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BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO break-up and the make-up: why some
The break-up and the make-up: why some couples just can't get it together
It's been 10 whirlwind years since Dallas Clow and his onagain-off-again girlfriend, Lauren Richards, met. Their time together has been sporadic and confusing, but there has always been something special between them, Clow says.
Clow and Richards, KU alumni,
reached their romance in
launched their January 1996 while attending KU, where they met through a mutual friend. That April, Clow dropped out of school and moved to Houston, where he bought a sailboat. He felt an obligation to himself to try something new
PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS/JARED GAB
fear or loneliness.
PEOPLE OFTEN GAIN PERSPECTIVE AND DISTANCE FROM THE RELATIONSHIP AFTER THEY SEPARATE, WHICH HELPS THEM SEE MISTAKES AND WAYS TO FIX THEM. — PAMELA J. BOTTS, INTERIM DIRECTOR OF KU COUNSELING AND PSYCHOLOGICAL SERVICES
But couples break up and make up for reasons beyond the co-dependency issue, says Pamela J. Botts, Interim director of KU Counseling and Psychological Services. People are typically attracted to each other because of common interests on the surface she says. Over time, although
and get away for a while, Clow says.Clow and Richards continued a long-distance relationship until the summer of 1997, when Richards started dating someone else in Lawrence: break-up number one. The couple has reconvened and gone through the cycle several times since. After knowing each other and dating off-and-on for 10 years — six of which were consecutive years apart — the couple is back together and again maintaining a long-distance relationship.
It's easy to assume that couples that hop on the break-up/make-up carousel have revived their tumultuous relationships out of
they appreciate certain qualities about each other, they notice other aspects that just don't work out and therefore end the relationship, she says.
Breaking up can sometimes shed some light on a relationship. People often
gain perspective and distance from the relationship after they separate, which helps them see mistakes and ways to fix them, Botts says. This can essentially lead them back into the relationship.
Emily Hampton, Lawrence senior, has had a hard time finalizing a break-up in the past year. She fell in love with her best friend — now on-again/off-again boyfriend — one year ago. They have broken up several times, but she just can't seem to let go.
"I guess there's just a dreamy part of me that thinks when you fall in love you are supposed to try and make it happen," she says.
"That should be the person you are with forever."
Because she's in love with her best friend, it's hard to move on. Hampton says. She believes that once you have a passionate and intimate connection with someone who means the world to you, it's hard to imagine experiencing that with someone
else, she says. Although she has tried to date other dateable and up-to-par fellows, she says that it is just not the same. A concoction of friendship and passion always leads her back to her ex, even though she knows that it's best for her to move on, Hampton says. it's not that she thinks she can't or won't fall in love with
someone else again. She knows it's possible.
So whether you're riding the make-up/break-up carousel yourself or watching a friend go around and around, take a step back and evaluate the relationship. Are there problems that you can work through, or is it time to move on?
08. 24.2006 JAYPLAY <05