Playful Differences When Sexual Opposites Attract
new, the worst thing you could do is scare someone." Taking things slow seems to be the general consensus. Stoll is not currently in a relationship but has experienced problems in the bedroom during one-night stands. He doesn't consider himself kinky; he considers himself adventurous. In the past a guy was over at his place and
By Jayme Wiley, Jayplay writer
"Wanna do it?" These are the notorious words of your boyfriend to let you know that he's horny and ready to go. Of course, you want to know what needs he wants met, but this approach doesn't do it for you. You're a romantic. You need the sweet kisses, sweet words and a little bit of foreplay. Your boyfriend wants to go right into it and finish in as little time as possible. He's your definition of kinky. He talks dirty, uses toys and is a Kamasutra expert. The standard missionary position is all you need, and you say no thank you to extras. After all, you're not interested in making a porno flick.
porno flick.
The truth is that when the word "sex" is mentioned each of us conjures up different thoughts and images about what it means exactly. The question is: When sexual opposites attract and one is kinkier than the other, how do you make things work between the sheets?
make things work between the sheets?
Dennis Dailey, professor of human sexuality, says that communication and experimentation are the keys to a successful sex life if a partner is willing. Individuals desire certain things because of a sexual kick. "They don't want to experiment because they are wacky, perverted or kinky," Dailey says.
says.
Dailey says opposites are bound to attract. Couples usually start out based on sexual attraction and then begin to fall for other things. He says when strangers meet, they are very likely to end up in situations with humongous sexual differences for whatever reason. People come from different backgrounds and are exposed to different things at different times. Dailey says if you can handle being open to experimentation, then trying new things gradually can create great advances in the bedroom. This way you can find out if what your partner desires is actually your cup of tea and go from there.
go from there. "Start by taking things slow," says Dustin Stoll, Lawrence resident. "Things can be overwhelming if you rush it. When introducing something
siders himself savored past, a guy was over at his place and excited about the sex they were about to have. Stoll took handcuffs and ropes out of his closet with the intent to talk him through the process of bondage and see if he would be up for it. Stoll says the guy's face turned from smiles to a look of terror, and the whole idea turned him off. Needless to say, sex wasn't in the cards for them that night.
For some, sexual differences are a constant problem, and for others only occur every once in a while. Hannah Slagle, Lawrence resident, says she has sex with her current boyfriend every day and things couldn't be more perfect. Slagle considers herself to be kinky in the sense that she is willing to try anything once. Anai sex, toys and
dressing up are all part of the excitement for her. Usually, her partners don't contest what she wants, but this isn't always the case. In an old relationship, Slagle thought it would be fun to incorporate a little bit of role-playing into her and her boyfriend's sexual escapades for the evening. She wanted to be taken as if they had just met at a bar and for him to have his way with her. Slagle started biting her boyfriend in all of the excitement and doing so ticked him off. He wanted to stop right then and there and wasn't in a sexual mood anymore. Slagle says she figures they should have talked about it after the incident to figure out exactly what the problem was.
incident to figure out exactly what the problem was. So, perhaps sexual differences may draw some closer together with experimentation and playfulness, but sometimes, extremely kinky people may send their partner running for the hills with their anal beads. Each person needs to be up front at the beginning with his or her wants and desires and determine a compromise that can keep each person comfortable and guessing what the next move will be.
Test yourself to see if you and your heartthrob are meant to be. The 40-question quiz at www.lovetest.com will give you a definitive answer to your relationship questions. Combining your answers with the questions, a numerological formula and your zodiac sign, this Web site computes a compatibility percentage for you and your sweetie. This is
also a great resource if there is a certain honey who keeps turning you down, saying you two would never work well together. While you are at the site, be sure to check all of the other love-related links and resources including love song lyrics, horoscopes, personal ads and various translations of "I love you." — Brian Wacker
Lost in Translation
What you hear is not what they mean. Guys and girls alike send conflicting messages to each other that are always subject to interpretation. We hit Wescoe Beach to find out what KU students think.
What they say...
Girl: "No, it's OK. Watch the football game. I'll just see you later."
What they mean...
Vah Wahbeh, Chanhassen, Minn., freshman: "You better not watch. I'm pissed."
Hanluen Kuo, Olathe junior: "No Boogety-Boogety for you tonight, you dick."
What they say...
Guy: "I'd love to go with you, but I have a study group."
What they mean...
What they need:
Wahbeh: "I gotta go study these beers with my friends and watch the game."
Kuo: "The Broncos are playing the Chiefs in my season of Madden this week, and I need to go study my defensive formations."
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Brian Wacker
Jayplay 9.9.04