November 11th ABE&JAKE'S
BITCH moan
Niloofar Shahmohammadi
I HAVE A BAD SINUS INFECTION, AND I HAVE MUCUS EVERYWHERE — I MEAN EVERYWHERE. THE OTHER NIGHT AFTER SEX, MY BOYFRIEND MENTIONED THAT I WAS REALLY WET, BUT IT FELT DIFFERENT. ASIDE FROM THE OBVIOUS HEALTH CONCERNS, IT CUT DOWN ON THE FRICTION AND MADE SEX PRETTY UNSATISFYING. UNTIL THIS CLEARS UP, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
SUSAN, JUNIOR
Niloofar: Your sinus infection is showing up in your vagina? Sweetie, if you're using the word sinus as it is commonly used, then those are near your nose and the mucus you're experiencing further south is probably a yeast infection. The antibiotics you're on for your sinuses probably killed the good bacteria that would have otherwise prevented the infection. Yeast infections aren't something to worry about and can be cleared up relatively easily, but you need to go to the gyno because this "mucus" — or rather,
discharge — could be a symptom of something more serious, like an STD. As far as the friction, or lack thereof, you should hold off on the sex until you've seen someone about your "sinus infection." Until then, there are other ways to be sexual, like eating out together, if you know what I mean.
**Chris:** You should stop having sex, you sick freak! Your vagina is leaking germ-filled ooze, and that isn't an obvious sign to you to stop sticking things in there? You're like a kid who can't stop picking at a
scab, except in this case the scab is in your vagina. Leave it alone — a few days of celibacy won't kill you. It's not surprising your boyfriend found the sex "pretty unsatisfying," considering that he unwittingly dipped his penis into a pot of disgusting, infected gunk. When it starts burning when he pees, he'll know whom to blame. But, hey, look on the bright side — with the lack of friction brought on by your disgusting, slimy vagina, now you know what it's like to have your boyfriend last longer than two minutes.
Chris: How do you tell him his snorting is a disgusting turn-off? You just freaking tell him. While you're at it, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you don't deserve anything better than a stupid snorer for a lover. For crap's sake, you're making me moan in misery just thinking about how much dumber I am for having spent five minutes answering this incredibly idiotic question. Snort.
MY BOYFRIEND SNORTS WHEN WE HAVE SEX. HE THINKS IT TURNS ME ON.
HOW DO I GET HIM TO STOP OR TURN IT INTO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE?
— NIKKI. FRESHMAN
Niloofar: Are you dating Steve Urkel? Luckily, therealthingsyou can do to change behaviors you don't like. Try some constructive communication. "Steve, the snorting dries up my canal," is a little too direct and unnecessarily cruel. First, address the positives. "I love having sex with you, and just thinking about you makes me want to rip my clothes off!" Then use "I" statements, like, "I feel sort of silly/strange/confused when you snort during sex." I
just don't know what to make of it, but I feel bothered by it." Be specific about your request. "It would make me feel better if you moaned or did something else to show me you're enjoying it, because I associate that with pleasure more than snorting, which, once again, just confuses/frightens me." Be smart about timing. Bringing it up during sex or in public, really isn't a good idea. Bringing it up at some point and having snort-free sex is.
08=> JAYPLAY 11.02.2006