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Although he loves being in a fraternity, he says sometimes it's hard to be around people who don't share his values. He says the hardest thing about his living situation is when he hears the guys talking about girls. "A lot of the times guys will be talking about the chick they got with last night — the morning after — who they're gonna hook up with tonight. I'm not about
that, that's not me. Sometimes it's hard to abstain from that, but it's not who I am."
Winkelman has similar feelings about her most difficult times virgin. She shlys says the hardest time for her to
"FOR ME, PHYSICAL LOVE IS NOT THE MAIN FOCUS OF THE DATING RELATIONSHIP."—RYAN NORTHUP, NORMAN, OKLA. FRESHMAN
maintain her strong convictions is when her friends are talking about their sex lives and she can't actively participate in conversation.
Winkelman says that how far she would go sexually would depend on what kind of relationship she's in and how well she knows the person she was with.
According to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study, the number of sexually active students greatly increases as they continue through college. The study says that by the time students graduate, 86 percent will have had at least one
sexual partner.
Northup says that because people don't consider oral sex to be sex, neither does he. But he does have some qualms from his past and adds, "I have done some things that I personally regret. For me, physical love is not the main focus of the dating relationship."
Lerner, says that about one-third of students are virgins like Northup and Winkelman when they come to college, but many aren't when they leave. Lerner also adds that, unlike Northup and Winkelman, a large number of students don't remain virgins by choice. She says some may not have partners and wish they did. Lerner
Although Northup or Winkelman don't plan on having intercourse until they've walked down the aisle, it doesn't mean they aren't doing other physical things. Both define sex simply as intercourse.
does, however, see a lot of students who remain virgins by choice for religious reasons. She adds that students sometimes feel pressure to have sex because they feel that everyone else is
doing it.
To many sexually active college students, virginity is seen as taboo. People often stereotype virgins as religious fanatics or losers who can't get laid. In a survey conducted at Behrend College, at Pennsylvania State University, students associate virgins with words such as, bashful, quiet, shy and withdrawn.
Hannah, Wichita senior, is not a virgin and says that in her experience, virgins are either extremely devoted to their religious beliefs or they haven't had the opportunity to have sex — accidental virgins. She says she thinks it would be weird to date a guy who is still a virgin, but adds she has no problem having sex with one. In fact, she says, "I have Twice."
Northup says he is always on the market and looks forward to dating at the University. His idea of a perfect date is taking a girl on a picnic and then dancing in the moonlight to Frank Sinatra. Northup isn't shunning sex; he says he can't wait until the day it happens. "Trust me, sex is a very good thing," he says.
Illustrations by Scott Drummond
12.2.04 Jayplay
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