New Years Eve, only then starting to wonder what you can do to not be by yourself.
wonder what you can do to not be by yourself.
Weiser emphasizes that there are many ways to make a holiday connection with people and to not feel alone, and not all of them involve in-person interactions with friends and family. Sometimes it can be as easy as slipping a greeting card into the mailbox or going door-to-door with some volunteer carolers, and places like nursing homes or orphanages always look for people to spend time with residents, Weiser says. The options are there if people take advantage of them.
For international students, in particular, organizations across the country place foreign students with American host families for the holidays. Carol Dias da Silva, program coordinator for the University's international student services, says she recommends students to Christmas International House if they want to take part in such a program.
if they want to take part in such a project.
For his part, Arazov has had eventful holidays, even if they weren't spent at his home in La Paz. His freshman year he and a friend booked a Greyhound bus to San Francisco, and he spent some 40-plus hours chugging across the western half of the country in a cramped, claustrophobic bus. Though it wasn't the best road trip then — "We couldn't feel our butt," he says, remembering how they felt when they finally reached the bayside city — he smiles about it wistfully now.
the bayside city—he smiles about it wisely. In the last two years, Araoz has hooked up with relatives in Washington, D.C. Although, after his experience with the Greyhound "jungle," he's gone by air rather than bus. Even airfare to the capitol is significantly cheaper than what it would cost for plane tickets to La Paz, he says.
would cost for plane tickets to LA Paz, he says. And this year? Well, this year, Araoz is finally making good on his promise of no more Christmases away from home. After three straight, he and his little brother are finally headed back to beautiful Bolivia. "I cannot describe how excited I am," he says.
Illustration by Austin Gilmore
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Brian Wacker
He said she said "How do I look in this?"
"How do I look in this?" is a question that women inevitably ask at some point or another if not on a regular basis, and a question that men dread. With this question,
thoughts run wild as one begins to question his self if the honest answer is the best answer or if a little white ile would be the best bet of the two options. "I think to myself 'Oh crap.' Where is this going? when I hear this. There is no right answer. It's best to err on the side of Good comment," says Jordan Smith, St. Joseph senior. Of course everyone wants to hear compliments but sometimes homely is needed. Elizabeth Blasco, Mission senior, says there is a certain way approach this question. "Honesty is fine but the way I would receive
the information best is if it was put to me in a suggestive manner," Blasco says. She suggests that men should respond to this question with something along the lines of "I would really like to see you in some red, or I think you would look best in a longer skirt." Either way, men beware when you hear this question come your way. Sometimes honesty isn't the best pole but a flattering remark that contains slight honesty in it can take you a long way.
— Jayme Wiley
12. 9.04 Jayplay
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