4B
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
SEX ON THE HILL
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2004
Keep it PG-13 until after marriage
TUESDAY,
Various religions encourage different forms of courting
By KATE Moyer
correspondent@kansan.com
KANSA CORRESPONDENT
When Erik Fish, campus director of Victory Campus Ministries, hears the term "courtship," he thinks of a picture-perfect scene between a man and a woman. They sip lemonade on a porch swing after an ice cream social, take hold of each other's hands, and realize that they have found "The One."
Courting may seem old-fashioned to many, but to others, courtship is a way to find a life partner that is guided by religion, and various religions at that. There are versions of courting in denominations of Christian, Jewish and Islamic faiths.
Not quite.
of Christian, Jewish, and Muslim life.
Put simply, courtship is dating with a purpose. It is commitment before intimacy instead of intimacy before commitment. For a Christian couple, the goal is to get to know each other on a personal level and to seek God's will for marriage.
It's "dating with the intention of possi-
Put simply, courtship is dating with a purpose. It is commitment before intimacy instead of intimacy before commitment.
in the middle getting married. But it is not an engagement and stops short of becoming sexually active," said Fish. He and his wife, Jen, were friends for more than a year before they prayerfully decided to enter into a courtship. Fish said that this enabled them to get to know each other without becoming
romantically involved.
This may be an approach that people see as limited to fundamental Christianity. However, Fish stipulated that courting is not just helpful for a Christian relationship, but can be applied to anyone's love life, or lack thereof. He said that it helps people develop a friendship and assess if they want to get married. Courtship aids in separating a serious commitment from deep romantic feelings that sexual intimacy brings.
romantically involved.
It is also practiced in Catholicism, said Brian Donelson, director of the Marriage Preparation programs at the St. Lawrence Catholic Campus Center. The main focus in a relationship should be holiness and maturity instead of on courting, Donelson said.
"A couple should consider whether or not they will be able to bring each other love in life, to holiness," he said. Donelson said that a Catholic could date someone with a different religious background for the purpose of considering marriage, but they must consider this as an additional challenge in their future as a married couple.
a married couple.
Different religions have different views on how dating should be approached. For example, Jay Lewis, executive director of the KU Hillel Foundation, explained that in Judaism, there is a huge emphasis on family. Dating, he said, is a process of finding out if this is the right partner in building a strong Jewish family. So ideally, a Jew would only date other Jews. Realistically though, he said, every person you date is a lesson learned, and the mistakes you make in your relationships now are leading you closer to that person who compliments you perfectly – your "besheret". (Besheret is a Yiddish word and a Jewish belief meaning meant to be, or soul mate.)
to be, or soul mate?)
Those of the Islamic faith have a different outlook on the dating scene. Asma Rehman, Kansas City, Mo., senior and an active member of the Muslim Student Organization, explained that in Islam there really is no such thing as "dating." "Dating" is viewed as getting to know someone for the purpose of marriage. There is more of a public and family setting, which is different from traditional courtship. Parents are always involved and their advice is highly valued. The best principle in seeking a life partner, Rehman said, is to seek someone based on his religiousness. Although she is waiting to consider marriage until she finishes her education, Rehman will marry another Muslim when the time comes. One main teaching in Islam is that a premarital relationship of any kind between members of the opposite sex is forbidden.
It could be argued that most religious teachings put some value on the practice of courtship. It is such a widely misused and misunderstood term, yet an essential principle in many couples' relationships.
Erik and Jen Fish were friends for more than a year before deciding to court. This helped them develop a relationship without romantic or physical distractions.
John Tran/Kansan
Edited by Steve Vockrodt
Dear Captain RibMan,
I have been with this one guy for 5 1/2 months now and I love him very much he is everything to me and he makes me very happy. But about 3 months ago, I met this guy online and he is the sweetest thing ever and he makes me happy. I think I am beginning to fall in love with him and he is wanting me to choose only one guy. I don't know what to do. I'm confused and don't know what to do. I love them both and can only have one. Can you help me out with some ideas of what I could do to solve this problem?
Thanks
thanks,
--blondie17_2001us
Dear Blondie,
give me a request a lot. (I think it is a glitch in my darned mail program.) You have been with one guy for 5.5 months and online with another guy you’ve never made contact in 3 months. Why would you stick with the older, tired relationship if you have a chance to meet them? Remember, the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side of the fence—so jump over that fence! Go to theGreenergrass! The idiot who now is dead or grabs the new guy is plush Zyssia. Don't be a fool and stay on the dumb side of the fence.
Good luck!
Curtain RibMac
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