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RAINE REVIEWS NEWS. YOU CAN USE
HAWK TOPICS
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1 FORMER SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD PERSONALLY APPROVED TORTURE AT U.S. DETENTION FACILITIES, ACCORDING TO A FORMER U.S. GENERAL. Read this story and more in the latest edition of No Shit! magazine.
KANSAS SENATOR
SAM BROWNBACK
IS REPORTLY
CONSIDERING
RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT IN 2008.
While I don't doubt
Brownback has noble
intentions, I'm not confident
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he can win over moderate Americans with his campaign slogan "Democrat Damnation, or Republican Rapture? One Choice for all Eternity: Vote Brownback!"
3 EX-KGB SPY ALEXANDER LITVINENKO DIES AFTER BEING POISONED WITH A RADIOACTIVE SUBSTANCE.
Medical officials are now urging other former sexual partners of Paris Hilton to get tested as soon as possible to avoid further deaths.
SEINFELD STAR MICHAEL RICHARDS APOLOGIZES AFTER MAKING RACIST COMMENTS AT AN L.A. COMEDY CLUB.
Hey, at least he's not an anti-Dentite.
5 A BABY BORN WITH ITS HEART OUTSIDE HIS BODY HAS CORRECTIVE SURGERY AND IS EXPECTED TO BE ABLE TO LEAD A "CLOSE-TO-NORMAL." LIFE.
Which proves my theory: Babies born with their heart outside of their body stand a better chance at survival than babies born to Britney Spears and Kevin Federer. Popozao!
A NEW REPORT FINDS THAT STAPH INFECTIONS ARE ON THE RISE AMONG AMERICAN ATHLETES.
And the infections are taking their toll: the University of Miami reportedly had to pay doctors thousands of dollars to explain to the football team that a staph infection isn't an STD.
7 KELLY RIPA RIPS CLAY AIKEN FOR BEING DISRESPECTFUL AND UNPROFESSIONAL AFTER HE FILLS IN FOR REGIS ON LIVE WITH REGIS AND KELLY.
To be fair to Aiken, Kelly Ripa does "look like a malnourished little boy" and "wouldn't know talent if she puked it up during any one of her four daily vomitings." OK, Aiken didn't say that, but someone needs to.
KU DEFEATS NO.1 FLORIDA IN OVERTIME.
There are some nasty rumors that we lost a football game that day, too, but after beating the No.1 team, docs anybody care?
THE O.J. SIMPSON BOOK AND TV SPECIAL ARE CANCELED BY FOX AFTER WIDESPREAD CRITICISM.
Because if there's one thing the Fox Network hates to do, it's putting tasteless, fallacious propaganda masquerading as news on the public airwaves.
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PRESIDENT BUSH S
DAUGHTER BARBARA HAS
HER PURSE AND CELL PHONE
STOLEN IN ARGENTINA
Barbara expressed sympathy and understanding with injured American troops maimed in the Iraq War stitling Now. I too know what it feels like to
SUNDAY BRUNCH
Sundays Will Never Be The Same
THINK YOU HAVE A BETTER JOKE? E-MAIL ME AT HAWKTOPICS@KANSAN.COM
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ALL YOU CAN EAT
Complimentary Mimosa with Brunch
Omelette Bar Carving Station
Made to Order Waffles
Eggs Benedict Different Quiche each Week
Fresh Fish
Pasta Feature Chef's Special Mac & Cheese
Assorted Desserts
THE ELDRIDGE
Reservations are optional but recommended. Make by phone or at www.elrdridgehotel.com
Chris Raine
11.30.2006 JAYPLAY < 11