Wescoe wit
[Oh, you guys say some of the darndest things.]
Not to make you all scared, but we’re eavesdropping on your conversations. Yes, we hear everything. And then we print it. But don’t worry if you say something stupid, we won't identify you — unless you owe us money or beer.
Girl:" Girl, you need to take a shower!"
Girl 2: "Like, seriously, I know I do. Do I smell that bad?"
Girl:"Well, yeah! You smell like sex. Bad sex."
Girl 2: "That's it, I'm not going to class like this."
Guy on phones "Pete? This isn't Pete is it? This is a girl."
Guy on phones: "Sorry, lady, I don't speak Spanish. This must be the wrong number."
(Loud, unrecognizable voice on other end)
Guy on phone: "Yo no hablo español. Adios lady." (Speaking to me) "That was uncomfortable."
Girl: "What did you go as for Halloween?"
Guy: "Ed the Wonderdog." Girl: "I don't get it."
**Guy:** "Neither did anyone else. It was basically just a dog mask"
**Girl:** "Huh?"
Erik Johnson
5ive questions
One KU "famous," one KU not (yet) famous
Dennis Dailey, professor of human sexuality
Esther Adany
Overland Park,
freshman
1. What's your favorite part about being at KU?
Dailey: I really enjoy the constant presence of curiosity and inquiry. I love the youthful spirit that is always present. Hanging with students as they search and grow is one of my favorite things. And this is without a doubt one of the most beautiful campuses in America. Adany: Living in Lawrence. I have a lot of friends here.
2. In approximately ten words or less, what do you think about reality TV?
Adany: I despise it. I never watch it.
Dailey:It ain't real.
3. Have you ever tried to get away with picking your nose in a public place? If so, when?
Dailey: Yep! Just ask my partner. She would tell you, "More often than I really want to discuss."
Dailey: Old Laurel and Hardy, and Charlie Chaplin flucks.
4. What's your favorite black and white movie?
*Adany:* I can't think of a specific instance, but I'm sure I have before.
Adany: I think it's called The Cabinet of Dr. Calagari. It's this 1920s silent film. It's extremely bizarre.
5. If you had to choose, would you rather have a mullet or a combover?
Dailay: A mullet, if I had to choose between the two. I'd probably rather just shave my head.
Adany: A mullet. You can cut off a mullet once the joke wears off. But with a comb-over you're just screwed.
Samia Khan
By Jessi Crowder and Chris Tackett
[I'm really hungry.]
I saw a hot black girl at a bar, but couldn't get the courage to approach her. I grew up in a white part of town and never had any black friends. Is there etiquette a white guy should obey when approaching a black girl? How do I find out if she dates white guys?
-Luke, freshman
Chris: I am not sure about any etiquette, and if anyone does, send it my way at bitch@kansan.com. Luke, when you hit on a redhead, do you think "I wonder if she dates blondes?" If so, you're an idiot. Sure, race is WAY too big of an issue in our society, but a hot black woman isn't going to bite you for saying "hey." She may not be in to you, but don't assume it's because you're white.
Jessi: Treat the woman as you would any other—like a princess. And approach her regardless of skin color. How would you feel if the situation were switched? Even if she doesn't go for you, you'll give her a confidence boost, and you won't regret missing the opportunity.
I've always thought I'd meet my future husband while at college, but I'm a man-less, fifth-year senior graduating in December and it's way depressing. I'm moving to a giant city when I graduate and I'm scared I'll never meet anyone. Am I overreacting?
Julie, fifth-year senior
Chris: Thanks for the wake-up call, jerk. I'm in the same boat you are, except my boat is for seniors graduating in May who happen to be glad they aren't married. But I'm moving to a big city to work or panhandle, too. Chances are good there will be loads of young grads like us walkin' the streets looking for some lovin' in the same big city you'll be in! SCORE! But while you're still at KU, toss your marriage plans in the back seat and enjoy yourself. (i.e., get laid)
Jessi: What's your hurry, Julie? Did you come to KU for an education or a man on your arm? If I were you, I'd be content with the fact that you're a woman who will soon have a degree. Besides, divorce rates are sky high, so why not finish up your education and become financially independent? You'll negate your chances of becoming another divorce statistic.
Every time my boyfriend and I have sex, I want to cuddle afterward, but he just wants to eat. How can we work this out so I don't feel abandoned?
-Sue, senior
Jessi: Some people want sleep post-sex, some want hair-petting and chest-stroking. Others want an all-night restaurant. So, why not incorporate food into the bedroom? That way you can extend your love-making session another round and kink it up a level with whatever he's chowing down on. Oh, and trust me: Gumby's pizza grease leaves red marks.
Chris: This is too lame for me to answer.
Got a burning question? E-mail us at bitch@kansan.com.
11.11.04 Jayplay
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