35th Annual
WALNUT VALLEY FESTIVAL
NOTICE
Bluestem
Misty River
Hot Strings
The Wilders
Steve Kaufman
Pete Huttlinger
The Greencards
The Waybacks
Marley's Ghost
Still on the Hill
Tommy Emmanu
National Flat Picking Championships
September 13-17,2006 Winfield,KS
Buy your tickets now!
For details and tickets, visit
www.wvfest.com
Stephen Bennett $93,383 in prizes
Cadillac Sky
Dave Stamey
Andy May
Bill Barwick
Roz Brown
Julie Davis
Barry Patton
Linda Tilton
Bruce Graybill
Small Potatoes
Mountain Smoke
Tim O'Brien Trio
John McCutcheon
Byron Berline Band
David Munnelly Band
Spontaneous Combustion
Cathy Barton & Dave Para
Dan Crary & Thunderation
Adrienne Young & Little Sadie
Tom Chapin w/ Michael Mark
JoAnn Smith & Pocket Change
Chris Jones & The Night Drivers
• Arts and Crafts
• Four stages
• Eight contests
• Workshops
Pat Flynn, Buddy Greene, & Friends
RAINE REVIEWS
NEWS YOU CAN USE
HAWK TOPICS
A SUSPECT IS ARRESTED, CONFESSES IN THE 10 YEAR-OLD MURDER CASE OF CHILD BEAUTY QUEEN JONBENET RAMSEY.
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News producers breathe a sigh of relief as the revival of the Ramsey case gives them an excuse to not cover all those other things that are happening in the world right now.
A CANADIAN STUDY LINKS WOMEN WITH BREAST IMPLANTS TO HIGHER SUICIDE RATES.
Think about that the next time you're sliding a dollar into Chastity's g-string. Instead of a dollar, maybe she just needs a friend... which might be a good way to get a free lap dance.
4 HALEY JOEL OSMENT, CHILD STAR OF "THE SIXTH SENSE" AND "PAY IT FORWARD," IS ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING AND POSSESSION OF MARIJUANA.
A Hollywood-rock star marriage falls apart AND a former child star falls from grace? In the same WEEK? Somewhere an Entertainment Tonight producer is writhing on the ground in ecstasy, and not from the handful of ecstacy pills he just downed with a swig of his Tom Collins.
ACTRESS KATE HUDSON AND ROCKER
HUSBAND CHRIS ROBINSON OF THE
BLACK CROWES ANNOUNCES THAT
THEY ARE SEPARATING AFTER NEARLY
SIX YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
Apparently, Robinson agreed with moviegoers nationwide:"You, Me and Dupree" really was that bad.
TROY LEE GENTRY OF COUNTRY MUSIC ACT MONTGOMERY GENTRY IS CHARGED WITH A FELONY AFTER KILLING A CAGED, TAME BEAR WITH A BOW AND ARROW.
Sounds like Mr Gentry was just having some "Good Clean Fun." And if you get that, joke, you listen to really crappy music.
6 MASTER ILLUSIONIST DAVID COPPERFIELD CLAIMS TO HAVE FOUND THE LEGENDARY "FOUNDAIN OF YOUTH" ON HIS RITZY BAHAMAS RESORT.
Hopefully this is a trick to lure Joan Rivers to a secluded island where someone can put that sad, shriveled fembot out of her misery once and for all.
FORD MOTORS ANNOUNCES PLANS TO HALT PRODUCTION AT 10 ASSEMBLY PLANTS BY THE END OF THE YEAR.
Ford claimed that high gas prices have made their gas-guzzling SUVs economically unfeasible, even for men with the tiniest of penises.
FORMER 'KU FOOTBALL PLAYER' ERIC
BUTLER LOSSES HIS APPEAL FOR ANOTHER
YEAR OF ELIGIBILITY AFTER TAKEING A YEAR
OFF FOR THE BIRTH OF His DAUGHTER.
Maybe if Butler had put the needs of the team ahead of his family, he wouldn't be in this predicament. After all there's no "Showing immense personal responsibility and character and taking care of my family first" in team.
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A NEW STUDY FINDS THAT EATING HOT DOGS MAY CAUSE GENETIC MUTATIONS AND CANCER.
It's hard to believe that a product made from leftover organs, snouts, hooves, hair and whatever else falls into the meat grinder might be harmful to consume. It's also hard to believe that after knowing what hot dogs are made of and that they probably cause cancer, a hot dog sounds really delicious right now.
10 JAKUB VOBORIL, WICHITA HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR, SCORES PERFECT MARKS ON BOTH THE ACT AND THE SAT.
The perfect scores helped to offset the disappointing results from Voboril's poor showing on the "Are you a Wild Woman in the Bedroom?" test from a recent issue of Cosmopolitan, on which he was rated a "Frigid Franny."
THINK YOU HAYE A BETTER JOKE? E-MAIL ME AT HAWKTOPICS@KANSAN.COM
12 ➤ JAYPLAY 08.24.2006
Chris Raine