What are the most common ways that a guy or girl ruins a good relationship?
"A LOT OF GUYS LACK COMMUNICATIONS SKILLS TO LET THEIR GIRLFRIEND KNOW HOW THEY'RE FEELING. IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO GIVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND A SIMPLE COMPLIMENT."
BRIANNA MOORE, OVERLAND PARK JUNIOR
"GIRLS GET PISSED ABOUT STUPID THINGS. THEY GET PISSED ABOUT STUFF LIKE NOT WANTING TO TALK ON THE PHONE."
— ALEX CREEK, OVERLAND PARK SENIOR Megan Heffley
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MY BOYFRIEND AND I BROKE UP A WHILE AGO, AND WE ARE FRIENDS AGAIN. I'M NO LONGER EMOTIONALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM, BUT I'M STILL SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM. I'VE BEEN PLAYING AROUND WITH THE IDEA OF BEING "SEX BUDDIES." I HAVE NEEDS AND CAN HANDLE HAVING SEX WITH NO EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT OR COMMITMENT, BUT I'M NOT SURE IF I CAN GET HIM TO AGREE. HOW CAN I BRING UP THE SUBJECT WITHOUT FREAKING HIM OUT AND MAKING THINGS WEIRD?
Chris: He's not going to be freaked out by the idea of being sex buddies. It's probably safe to assume he'll be cool with that. The other jerks you're sleeping with will probably freak him out and "make things weird" though. Without more information about this ex of yours, I can't figure out if he'll like this or not. It isn't surprising you didn't include more information about the other half of the relationship; you somehow managed to use the word "I" eight times in five sentences. Can you say "self-involved"? You certainly do have needs. Number one should be a visit to a therapist to do something about your
nasty case of narcissism.In the meantime, save your ex and your reputation some unnecessary damage and learn how to satisfy your "needs" on your own.
Niloofar: You may think this would just be casual fun, but history has shown this usually isn't the case. Ask yourself what the pros and cons are. I'll help. Pros: sex. Cons: you make it that much harder to move on and meet a new guy; you will probably have to deal with sticky jealousy issues; you allow him the honor of having sex with you but without having to do any of the things a committed boyfriend would
ANN, JUNIOR
have to do; and you have to go through a second break-up when one of you finds a new sex partner. Do you really want to taint the memory? I understand that you have needs, but that's what your hand and Priscilla's are for. If you simply must have sex with your ex, then plant one on him the next time you're alone together and let it turn into more. Afterwards, when he says "we shouldn't do this," or "this doesn't mean anything," you say"I know, you know, I'm OK with just doing a casual hook-up thing," and see what happens. Unfortunately, I don't think what happens can ever end up being good.
I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON THIS GIRL FOR A WHILE, BUT I'VE NEVER HAD THE NERVE TO ASK HER OUT. NOW SHE THINKS OF ME AS A FRIEND, WHICH I LIKE, BUT I FEAR I'VE GOTTEN THE DREADED "FRIEND" STATUS THAT WILL RUIN ANY CHANCE OF US EVER BEING ROMANTIC. NOW SHE'S TELLING ME ABOUT GUYS SHE LIKES, LIKE I'M ONE OF HER BUDDIES. IS IT TOO LATE FOR ANYTHING "MORE-THAN-A-FRIEND" DEVELOPING, OR DID I BLOW MY CHANCE?
Chris: Mike, you blew your chance. In case you haven't noticed, girls only date their friends in movies or crappy TV shows named Friends. Once you've earned the label, you're officially a eunuch in their eyes
— completely asexual. That's why she feels comfortable talking to you about the guys she wants to get with. You're no threat, and you have no chance. She's probably one of those girls who, when asks what she looks for in a guy, says, "A good personality, makes me laugh, caring and compassionate, loves animals, blah blah blah," when what she really means is, "He's gotta be hot." So, take consolation. You were never attractive enough to gain her affections, so you never really had a chance.
Technically,you didn't fail.So lift up that chin,brush off those shoulders and pretend like this sick little faux relationship, or "friendship,"never even happened. Good luck with the next girl you won't ask out.
Niloofar:Ah, a classic case of When Harry Met Sally syndrome. In most guy-girl friendships, at least one, if not both, parties have feelings for the other.In your case, which is it? For your sake, we'll hope this isn't onesided. Here are some things to consider to help you gauge her interest level: Is she ever flirtatious or does she keep it totally buddy-buddy? Have you ever talked about other girls, and if so, how has she reacted? Any hints (even subtle ones) that she might be jealous? How
long have you known each other? If it has only been a few months and you've become fast friends, it's quite possible that she feels something too, but wonders why you haven't made a move.This other guy better be the incentive you needed to get over your fears and say something.If the thought of losing her to this other guy isn't enough to make you say something, then you don't deserve her anyway.Don't worry, there doesn't need to be any bold declaration of love.Just test the waters with jokes about you guys getting together and observe her responses, including body language and verbal comments.This should be enough to tell you whether you're a potential boyfriend or a forever friend.
MIKE, SENIOR
04→ JAYPLAY 11.30.2006