For every ending there's a new beginning
Divorce doesn't have to be devastating
Photo by Joshua Kendall
By Jayme Wiley, Jayplay writer
"Your father and I need to talk to you about a decision we've made and it's nothing that is your fault." This was my mother's way of easing me into a conversation that would end with the word divorce. More than 50 percent of children will have this conversation with their parents at some point in time.
ents at some point here.
I was 6 years old and my sister, Jordan,
was three when my parents decided that
their run at marriage was over.
their run-in marriage was Research shows that divorce is becoming more common among parents with young children and children become second to the needs of the parents to get away from one another. Additionally, research shows that kids aren't reacting the same way to the news of their parent's separation as they used to.
separation as they used to "I was fine with my parent's divorce," says Janice Walje, Overland Park senior. "For us [my siblings and I], their divorce was the best thing that ever happened. These people were a heck of a lot happier away from one another. I never understood why people considered divorce a bad thing."
edding.
Walje's parents were married for 18
years and finalized the divorce when she was seven. Walje says that her situation is different from most. Her parents didn't make a clean break after the divorce; instead, they decided to continue living together for the sake of their kids. Her parents lived together for five years following their divorce in hopes of saving money to provide for their children, as well as to provide them with a stable home to live in.
home to live in.
Walje says that her parents made a selfish decision in this choice. She was subjected to constant arguing, which in the end was more traumatic than going between households.
Constance Ahrons, University of Southern California sociologist, conducted a study with grown children of broken homes and posted her findings on the Divorce Magazine's Web site. Ahrons site says that the majority of the children grew up to be stronger because of their parents divorce. Her findings showed that 78 percent of these kids reported that both they and their parents had lived better lives since the divorce.
It lives since the church "The truth is that while some divorces
result in family breakdown, the vast majority do not," writes Ahrons on her site. "While divorce changes the form of the family from one household to two from a nuclear family to a binuclear one-it does not need to change the way the children think and feel about the significant relationships in their families."
relationships in their families. While Walje witnessed signs that her parents weren't going to remain married, others were somewhat shocked when they received the news.
they received the news. Samantha Horner, Leawood senior, says that she doesn't remember there ever being any problems between her parents. She was six when they divorced and is glad that she was young when it happened. She looked at the divorce in a way that was beneficial at that age. Horner says that at that age she didn't realize the harshness of what a divorce involved. She just knew that now she would get two of everything for every holiday. Additionally, her father had a new girlfriend who had a daughter soon after the divorce and she was excited about the chance of gaining a stepsister. She was just another playal. In Horner's opinion, staying together
for the sake of the kids isn't a good idea.
for the sake of the kid's well-being. "Parents who decide to wait until the children grow up just have more problems," says Horner. "The children may feel guilt that both of their parents have been unhappy for so long. The only exception to this might be parents with a child that has severe problems in which the severity of the problems increase with the divorce."
the divorce.
Horner says that she is perfectly fine today and not experiencing any problems because of the divorce. Her parents are still civil with one another and both provide support to Horner in all that she does.
vide support to foster in a community.
My parents are divorced. Though I was bitter at age 6, I see now that their divorce was the best solution to an unhappy situation that might have hurt my sister and I more in the long run. My sister and I grew up fine despite the fact that we came from a broken home. Chances are that children will adapt to whatever environment they're in; and if that environment is a happy one, they will be happy too.
Be intimate with your partner is a delicate process. You don't want to do anything, voluntary or involuntary, that may hinder your journey to the Promised Land. One of the most important tasks getting it into the array hyena-like yelp and porn-star grooves you inadvertently let out. It can be so bad that the mood may be lost after a particular finger-wall on the chalkboard. Well worry you here. Here is a top-ten list of sexified songs you can put on the stereo to strenuously out those crazy noises and keep things on the right track.
8
Rock the Cradle of Love - Billy Idol
Justify My Love - Madonna
I Want You, I Need You, I Love You
Closer - Nine Inch Nails
Just Like Heaven - The Curse
I'm on Fire - Bruce Springsteen
Wicked Game - Wicked Games
Chris Isaak
I Touch Myself - The Divinyls
Let's Go in Marvin Gaye
Source: Jason Granger & Adam Bodendieck of The Current Online
Brian Whacker
we to the bathroom."
We've all been told a hundred times. (OK, I've been a hundred times.) The guy or girl you thought you were having a good conversation with at the bar stops you in mid-sentence and drops the bomb.
Rarely does this actually mean that his or her digestive system just kicked and decided to excrete the Taco Bell she had for dinner. According to Jeremy Antley, Lawrence senior, this is usually a last-resort tactic for desertion. "It's the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card. The bathroom a safe-haven for avoiding the unavoidable." Most likely, he or she is desperately trying to end the conversation and using the only fool-proof excuse in the books. Honestly, who is
gonna question your toilet schedule?
go.
There is really only one way to handle this. Move on. If the prospective mate you're talking to pulls this line on you, it's time to cut your losses. If by some grace of the divine she actually had to go pee, she will find you once she is empty and resume chatting. But chances are that she already moved on to another conversation. And you should too.
—Brian Whacker
Jayplay 09.30.04