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JORGENSEN: Welcome, freshmen. Here's everything about college they won't tell you at orientation, like what happens when you wake up missing your shoes See kansan.com for more opinions and Free for All comments
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 23, 2006 WWW.KANSAN.COM
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
OPINION
PAGE 5A
》 OUR VIEW
Rankings mean nothing
Tis the season for rankings, and depending on your attitude, the University of Kansas is either more rank than last year, or the aroma has never been better.
Kansan employees strive to bring KU students unbiased coverage — successfully or unsuccessfully — but most of us have a certain pride in the University, whether U.S. News and World Report ranks it first or last. Many KU students share this attitude.
Many would disagree, and we would hope that they would be working to improve our community through actions such as voicing dissent or advocating a worthy cause.
For what it's worth, outsiders' opinions have improved. For 2007, the publication ranks the University 39th among public universities and 88th among national universities. The University improved six spots among public universities and nine spots overall from last year's standings. But the rankings fail to tell the University's story.
The magazine's analysis uncovers a small fraction of the University's qualities by emphasizing numbers. It used 15 quantitative indicators to measure academic quality, including a peer assessment survey of university administrators, student retention rates, acceptance
rates, per-student spending graduation rates and the average percentage of alumni who contribute.
Perhaps equally important are the characteristics for which the publication lacks data. The publication acknowledges in its "About the rankings" section that its study neglects "the feel of campus life, activities, sports, academic offerings, location, cost and availability of financial aid."
As American author Henry Miller said, "Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music — the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself."
Once a student has enrolled, rankings amount to little more than a popularity contest. Future students may rely on the 2007 rankings to make the decision to apply, but after they have spent enough time here, the reason they came won't be the numbers 39 or 88.
Just ask the students who responded to the "101 things to do before you graduate" in last week's Jayplay.
Substitute "the University of Kansas" for "the world" in the above quotation and forget your ranking too.
Steve Lynn, for the editorial board
COMMENTARY
New to KU? Get ready to ride the rockercoaster
To those of you new to our illustrious hill, you're going to like it here. As the newest generation of Jayhawks, you have not experienced the blur that is the University of Kansas and all that is associated with it. There are a few things you need to know.
Let's establish this first and fast if you are new to the University and have a boyfriend or girlfriend who lives more than 10 miles away; cut loose and move on. There is fun to be had, and all you need is your boys or girls to make this happen.
or girls to play games.
If you are a returning male student and you still have a girlfriend from back home, you need to stop playing Halo and Counterstrike in your spare time, retire your Magic cards and Pogs, and take a shot.
BY ERIC JORGENSEN
KANSAN COLUMNIST
OPINION@KANSAN.COM
If you're a returning female and you still have a boyfriend from back home, he's (still) cheating on you. If he's not, he will be soon. That's okay, because so will you. But don't free young ones; solo is the best way to start college.
The college lifestyle is much different from high school. You're going to do things you never could have imagined while in your mom's basement, surrounded by Brad Pitt, J-Lo
or "The Lord of the Rings" posters, depending on your taste.
men, you will at some point drunkenly hook up with some girl you may think looks like Jessica Simpson but who really looks more like the Ultimate Warrior, circa 1991.
Women, you're going to make out with your best friend, and with that creepy guy on the dance floor who won't take his hands off your butt. But, hey, you'll be able to milk him for a couple drinks so don't be too upset.
A weird morning in high school would be waking up at your friend's house, or maybe in your car. A weird morning in college is waking up by the ATM at the Commerce Bank next to Montana Mike's. You probably won't have your shoes. I promise all of you will wake up missing at least one shoe at some point in your college years.
Here is some advice to the new women: If a guy walks up to you wearing a shirt that says something like, "My girlfriend is at home," or "Moms love me," leave him alone. He has herpes. If his shirt has a giant "68" on it and says, "You owe me one," you should at least give him your number because that is just funny. And no, I don't own that shirt, but I almost wish I did.
want to fight you. You never know when you will need a solid kicking foot.
Here is my advice to the men:
Never wear flip-flops when you go out. When you're drunk and peeing either at a bar or a party, you're going to splatter or pee directly on your unguarded foot, and that sucks. Plus, you never know when someone will
That's why I only wear steel-toed boots with spurs. Whether it's at a party or on the beach, I never leave my trusted rodeo boots at home.
This has just been a sampling of things to expect or consider while in college. Do things you'll regret: They make better stories. Don't do things you'll be ashamed of: they make sad A.A. stories. Go out, meet some people and have fun.
Jorgensen is a Baldwin City senior in journalism.
FREE FOR ALL
I watched a cop write eight tickets in a one-block radius today. Welcome back to Lawrence, everybody.
ments will not be printed. Phone numbers of all incoming calls are recorded
Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. Kansan editors reserve the right to omit comments. Slanderous and obscene state-
Yeah to the guy who doesn't know how to ride your bike. We saw you fall and we laughed.
Call 864-0500
Do all the 'no soliciting' signs on campus mean there won't be any more old men on campus with Bibles trying to convert all the Jewish people?
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Hey Natalia from England, your wallet just got turned in to Wescoe.
Are the three Bs still in effect? Because I want to go out this weekend and I'm not a sorority girl.
Oh dear Free for All, I have been waiting to get on the bus for 45 minutes.
waiting for 45 minutes ... Oh wait, no, 50 minutes.
--waiting for 45 minutes ... Oh wait, no, 50 minutes.
I'm trying to figure out how many times I can call before the bus picks me up because I've been
》 GUEST COMMENTARY
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This is the girl who has been waiting for the bus. I could have walked home faster.
One hour later, the bus girl is finally on the bus.
KU needs to learn how to market itself
Dear University of Kansas Marketing Department:
I see that KU did not meet its long-term ambitions to be a top-25 public university in this year's U.S. News and World Report. I feel a spirited obligation to share my developed eye for strong marketing campaigns with you. As there is no difference between illusion and truth, the following suggestions are the only hurdle between a place in the 30s and a top-10 spot.
First, I notice many grungy people — construction workers and other blue-collar folk — are allowed to sport Kansas apparel. These Kansaspirited fellows inevitably depress me, as I must contemplate whether their career awaits me and my English degree. I suggest we become far more selective about who may don crimson and blue. We can begin immediately by buying the less desirable out of their KU clothes.
Waste not want not — we can give these same shirts to intellectuals and aesthetics across the country, pensive people who can help us strengthen an underdeveloped correlation outside the state between Kansas and thinking. The wear and tear the apparel may have sustained would add authenticity.
My last recommendation solves a problem I often encounter outside our wheat-enriched state. "KUU" I hear. "You go to Kentucky?" Rather than adding curls and serifs to the ambiguously abbreviated KU, let us change our name entirely to something that strikes one with the immediate conviction of high standards. I imagine we can rise 10 spots in one sweep with a name like "Old Money Power University" or something resonant of mythic veneration like "Zeus: The University."
I have complete faith that the inefficiencies addressed above are the only blockades between our current home in the second tier and a chic top-tier position in the U.S. News and World Report next year. Best of luck.
Second, I cannot help but recognize that buildings on campus are named after non-famous people. Malott — the name means nothing to me. Let us solicit small donations from students and alumni with famous last names and replace building names like Wescoe with ones more suggestive of stunning capability like Franklin. We can also reconcile recent controversies by renaming a program, like the Richard Dawkins School of Evolutionary Science.
I suggest our University remain in a constant state of construction as to appear on the rise in a big way. We can hire student architects to draw designs of ambitious buildings, reminiscent of DeCorbusier or Frank Lloyd Wright, and post them in front of plots on and near campus. The trick is to build very slowly and to never finish. Kansas seems to have this approach down pat on funded projects; let us adopt the approach to projects where funding is "in progress."
Mike Barry Dallas senior in English
》TALK TO US
Jonathan Kealing, editor
864-4854 or jealking@kansan.com
Erik R. Schmidt, managing editor
864-4554 or aschmidt@kansan.com
Dave Ruigh, associate opinion editor
884-4924 or druigh@kansan.com
Gabriela Souza, managing editor
86424 souza or gozaune@kanan.com
Frank Tankard opinion editor
86424 franku@kanan.com
Kyle Hoedl, business manager
864-4014 or khoedl@kansan.com
Lindaey Shirak, sales manager
864-4462 or lshirak@kanan.com
Makson Gibon, general manager, news adviser
964-7878 or mgibonkakanan.kansen.com
SUBMISSIONS
Jennifer Weaver, sales and marketing expert
864-7666 or jweaver@kansan.com
The Kansan welcomes letters to the editor and guest columns submitted by students, faculty and alumni.
General questions should be directed to the editor at editor@kansan.com
The Kansan reserves the right to edit, cut to length, or reject all submissions. For any questions, call Frank Tankard or Dave Laugh at 864-4810 or e-mail opinion@kansan.com.
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Maximum Length: 500 word limit
Include: Author's name; class, home-
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ber/staff); phone number (will not be
published)
Also: The Kansan will not print guest
columns that attack a reporter or
another columnist.
Maximum Length: 200 word limit
Include: Author's name and telephone number; class, hometown (student); position (faculty member/staff); phone number (will not be published)
GUEST COLUMN GUIDELINES
EDITORIAL BOARD
Jonathan Kealing, Erick R. Schmidt, Gabriella Souza, Frank Tankard, Raúl Jaugh, Steve Lynn, Louis Mors and Mars Caputo
SUBMIT TO
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Lawrence, KS 60045
(789) 984-4810, opinion@kansan.com
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