THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 14, 2006
SEX ON THE HILL
15C
Who's your daddy? Talking dirty in the bedroom.Does it get your libido going or stop the fun?
BY FRANCESCA CHAMBERS
"Who's your daddy?"
"You are, you are!"
Are people actually enthused by the act of having sex with their father or do statements like the one above cause them to have a sudden urge to find some masking tape as quickly as possible? Not surprisingly, as many partners who find talking dirty stimulating think it is lewd.
Even the most avid supporters of erotic talk admit that some of the words spoken in times of passion are kind of silly.
"Talking dirty is pretty funny and is nothing to take too seriously," Ashleigh Garcia, Topeka sophomore, said. "It's something you can laugh about later. But it definitely intensifies things. It's pretty hot."
Even though some ridiculousness may be bearable, Thomas Stuttaford warns dirty talkers in the advice column "Sex Matters" on timesonline.com that there is a fine line between arousing your partner and disturbing them. "Many, if not most, people are enthused by some degree of erotic talk, but after talking to many patients about this form of sex play it seems that once talk becomes juvenile, scatological or kinky, most people are turned off," he said.
Colt Davis, Newton freshman, validates Stuttaford's words of caution.
"I've never tried it, but someone tried it on me and it was kind of awkward," Davis said. "It didn't creep me out or anything, but I just sort or ignored it." "If you are really trying to
"Talking dirty is pretty funny and is nothing to take too seriously. It's something you can laugh about later. But it definitely intensifies things. It's pretty hot."
ASHLEIGH GARCIA Topeka sophomore
For Erica Hill, Kansas City junior, there are no doubts. Talking dirty is a mood breaker.
get turned on, foreplay and sex itself are a lot more fun."
"I think talking dirty is a turn off," Hill said. "It's like 'Shut up!' It's kind of distracting."
Is talking dirty just the icing on the cake or is it an important ingredient in cooking a tantalizing treat? Heather Frost, a psychologist at the KU Counseling and Psychological Services, said, "What turns one person on may not necessarily be what turns another person on. There are a lot of individual differences."
Similarly, Suzi Godson, a sex writer and columnist for time-sonline.com, writes, "There is a strong argument to be made for men being forced to take an exam in creative discourse before they're allowed to 'talk dirty' because most male attempts at verbal arousal leave women wanting to stuff a sock in their mouth."
Arist Wright, Houston sophomore, said it all depends on who you are with and what mood you are in.
"If you're making love and she's all smacking your ass, then
it's a problem. But if you're drunk it would be cool. I probably wouldn't even think about it then," he said.
Whether students find talking dirty an unpleasant distraction is debatable. However, experts do tell the public that talking dirty is not abnormal or a cause for extreme concern in most cases.
"It is interesting that among the standard eight paraphilias — the forms of sexual behavior that are considered by doctors to be abnormal, and which are listed in the psychiatrist's manual — 'talking dirty' doesn't receive a mention," Godson said.
If talking dirty is a turn off, then don't be afraid to say so, experts say.
Godson calls the inability to vocalize negative feelings related to talking dirty "old-fashioned female insecurity".
"Women worry that if they express their distaste, they'll come across as 'uptight or prudish; so they bite their lips," she said
While his statement is exclusive to women, it can be equally applied to men.
At the same time, if talking dirty is appealing, partners are encouraged to discuss these feelings with each other and perhaps work out some sort of a compromise. Who knows, deep down there might be a secret fetish involving your daddy ... or not.
Kansan correspondent Francesca Chambers can be contacted at editor@kansan.com.
Edited by Gabriella Souza
5?12?20?Pushing the sex limit
STUDENTS SHARE THEIR OPINIONS ON HOW MANY ARE TOO MANY
BY ERIN WILEY
A couple of my guy friends once told me, "Guys in college who have girlfriends are being held back."
In girl lingo, this statement actually means, "During college, guys and girls are supposed to sleep with as many people possible before it's graduation day and time to settle down."
"Something about triple digits seems a bit excessive. First off, that would just be exhausting. And second, there are those things that go around. You wouldn't want to catch one of those colds."
KATIE GARMAN Shawnee senior
But how many sex partners is too many?
ANDY WHITEHEAD Kansas City, Kan., freshman
Some people came to the University of Kansas as virgins. Some didn't. Some of these people will leave as virgins, or with a small amount of partners that can be counted on one hand. And then there are the others. Let's just say after some people graduate from the University, after they count on their own fingers and toes, they may need help from their partners to keep count.
No matter how many partners people end up having, everyone has an opinion on the matter of how many sex partners are too many.
"If you're talking about sexual partners, going on at the same time — keep it in single digits."
"I can care less,more likely not a lot. It depends on who the person is."
"I don't think you should have one until you are married."
JULIA DUSCH Leawood junior
MATT GRAHAM Wichita senior
"It's not worth it if it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway."