RAINE REVIEWS NEWS YOU CAN USE HAWK TOPICS
1 PROMINENT EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN PREACHER TED HAGGARD RESIGNS AMID ACCUSATIONS THAT HE USED CRYSTAL METH AND GAY PROSTITUTES. A meth-using evangelical Christian preacher who pays for gay sex? This is the stuff that TV-movie legends are made of.
2 SENATOR JOHN KERRY BOTCHES A JOKE, IMPLIES THAT UNEDUCATED PEOPLE WILL "GET STUCK IN IRA
You know the Washington media is getting lazy when the top story is "John Kerry isn't funny."
3 MUCH-HYPED MOVIE-FILM BORAT OPENS IN THEATRES NATIONWIDE.
I don't know what I'm looking forward to more,seeing the movie itself,or hearing every male at KU repeat lines from the movie every day for the next six months.
4
RAPPER DIDDY EXPRESSES HIS WISH TO BECOME THE FIRST BLACK JAMES BOND.
Producers are balking, however, at Diddy's request to change the name of the famous super-agent to J. Biddy.
IRAN REPORTEDLY GETS A BLUEPRINT FOR BUILDING A NUCLEAR WEAPON FROM A U.S. INTELLIGENCE WEB SITE.
5 Revealing the sensitive nuclear weapon data to Iran and terrorist groups is part of President Bush's new "reverse psychology" foreign policy, in which the U.S. does everything opposite of what would seem like common sense.
6 LABOR GROUPS CRITICIZE WAL-MART'S NEW LABOR RULES, WHICH ESTABLISH PENALTIES FOR TARDINESS TO WORK AND UNAPPROVED ABSENCES.
Gasp! Workers are expected to actually show up for their shifts! And on TIME?!? Wal-Mart's villainy truly knows no bounds!
ACTORS REESE WITHERSPOON AND RYAN PHILLIPE ANNOUNCE THEY'RE SEPARATING AFTER SEVEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
Witherspoon reportedly decided to end the celebrity marriage when she realized that Phillipe no longer qualifies as a celebrity.
9 KFC ANNOUNCES THAT IT WILL NO LONGER USE TRANS FATS WHEN COOKING ITS FAMOUS FRIED CHICKEN.
KFC promises that the chicken will still taste just as good and that customers will be just as nauseous after eating it.
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8 ST.LOUIS IS NAMED THE MOST DANGEROUS CITY IN THE UNITED STATES, ACCORDING TO A LIST COMPILED BY THE FBI.
To be fair, the FBI is largely basing this ranking on how Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols murdered opponents' pitching this year.
ACOR NEL PIRICK HARRIS, FAMOUS FOR PLAYING DOGIE HOWSER, M.D., REVEALS THAT HE'S GAY.
TV viewers in America reveal that they're not surprised, they don't care, and they're still not going to watch Harriet crampy new show.
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12> JAYPLAY 11:09.2006
ENGINEERING GEWURFS
Chris Raine