Section A · Page 8
The University Daily Kansan
Thursday, October 28. 1999
Students fear brothers,sisters will become enemies
Continued from page 1A
Some pledges say they feel trapped, that leaving is a frightening option. Those who do leave say their "brothers and sisters" can, and do, turn on them, leaving them with 60 enemies where they once had 60 friends.
"It's kind of like getting away from the Mafia," one former pledge said.
Of course, not every depleding is traumatic, but Greek leaders say soridity and fraternity members are beginning to realize that the organizations must change to keep their members and, however slow, change is coming.
Williams lost a lot of friends after he left, and that used to bother him.
"I'm sure it would make a lot of individuals feel terrible." Williams said. "But once I left, I realized I didn't have anything in common with those guys except the fact that we were in the same fraternity."
Breaking away not easy decision
Like Williams, most students consider leaving Greek life worry what their fellow members will think of them, where they will live and how they will break a lifelong commitment to the chapter.
The process, known as depleding for non-initiated members and deactivating or resigning for initiated members, is defined vaguely among the University's chapters.
Bill Nelson, director of greek programs, said the University did not force students to quit the chapters formally, although many chapters require the students to fill out extensive paperwork before leaving.
This year alone, two of about 700 women who participated in formal sorority recruitment signed an official intention to deplege on the Panhellenic Association preference card. However, he said usually no more than five percent of the women who pledged in the fall depleted during the year without an official announcement to greek programs.
While women officially can deplede, there is no similar option for men through the Interfraternity Council.
Nelson said students often depled when they realized they were rushing for the wrong reasons, reasons such as pressure from friends or family or an inaccurate perception of the Greek social scene.
"A lot of students don't realize there's no drinking under 21 especially for the women," Nelson said.
Whatever its roots, a bad pledge experience. Nelson said, can lead some people to leave a sorority or fraternity. He usually encourages those thinking about quitting to discuss their reasons with chapter members. Nelson said his goal was not to discourage students from depleding.
"Our goal is to make sure they've had the good conversation with the house," he said. "Maybe there's been a bad experience, that, if you've told someone about it, they could do something to make sure it doesn't happen again."
Unfortunately, talking about problems with fraternity or sorority members is the last thing many disillusioned pledges want to do.
In September 1997, after living in a fraternity house for less than a month, one KU student realized that life in his fraternity was not for him. Other members were having him, he had little time to hire.
Mixed reactions to depledging
self and he had made few friends outside of the house.
One fraternity 'member warned him that if he ever told others what occurred within the house's walls, the fraternity brother would kill him.
In the face of such threats, he felt pressured to stay in the house. Pressure also came from his family members, several of whom had been alumni of the same chapter.
One night, fearing that other fraternity members would overhear his conversation, the pledge drove to the Burge Union parking lot and called his parents on his cellular phone to tell them he had to get out — immediately.
His parents left home and arrived in Lawrence at 11 p.m. to move him into the Holiday Inn.
to continue living in the house for the remainder of the semester. He instead opted to move into Ellsworth Hall.
"But once I left, I realized I didn't have anything in common with those guys except the fact that we were in the same fraternity."
Of course, many students may not have had as traumatic an experience as this student (who asked that his name not be printed because he still feels threatened by the fraternity).
"Everyone, including Kappa Sigma, just wanted me to be happy," he said. "I have a lot of respect for the house. They could have easily turned their back on me."
Sean Deverey, Milwaukee sophomore, depledged from Kappa Sigma fraternity last spring after living in the house for the majority of the semester.
Nick Williams leawood sophomore
Deverey said that he continued to maintain friendships with several of the fraternity members and that some of them invited him to a house party in September.
He said his experience leaving a chapter was much different than that of others, including friends in other houses who were physically threatened.
"There's definitely a lot of hostility," Deverey said. "They're generally not welcomed back. My experience was not the norm. I think most people who leave would have experienced the exact opposite."
Psychology of the process
Chris Crandall, associate professor of psychology, said members of any group felt threatened when people quit, especially when the person leaving was a strong, interesting individual.
"The group makes it hard to leave," he said. "You have to go through a dismembering process. A group wants to keep a group together. They make it hard to get in to make sure groups have good members, and they make it difficult to leave to maintain loyalty."
Shawnw Clark, Conway Springs sophomore, was initiated into Alpha Gamma Delta sorority last fall and deactivated in April.
Deactivating
She said some of the sorority members still saw her but ignored her on campus.
"Obviously, they didn't care about me very much or they would-
about me very much or i n't have treated me with so much disrespect when I was gone or even while I was there," she said.
Rusti Decker,
Wellington junior,
joined Alpha Delta Pi
sorority during her
freshman year and
lived in the house last
year.
Before the fall semester began, she announced that she was going to quit the chapter.
"I realized it's hard living with 90 women," she said.
She said many people were disappointed, including those she had agreed to be roommates with this year. However, she that said her friends understood and that she still spent a lot of time with them at the house.
Chris Jameson, Interfraternity Council judicial board chief justice and Dallas senior, said the fact that an individual left a chapter often was kept quiet in the Greek community.
"There been no one who's rejected me," she said. "In some ways, I feel like I'm still in the house. It been a positive experience. I have a philosophy in my life that I need to do what makes me happy."
He said this happened specifically when a pledge left.
"The problem, of course, is that it's difficult to maintain relationships because you symbolically have said the group has no value to you."
When a pledge quits a house, if often sets off warning lights to the national headquarters," Jameson
Chris Crandall
associate professor of psychology
said. "Sometimes they may assume that there was something going on, like hazing, when there wasn't."
He said chapters also tried to remain quiet when they removed actives.
"We don't want to embarrass them or cause questions for the fraternity," Jameson said.
Jennifer Rock, Gamma Phi Beta bedge trainer and Olathe junior, said she had worked with pledge members this year who were thinking about quitting.
"Some did, and some didn't." she said. "And that's fine. Sometimes you have to try something to figure out it's not for them. We would sit down and talk about their decision." Rock said the chapter had felt no animosity toward
those who depledled this year and in past years. She also said there was no animosity toward any member who was removed from the chapter, which she said had happened while she lived in the house.
Online today
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Changes in the system
Nelson said many greek groups were beginning to have shorter pledge programs to eliminate the class divisions. Although many programs continue to last a semester, Zeta Beta Tau fraternity's program is only 72 hours. He said that, following Zeta Beta Tau's example, many fraternities were shortening their pledge programs.
Nelson said another problem was that students with demanding schedules and lifestyles were not able to remain active in the greek organizations.
For example, he said, some sororities and fraternities were beginning to be more lenient on students who worked and missed meetings and other time commitments.
He said other Greek organizations were expanding their boundaries on who could be a member. For example, married students often can remain active in chapters now when they couldn't only a couple of years ago.
"There's more flexibility out there," Nelson said. "It reflects regularly changing lifestyles and demographics. And it helps keep members."
— Edited by Darrin Peschka
— Designed by Jason Pearce
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