MY EX-BOYFRIEND AND I BROKE UP A WHILE AGO. WE STILL SEE EACH OTHER AROUND CAMPUS AND WE STILL TALK ON THE PHONE, BUT I DON'T SEE MYSELF HAVING A FUTURE WITH HIM, SO I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER. THE MORE WE TALK THE MORE EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED I GET. HOW SHOULD I HANDLE THIS? JENNY JUNIOR
JENNY, JUNIOR
Chris: I noticed that you left out two important details — whether you're still sleeping with your ex, and whether you're sleeping with somebody other than your ex. Since your boyfriend, sorry, EX-boyfriend, isn't freaking out and will still actually talk to you, I assume that you're still nailing him and that you're not nailing anybody else... yet. That, or he's already sleepening with somebody else, in which case you're the sucker for becoming more emotionally attached. Although I don't think that's the case. "I don't see myself having any sort of future with him" is obvious girl-speak for "I'm looking to upgrade." For
whatever reason, this guy isn't good enough for you, but it's easier foryou to keep him around until you find his replacement than to be honest with him and with yourself. Soon, you'll go on a date with some Tahoe-driving d-bag, and you'll tell your ex-boyfriend about Todd (who's such a nice guy, seriously) a few weeks later. He'll freak out, sink into depression, drink heavily and drop out of school, and you'll have a hot new boyfriend to show off to your friends! Problem solved.
Niloofar: Treat this like a drug addiction. While you don't want him anymore, it's really hard
to kick the habit. Going cold turkey isn't an option — in fact, it will lead to major withdrawal symptoms, not to mention it's just plain mean. So do what Dr. Phil says: Find a substitute behavior to replace the old one. In your case, that means find a substitute boy. Even if dating is the last thing you want to do right now, forcing yourself to go on a few casual dates will be good for you. And subtly letting your ex-boyfriend know — or better yet, "running into" him on campus while you're all over "Todd" (who probably IS a nice guy) — will get the message across that you're moving on, even if you're still friends after your break-up.
MY BOYFRIEND AND I WENT ON A HIKING TRIP AND HAD SEX IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS. SOMEHOW, I ENDED UP WITH A SPIDER BITE IN MY DOWNSTAIRS. IT ITCHES AND HURTS LIKE CRAZY AND OF COURSE I CAN'T SCRATCH IT IN PUBLIC. AND NOW I'M GETTING THIS WEIRD DISCHARGE FROM MY VAGINA, AND I'M SCARED TO GO TO MY DOCTOR BECAUSE I'M SO EMBARRASSED ABOUT HOW IT HAPPENED. WHAT SHOULD I DG?
JAMOCHA, SOPHOMORE
Chris: I'm just trying to imagine what this spider was thinking. If I found a moist, musty cave and there was a big pink snake that kept poking his head in there, and then the snake vomited all over, would I then decide to go wandering into the cave and see what the ground tastes like? I think not. That was one dumb, disgusting蜘蛛. Regardless, you really should see a doctor, and you really should be embarrassed. There's something about your vagina that attracted that spider. Does your boyfriend know about this? If so, does he care? I would. The discharge thing is pretty gross, and I'd be worried that there's more spiders in there. Maybe the spider laid eggs. For all you know, there's an entire family of poisonous arachnids just waiting for the next sucker to wander in there so they can
hitch a ride out. You could be the first woman to ever spread an STSB — Sexually Transmitted Spider Bite. They should make you wear a shirt that says "I have spiders in my vagina." Maybe you should shave your pubic hair into the shape of a spider. You can call your vagina "Jamocha's Web," and you can call your boyfriend's penis "Wilbur." You should dress up as a spider for Halloween, and your boyfriend can dress up as a vagina. You should go see your gyno and not tell her about the spider. Then when she sees it, yell "Trick or Treat!"
Niloofar: So the eensy weeny spider climbed up your water spout? That's what you get for having sex in the woods, Sweetheart. But don't take Chris' vaginal insults personally.In fact, I bet sex in the woods was your
horndog of a boyfriend's idea. Go to the gyno and don't worry about being embarrassed. You could always say you stopped in the woods to pee... but the truth is it was "the big pink snake" that started the trouble, and for that reason, he should come with you to the doctor's office for moral support. He should even help you apply your STSB cream. Or don't even tell your boyfriend about Charlotte — he'd probably freak out — even though it's his fault. Then, when his anaconda wants to enter the cave a second time, you can let all the spider babies in there bite him and then he'll know what it's like to have strange discharge, plus he'll be dysfunctional for a few weeks, which means you can plan another hiking trip with some actual hiking involved this time.
LIED CENTER OF KANSAS www.liedku.edu 785.864.2787
Half-Price Tickets for KU Students! Available online and at Lied Center, University Theatre and SUA Ticket Offices.
Simon Shaheen & Dr. A.J. Racy and the Near Eastern Music Ensemble Saturday, October 21 - 7:30 p.m.
Performing the rich legacy of Arabic music that embraces a fusion of Palestinian, jazz, Western Classical and Latin American music.
L.A. Theatre Works presents THE
CAINE MUTINY COURT-MARTIAL BY HERMAN WOUK
STARRING JOHN VICKERY* FROM STAR TREK & BROADWAY'S THE LION KING
AND PETER SMITH* FROM LAW & ORDER, 24, AND BROADWAY'S THE INVENTION OF LOVE
Friday, October 27 - 7:30 p.m.
Based on the Pulitzer Prizewinning novel, this radio play recounts the courtroom drama about mutinous acts aboard a ship during World War II.
BARBER EMERSON, L.C. VIP SPONSOR
- Cast subject to change.
KU LIED CENTER OF KANSAS The University of Kansas
Tickets: 785.864.2787
Kamen Arts
Consultation
ticketmaster
(816) 931-3330
(785) 234-4545
Buy online www.lied.ku.edu
TDD:785.864.2777
10.19.2006 JAYPLAY < 16