It's Friday night and Brooke has a date with her boyfriend, Marcus. Brooke wants to go to dinner and a movie. She gets ready and waits for Marcus to pick her up from her apartment. As she waits, she ponders what
she works as a coach and decides she wants pasta and a romantic atmosphere. She and Marcus head for the nearest Olive Garden and enter hand in hand. Marcus tells the hostess he wants a
acceptable. The poll shows 70 percent of whites now say they approve of marriage between whites and blacks and 66 percent of white respondents say they would not object to a family member marrying outside of his or her race.
"RACE WAS NEVER AN ISSUE FOR US,
BUT FOR HIS FAMILY, IT WAS A HUGE
PROBLEM. THE FIRST TIME I MET HIS FAM-
ILY, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF 'CRAP! WHAT
HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO?"
MITCHELL VANDOREN,
JAMAICA JUNIOR
table for two, and after a short wait, they are seated. As Brooke looks over the menu, she feels someone staring at her. She slightly turns her head to find an elderly couple sitting at the booth to her right. Their eyes are honing in on Brooke and her boyfriend with a disapproving look. The elderly woman's corners of the mouth are turned down and her nose crinkles as her head slowly shakes back and forth. Brooke tries to ignore the looks of disgust coming her way, but it is difficult when she doesn't understand why her dinner date should cause such a reaction. What has she done wrong? She's having dinner with someone she loves.
But he's black and she's white, and some people just don't approve of that.
Additionally, 80 percent of blacks and 77 percent of Hispanics say they approve interracial marriage. Brooke, Overland Park senior, who prefers to have her last name withheld, joined the growing population of interracial daters when she was 17 and has only dated black men since then. She says she dated white guys before that. In fact, Brooke considered herself to be the typical cheerleader prep who never thought about dating outside of her race. She says when she was 17 she began hanging out with a new crowd of people, and most of them just happened to be black. She says she never thought of her friends as being different from her.
"It wasn't a choice in the beginning so much as being introduced to a completely different crowd," Brooke says. "I simply got along with them because they were fun and because of similar interests like lifestyles, culture, music, speech, et cetera."
Because she shared these common interests, decisions on dating were made from there. Most of us make decisions on whom to date based on appearance and personality commonities, Brooke says. Brooke says the
difficulties in her relationships stemmed not from the relationships themselves,but from the bias and opinions of others.
Brooke says when she first started to date black men, she was unsure what her family's reaction would be. Brooke has been solely dating black men for
about four years now, and her father is still not OK with Brooke's decision. Brooke contemplates whether to incorporate Marcus into her family life when it comes to her father. Brooke says her mother is fine with her relationships as long as Brooke is fine; Brooke's happiness is the most important thing in her mother's eves. Brooke is not the only one who has experienced relationship hardships with family members.
"My husband is white, and we met in Jamaica while he was visiting there," says Mitchell VanDoren, Jamaica junior. "Race was never an issue for us, but for his family, it was a huge problem. The first time I met his family, I thought to myself 'Crap! What have you gotten yourself into?"
VanDoren says her and her husband's earliest marital problems resulted from issues with his family. Her husband's family warned him about the struggles he would face marrying a woman outside his race. They also worried about the welfare of the children the couple may someday have and where the kids would fit in a society that can be cruel and judgmental. VanDoren says she never understood this, because in her eyes, she is not black and he is not white. They are simply husband and wife.
VanDoren realizes the harshness of a world that does see people by color. "I do understand people's point of view," she says. "I can't say only ignorant people think this way because everyone in my husband's family is very smart, educated."
She knows her union with a white man may cause more hardships, but her theory is that we all live in a world of variety and always have. She says people should deal with it because this will never change. Apparently, VanDoren's in-laws have dealt with the matter and now embrace her as a part of their family. Vandoren says she enters her mother-in-law's home to find pictures of herself and her husband on the mantel in front of the door. She says this never would have happened in the beginning.
Another interracial relationship study listed on www.about.com shows interracial marriages now account for close to 1.5 million of the marriages in the United States. According to the study, this means they are doubling
every decade. The study also found that "forty percent of Americans had dated someone of another race." With numbers showing that interracial couples are on the rise, some may want to know why these relationships are occurring and what leads one to date outside of his or her race. Kerry Carlon,
Mulvane senior, says she never dated outside of her race but would like to. Carlson is Korean and her family is white. She was adopted as a baby, so living with a white family is all she has known.
"I prefer white guys to Asian men," Carlon says. "I find them more attractive and I feel that I might relate better to someone who is white over Asian because of my family background. I grew up with two
white brothers, and culturally, I understand white better than Asian."
Even though numbers show more people are accepting others' decisions to date outside their races, some still say they never would consider doing so. Constance Washington, Wichita senior, and Crystal Gentry, Kansas City, Mo., senior, both say dating outside their race is not an option, although neither one sees a problem with others doing so.
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"I don't think I will ever date anyone that is not black," Washington says. "I am more attracted to African-Americans. I just think another black person would be more sympathetic to my needs, wants and desires."
Gentry agrees with Washington's point of view. The only difference is she has dated interracially and says she couldn't knock it until she tried it for herself. She also says she still notices interracial couples, but the couples don't jump out at her, and she doesn't see it as a problem. She says it's common and acceptable, just not for her.
Brooke says to an extent she thinks stereotypes and racism will always exist. Despite this factor, she wants people to see her for who she is, not who she dates.
"My biggest challenge within society is knowing that so many people are against my decisions on who to spend my life with," Brooke says. She also says people's insecurities may get to her for a certain amount of time, but she isn't going to let that influence or control her love life. In the end, she will be with whoever makes her happy — regardless of race.
Photos by Joshua Kendall