SPEAK
THE LONE CHILD
No siblings?
No cousins?
No problem.
by Erika Bentson
ILLUSTRATION/ SCOTT KASERMAN
"OK, will you guys go hide my eggs now please?"
I said this to my parents and grandparents on Easter Sunday when I was 7. I had finally organized my own egg hunt. I had always heard of elaborate egg hunts from my friends that involved bright plastic eggs filled with jellybeans, marshmallow Peeps and quarters. The kids sat inside and waited for the adults to hide the eggs and then raced to find the best. Earlier that week, my mother had agreed to let me pick out some plastic eggs, and I pleaded with her for Peanut Butter M&M's and Jelly Bellies to fill them. Finally, on Easter afternoon, I encouraged my relatives to hide my eggs so I could go find them. After they had diligently hid the eggs that I had prepared, I scurried out to my grandmother's backyard while my parents and grandparents watched me search for the eggs. But there was no race. I looked for the eggs by myself, without competition from brothers, sisters or cousins.
It wasn't until freshman year of college that I realized my family was a little different. When my friends talked about going home, they spoke of how
excited they were to see their siblings, wacky aunts and cousins. They talked about tables filled with people chatting away and catching up with relatives. When I went home to Wichita for our family dinners, I was perched at the end
of my family's dinner table surrounded by adults. As a child, I would daydream during meals or work on some sort of art project with my food while my parents and grandparents chatted about politics, employees and their friends. There was no "kids' table"—the
only minor around was me. The person closest to me in age is my mom's brother, who is now 58. I am an only child and an only grandchild between both sets of grandparents. That means I have no brothers or sisters and no first cousins. I grew up around adults.
functions.I always prayed that restaurants we went to on vacations would have a children's menu — sometimes they didn't.
When I was around my family as a child, typically there were no other children around. I regularly attended what I referred to as "grown-up" functions, like going to the symphony and other fine arts
I AM AN ONLY CHILD AND
AN ONLY GRANDCHILD
BETWEEN BOTH SETS OF
GRANDPARENTS. I HAVE NO
BROTHERS OR SISTERS, NO
FIRST COUSINS. I GREW UP
AROUND ADULTS.
My closest experiences to the large family gatherings my friends talked about
were when we invited extended family over or attended family reunions. At those functions I was always excited because I finally got to sit at the "kids table" giggling and playing with my distant cousins' cool toys.
My childhood wasn't totally absent of interaction
with other people my age. I was lucky to grow up in a neighborhood with other only children. I grew up across the street from my friend Pat, who is now like my brother. He also has no siblings but was blessed to have first cousins his own age. We went to school together, played together, ate meals together, went on trips together and, like any other brother and sister duo, tormented and beat the crap out of each other.
Duringmychildhood,Ibecameawareof
the stereotypes that follow only children. We have a stigma of being spoiled, lacking social skills and maintaining bizarre bonds with our parents. But my parents forced me to be independent. I got a job when I was 15 so I could save up to buy a car. Because I wanted to hang out with people my own age, I grew into an extrovert to make close friends at school. My friends were the only people who could relate to situations and experiences that people my age had, so I asked them for advice like any sister would from her siblings. Nowadays, my friends tell me that I'm more of a sister to them than a friend.
I was never at a disadvantage growing up. Being an only child gave me independence and taught me responsibility. When you're around adults all the time you can't help but act like them. I inherited my grandfather's obsession with getting to the airport at least two hours before a flight. I also religiously check the oil in the engine and the air in the tires of my car. As it turns out, being around adults all the time isn't so bad. Besides, during those Easter egg hunts, I got all the good eggs.
10.05.2006 JAYPLAY
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