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HAWKTOPICS
1
THE LAWRENCE SMOKING BAN IS SET TO BE REVIEWED BY THE KANSAS SUPREME COURT.
The fight to repeal the smoking ban is led by Last Call and Coyote Club owner Dennis Steffes, who, should he be victorious, will have to find another excuse for why his clubs really, really suck.
2
IRANIAN PRESIDENT MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD CHALLENGES PRESIDENT BUSH TO A LIVE TV DEBATE; BUSH IMMEDIATELY DECLINED.
Bush quickly retaliated by challenging Ahmadinejad to a contest to see who could pee the farthest.
GERMAN CHANCELLOR ANGELA MERKEL REPLACES SECRETARY OF STATE CONDOLEEZZA RICE AS THE "WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL WOMAN" ACCORDING TO A RECENT ISSUE OF FORBES MAGAZINE
To make matters worse, Rice lost her top spot in a People magazine poll of "Most Appetizing Celebrity Names" to Kevin Bacon.
3 KU FOOTBALL COACH MARK MANGINO SIGNS A FIVE-YEAR CONTRACT EXTENSION THAT WILL PAY HIM $1.5 MILLION A YEAR.
Mangino was reportedly reluctant to sign the deal until Athletic Director Lew Perkins explained how many boneless buffalo wings $1.5 million could buy.
4 K-STATE SQUEAKS OUT A ONE POINT WIN AGAINST DIVISION I-AA OPPONENT ILLINOIS STATE.
The disappointing performance has made K-State fans begin asking a question previously exclusive to KU fans:"How long until basketball season?"
6 NORWEGIAN POLICE RECOVER ARTIST EDVARD MUNCH'S "THE SCREAM," WHICH WAS STOLEN BY GUNMEN MORE THAN TWO YEARS AGO.
Unfortunately, the painting had been vandalized with a crudely drawn speech bubble containing the words "iser flote," Norwegian for "ice cream."
LOCKHEED MARTIN WINS THE CONTRACT TO DEVELOP THE ORION. A SPACECRAFT DESIGNED TO TRANSPORT ASTRONAUTS TO THE MOON This is great news. Now, instead of wasting billions of dollars fighting a futile war in Iraq, our government can waste billions of dollars sending people to the moon to collect rocks and plant flags.
8 AN APPLEBEE'S BARTENDER IN HUTCHINSON RECEIVES A $10,000 TIP ON A $26 TAB
While the size of the gratuity was certainly a big surprise, the bartender was most shocked to find out that someone worth $10,000 actually eats at Applebee's.
Applebee's
9 PROSECUTORS IN THE JON BENET RAMSEY MURDER CASE DROP THE CHARGES AGAINST WANNA-BE CHILD-RAPIST/MURDERER JOHN MARK KARR AS DNA EVIDENCE CONTRADICTS HIS CONFESSION.
The fight against depression just received a valuable new treatment tactic:"Think your life is sad and pathetic? At least you didn't lie about being a child molester and murderer for attention."
PANICATTHEDISCO JAMES BLUNT, FALL OUT BOY WIN BIG AT THE MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS. 10
I would rather listen to Kurt Cobain's corpse getting dropped onto a grand piano than any of the VMA winners' music.
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Chris Raine
09.07.2006 JAYPIE