11
COOL...
U. of Colorado, Boulder
A team of physicists at CU recently succeeded in creating an entirely new form of matter at the lowest temperature ever recorded in the universe. Known as the Bose-Einstein condensate, the matter was predicted by Albert Einstein and is only possible at temperatures nearing absolute zero a theoretical temperature at which a substance has no heat and no motion. The point of all this being what did you do for your summer vacation?
ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS U. of New Mexico
And you thought nothing exciting ever happened at your school. The following story appeared we swear on the front page of the U. of New Mexico's Daily Loba "Eugene Sanchez reported to police that an unknown substance collected on his car while it rested in a parking structure, police reports state.' I noticed a light brown dirt or dust-like substance on said vehicle,' officer R. Uglow reported. 'I believed this substance to be dust that stuck to water drops, then dried.' Uglow informed Sanchez that this was not criminal damage. 'The substance came off easy', the officer reported." Thank goodness for a free press, or we may have never learned of this outrage.
QUICKIES ILLUSTRATIONS BY WILLOW COOK, U. OF CALIFORNIA, DAVIS
POWER TO THE PEOPLE U. of Hawaii
Business students at the U. of Hawaii recently rallied to encourage tuition increases at their campus. Senior accounting major Ty Kanaaneh says students in the business school believe
they're not getting the best possible education because the university lacks current technology. Although more than 30 students picketed in front of the statehouse to voice their concerns, legislators made no reply. "We feel that if you pay more, you get more," Kanaaneh says. Whatever you say, space man.
ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS II U. of Utah
Another worthy front-page story from those wackos out West: "A condiment counter exploded,
CRASH TEST MIKEY U. of Michigan
Mike Pixley is doing more for humankind from the comforts of his La-Z-Boy than most can do standing up. Well, maybe not. Pixley, an aerospace engineering major at the U. of Michigan, tested La-Z-Boy chairs for eight hours a day this summer. Mike's job, according to a spokesperson for the company, was to "put the chairs through as much rigorous use as possible in an eight-hour period." Pixley replaced a dummy tester when company officials determined that it's easier to get a human to sit back, rock and recline. Rock on, dude!
throwing napkins and ketchup near the Foreign Exchange in Union Building on Thursday," reports the Summer Chronicle the U. of Utah's student newspaper. A Union Terrace manager shrugged off the phenomenon, saying, "The building is old. Things like this happen." No one was injured in the blast, but campus police report several complaints from a disgruntled hot dog.
ON THEIR TURF Michigan State U.
MSU students get to roll in the green stuff before they even graduate. In homage to baseball, football and
soccer fields everywhere, MSU has its own school of turfgrass management, which includes classes in crop and soil sciences. The school helped develop a hybrid grass seed used during the 1994 World Cup Soccer Tournament. Who knew that the grass is always greener on the other side of Lake Michigan?
THE TERMINATOR U. of Arizona
Put your mouse where I can see it! A former U. of Arizona student blew a circuit and fired five shots into a university computer lab in what police are calling a random act of violence. The police report says John Mead, who attended the school in the 70s, was only shooting for the computers. Mead confessed that he was aiming for people in the lab but that, because he was a bad shot, he damaged only the computers. He has been charged with three counts of aggravated assault and one count of felony endangerment. Rage against the machine, man.
DEM BONES Kansas State U.
death, members of the James family allowed the body to be exhumed to prove they are the actual relatives of the famous outlaw. Finnegan and his team — or should we call them the Finnegan Gang? — hope to rustle up the truth by mid-February at, um, sundown.
Who is buried in Jesse James' tomb? That's what a team of scientists and researchers at Kansas State U. is trying to figure out. Anthropology professor Michael Finnegan has brought the skeletal remains believed to be James' back to the KSU campus to conduct tests. Because the true story of Jesse's death is unknown and there were no autopsy records at the time of
CUTTING THROUGH THE BULL
U. of Georgia
He got shot where? U. of Georgia police question the story given by students Tromal Johnson, a junior, and Runako Brown, a senior, regarding a shooting in a residence hall. Johnson told police that he was shot in the buttocks by two robbers in Brown's dorm room. Johnson was taken to a local hospital, where he underwent surgery to remove the small-caliber bullet. A police search of the room uncovered marijuana and a large amount of cash. "Right now I have some serious questions as to the reliability of their story," says Chuck Horton, university police chief. Butt officer...
OUT
ON A
McLIMB
North Carolina
State U.
Ronald McDonald has been safely returned. The fiberglass statue of the burger-hawk ing clown was found just three days after it was reported stolen from a McDonald's near campus. Ronald was left hanging in a tree near NC State's D.H. Hill Library with a note attached claiming that the Hamburglar was not responsible for the kidnapping." It said he just went out on his own and wanted to get a Whopper," says Larry Ellis, public safety spokesperson. "He sustained no injuries. He's doing fine
now." There are no suspects in the brief McDisappearance, but the little Wendy's chick was reportedly found macing near the crime scene.
THE CHEAPER PAPER CAPER U. of New Mexico
Two bathroom bandits threatened a UNM custodian with a knife when he walked in on their attempted heist. The target of the theft one dollar's worth of paper towels. Custodian David Marquez says he walked into a men's restroom at the management school and saw one of the men stuffing paper towels from a dispenser into a backpack. Marquez says the second man then threatened him with a 4- to 6-inch knife and shouted, "You aren't going to stop us!" The men then made a clean getaway and left the custodian unharmed. Police later searched the area to no avail. Guess they're not the quicker picker-uppers.
BRAKEDOWN U. of Utah
Campus police at the U. of Utah are putting the brakes on speeders, but you probably won't see any high-speed chases. The limit is 10 mph, and it's for cyclists, skateboarders and in-line skaters. Using radar to catch the offenders, police have clocked cyclists going 60 mph down steep campus hills. Now, how long before skates and bikes come outfitted with fuzz busters?
PENIS ENVY Harvard U.
Is that a cucumber in your pocket? Author Rich Zubaty was excited to see a large turnout at his Take Back the Penis rally in Cambridge, Mass. Zubaty handed out cucumbers to participants and passersby to celebrate the aforementioned organ of the male anatomy. "It's OK to be a man," Zubaty says. With other members of Mentor, a national men's organization that advocates masculinity, Zubaty gathered in Harvard Square to protest anti-male propaganda. Although Zubaty says the rally started out as a spoof, it's no coincidence that he was simultaneously promoting his new book on what he says are the frauds of feminism. Rumor has it that a female driveby yelled, "Lorena Bobbitt for surgeon general!"
6 U. Magazine - October 1995
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