CATCH of the week
Name: Abby Stutsman, Iowa City, Iowa, senior
Major: Journalism and Sociology
What she looks for in another person: A sense of humor and someone who likes to have fun.
Favorite personal feature: Her wings (It's a tattoo on her back) and her sense of adventure.
Ideal date: Something so random that no one would ever think of it.
She's a sucker for: Pretty eyes and dimples
Hobbies: Reliving childhood pastimes
Job: She works at Victoria's Secret, but would someday love to write and illustrate children's books.
Best-yet-worst date ever: She dressed up like a troll doll one Halloween. The next day she had to have the guy she was supposed to go on a date with take her to Wal-mart to get WD-40 to take the glue out of her hair so it would lie flat again.
What her friends say: "No matter what, you can't be in a bad mood around Abby. You will never predict the bizarre, funny, hysterical, catastrophic, ridiculous thing that she'll do," says Kerry Amos, Leawood junior."She likes to be a part of a world like none anyone else knows."
Megan Heffley
04-> JAYPLAY 08.24.2006
I'M REALLY HORNY. REALLY HORNY. IS THERE SOME WAY I CAN FIND A WOMAN TO HAVE SEX WITH, WITHOUT PAYING FOR IT, GETTING DRUNK OR HAVING A RELATIONSHIP?
Niloofar: Yeah. You're horny.
REALLY HORNY. You and just about 28,000 other people on campus. But, as a love-seeking lady myself, I'm a bit disturbed that you want to avoid qualifier number three. I think you'll find that in the long run, you'll be much more gratified and satisfied in a meaningful relationship. Is there really any better feeling than knowing there's a nice girl — with a first and last name — ready and waiting, whenever you've got the urge? Then again, you are a freshman and maybe not ready for something serious. So
in the meantime, lady's night is tonight and every Thursday, at Liquid, 806.W.24th St., and it's 18 and over, which means lots of freshmen. And lots of ladies. While you're grinding up against a few booties to 50 Cent, you can try to get a few numbers and maybe some play. And if that doesn't work, there's always Priscilla's, right across the street.
CODY, FRESHMAN
Chris: You're facing a tall task. Money, booze and love are the three most effective means of sexual conquest available to the modern male. I'll assume you're not exceptionally good-
looking, so you're facing an uphill battle in the pursuit of pro bono boning. Faced with these daunting restrictions, I am forced to recommend dancing. There's something about rhythmic body movements combined with a healthy dose of genital grinding that can turn Quasimodo into Casanova in the time it takes Pharrell to tell us to "Take It Off." Dancing will also eliminate much of the need for talking, which is good for you and, judging by the depths of your desperation, good for your unfortunate prey as well.
I'VE BEEN HERE FOR TWO YEARS AND HAVE NOT DATED A GIRL. I USED TO HIDE UNDER THE FACT THAT I WAS ALWAYS BUSY, TOO INVOLVED OR JUST DIDN'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND. I LOVE GOING OUT, BEING CRAZY AND MEETING GIRLS, BUT I ALWAYS GET PUT IN THAT "FRIENDS" CATEGORY EVEN AT THE GREEK LEVEL, TIME IS RUNNING OUT, AND I FEAR THAT EVENTUALLY I WILL LOSE MY COMPASSION AND ABILITY TO LOVE. HELP!
Chris: It sounds like your compassion and ability to love is probably what's getting you put in that "friends" category. I mean, you've tried being nice. Hell, you've tried going Greek. If a social system that's set up for young men to "date" young women isn't working for you, then what possibly could? It's time for you to accept cold, harsh reality and stop delaying the inevitable. Losing hope could be the best thing to ever happen to you. It will foster the contempt and simmering anger needed to ensure you never get placed in that "friends" category again. It
will dull the stabbing pain of the eventual heartbreak and make your first few divorces that much easier to drink away. Plus, being a miserable bastard might just give you the "bad boy" appeal that women our age are so disgustingly drawn to. Best of luck, man, because you need it.
Niloofar: In a soccer game, would the trailing team give up at half time? No. You're only a junior, and that means this week marks the beginning of the second half. And you're going to win this thing. In life, we attract what we ARE. So if you are struggling, you will attract
MIKE, JUNIOR
situations that will cause you to struggle even more. So stop trying so hard! Like they say, if you chase a butterfly you'll never catch it, but if you stand still, it'll eventually land on your shoulder. I'm not suggesting you sit on your ass in the corner of your dark apartment, because, the truth is, that despite our brazen feminism, most women still want a man to do the initiating when it comes to dating. Put yourself out there. Remember, in a world where Billy Bob Thornton can marry Angelina Jolie, a compassionate young man like yourself can find a girl in college.
w w
Girl 1: You want go to Mass?
Girl 2: Why would I go on a Tuesday?
Girl 1: Umm, why wouldn't you?
Girl 2: Oh, you mean Mass Street! I thought you meant church.
WESCOE WIT
**Guy:** (Staring at girl.) I can make people burn by just looking at them.
**Girl:** I don't feel any heat...
**Guy:** Well, I haven't started yet.
Girl 1: The president died.
Girl 2: What? Bush died?
Girl 3: No, the president of the company I work for.
Girl 2: Oh, OK. Who cares?
Beth Breitenstein