By Jennifer Voldness, Jayplay writer
Students who just say no to sex
When Ryan Northup walks into the coffee shop where we've agreed to meet, the dark-haired, animated freshman smiles often and has an easy-going quality that makes me instantly comfortable with him. He talks with such candor and self-assurance about his decision not to have sex until marriage, I almost forget he is only 18 years old. He's a virgin, and he's not shy talking about his choice and the stigmas associated with being a college virgin.
Northup, Norman, Okla., freshman, is not alone in his sex-free lifestyle. According to a 2000 survey done by Playboy magazine, there has been a rise among the number of virgins and people in monogamous relationships in college. More than 2,000 students from public and private colleges in California, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Louisiana, Oklahoma and Mississippi participated in the survey. The men polled said they were still virgins because they hadn't found the right person, whereas women said they were waiting until marriage to have sex.
A study conducted in 2000 by Zogby International, a polling group commissioned by the Foundation for Academic Standards, an organization of college, university and high school students, asked students whether they were sexually active. Only 56 percent responded that they were.
The reasons people have for waiting are as different as the people themselves. Megan Winkelman, Wichita junior, is remaining a virgin until marriage. The wide-eyed brunette tucks her hair behind her ear often, the only sign the self-assured business student gives that she is nervous. She says her choice to remain abstinent comes from the strong values instilled by her parents. College can be a tough environment for some people to stick to their convictions, she says, but she doesn't let
anyone's views affect her. Winkelman also says that staying a virgin hasn't been as difficult for her as it probably is for others because she hasn't been in a serious relationship since her freshman year. She has been in one serious relationship in her life, but says that her convictions are so strong sex was never a temptation for her.
Northup says his decision to abstain comes from his Christian beliefs. He is a Baptist — but says he is not a religious zealot. His faith is important, but it's not everything. "A lot of people think Christians see sex as a totally bad thing you're going to hell for," he says, "but ... sex is a thing to complement marriage and make it stronger."
Billie Lerner, sex therapist with the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists in Overland Park, says there are clear advantages not to have sex. One advantage is that the lack of experience can be a positive thing. She says sexual boredom is rarely an issue with people who abstained from sex for a long period of time. Lerner says that a lot of times students choose to have sex to feel an emotional attachment to another person, but afterward can feel guilty and unfulfilled.
Faye Heller, registered nurse and sex expert for Heartland Clinical Consultants in Topeka, says people usually have a regretful reaction to having sex if negative consequences such as pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease plays a role.
Lerner adds that there can be negatives to waiting, although they are rare. She says that lack of sexual experience can cause marriages to struggle. Possibly the biggest deterrents students usually face in deciding to abstain from sex comes from their peers.
Northup is a member of Theta Chi fraternity and fits in well with the other guys in the house.
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