RAINE REVIEWS
NEWS YOU CAN USE
HAWK TOPICS
1 A RESEARCH PAPER REVEALS THAT 56 PERCENT OF GRADUATE BUSINESS STUDENTS IN THE U.S. AND CANADA ADMIT TO CHEATING, MORE THAN GRADUATE STUDENTS IN ANY OTHER FIELD. The 44 percent of graduate business students who wouldn't admit to cheating were immediately hired as political consultants for the Republican party.
2 THE U.S. COMMERCE DEPARTMENT REPORTS THAT MORE THAN 1,100 LAPTOP COMPUTERS, SOME OF WHICH CONTAINED U.S. CENSUS BUREAU DATA, WERE LOST OR STOLEN IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS.
Government officials fear that the computers could fall into the hands of terrorists who could gain access to stockpiles of sensitive information, like how many people live in the United States.
A 3.3 MILLION-
YEAR-OLD
SKELETON
OF A CHILD
IS FOUND IN
ETHIOPIA, PROVIDING A
VALUABLE LINK IN THE
EVOLUTION OF HUMANS.
The most unnerving find in the dig was that the child appeared to have been strangled by a T.M.X. Elmo that had traveled back in time and attempted to destroy the human race.
FISHER-PRICE UNVEILS THE HIGHLY SECRETIVE TMX ELMO, WHICH FEATURES AUTOMATED ACTIONS TO GO WITH ITS SIGNATURE GIGGLE.
As of the press release, there were still some bugs in the Elmo programming. Poke the Elmo in the stomach once, he convulses in laughter. Poke the Elmo twice, and he begins speaking in an Austrian accent and starts asking about John Conner.
5 THE U.S. HEALTH CARE SYSTEM RECEIVES AN OVERALL GRADE OF "D," ACCORDING TO A RECENTLY RELEASED REPORT. Put another way, American health care actually improving your health is about as likely as that semi-literate meathead in your chemistry class passing the midterm.
6 THE FORBES 400, A LIST OF THE 400 RICHEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, IS MADE UP ENTIRELY OF BILLIONAIRES FOR THE FIRST TIME.
VENEZUELAN PRESIDENT HUGO CHAVEZ CALLS PRESIDENT BUSH "THE DEVIL" AT THE U.N. GENERAL ASSEMBLY.
The members of the list are so wealthy that they make hotel heiress Paris Hilton seem like a cheap whore.
President Bush answered with a
Once the patient is fully recovered, the man plans to do what other men with Incredibly small penises do: buy a Hummer.
swift." know you are but what am I," to which Chavez responded with "Asphinctersay what?"
7 DOCTORS IN CHINA ARE FORCED TO REMOVE THE WORLD'S FIRST SUCCESSFUL PENIS TRANSPLANT AFTER TWO WEEKS BECAUSE OF "SEVERE PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS" OF THE MAN AND HIS WIFE.
This is about as surprising as Usher finally coming out of the closet.
9 COUNTRY MUSIC LEGEND WILLIE NELSON IS CHARGED WITH SEVERAL DRUG OFFENSES AFTER BEING CAUGHT WITH MUSHROOMS AND MARJUANA DURING A TRAFFIC STOP.
10
SUNDAY BRUNCH
Sundays Will Never Be The Same
$3 OFF with KUID (Originally $14.95)
ALL YOU CAN EAT
Complimentary Mimosa with Brunch
Omelette Bar
Carving Station
Made to Order Waffles
Eggs Benedict
Different Quiche each Week
Fresh Fish
Pasta Feature
Chef's Special Mac & Cheese
Assorted Desserts
Chos Raine
THE ELDRIDGE
Reservations are optional, but recommended. Make by phone or at www.eldridgehotel.com
J09.28.2006 JAYPEAY +13