OPINION
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Cohen: Groups should do more to celebrate Constitution Day.
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
MONDAY, OCTOBER 8,2007
NICE AND ACCURATE PROPHECIES
PAGE7A
Hatred of childhood suits evolves into appreciation
Donning formal wear for special occasions made me miserable as a kid,but now I look forward to it
GARDENING TIPS
never understood why people dress up their children.
Here's the image: a kneehigh-to-a-pig's-eye businessman with an abnormally large head framed by the worst haircut his mother could choose for him and gigantic blue eyes smearing chocolate all over the shirt cuffs that probably cost his mother a lot.
This picture haunts me every time I put on a suit, because that little chocolate-smudged businessman was me, age 6. The suit was blue and had a powder-blue shirt and clip-on bow tie (which to this day I still think was the coolest article of clothing I ever owned).
I look like Tom Thumb in the photographs my parents show me. It was a friend's wedding, sometime around 1991 or so. The bride looked like Princess Diana by way of Wichita.
Anyway, I remember the novelty of the suit and the stern talking-to my mother gave me about keeping it clean. I also remember an altercation with the ring-bearer (a snotty little cuss with whom I had a fight at the reception—I showed him what-for).
I don't like weddings. I've been to two in my life. That first one when I was too tiny to care about anything but running in circles until I fell down and rode the wave of dizziness to nirvana.
The second wedding was that of my eldest cousin. I was 16 and big enough to wear one of my dad's old suits.
Other than weddings, the only other times I wore suits growing up were funerals. Again, I've only ever been to two. One was a neighbor lady who died when I was 10 and
I don't much like funerals either, come to think of it. I plan on skipping on all of them from now until eternity. I will attempt to live forever just so I don't have to sit—or rather lay—through my own funeral.
It's amazing to me that I've developed a love of wearing suits. But to this day, the perversion of that first suit makes me cringe whenever I see matrons of honor leading their small children by the hands on their way to the chapel; the boys in suits that you can tell they don't want to be in and the girls wearing white cotton gloves and facial expressions that ask the silent question, "Why am I wearing gloves when it's not snowing out, Mommy?"
the other was my grandfather, a Korean War veteran who was cool because he was the only grandparent I had who walked with a cane and used to take me fishing in MacArthur Lake. I recall crying like a banshee with a sinus condition through the whole thing. I'm pretty sure my extended family was annoyed by it.
They're cute, but miserable. If it weren't for the cake I don't think kids would ever submit themselves to "children's formal wear."
Smith is a Rose Hill graduate student in English.
Non-conference schedule smacks of greed
Athletic Department practices only increase cynicism regarding the football program
BRANDON T. MINSTER
As a critic of the football team's incredibly soft non-conference schedule, I was concerned last week when I opened the paper and was told I had been quieted by the team's four victories. Really? I thought I felt vindicated. Why hadn't anyone told me sooner how I felt?
The reality is that I am far from quieted. The non-conference schedule shows just how cynical and money-hungry the Athletics Department is. The football program has an all-but-notarized plan for reaching a lacrative bowl game: destroy
four small schools, beat Iowa State (and K-State yesterday), and hope one other game accidentally goes its way. Last year Kansas went to Missouri and found itself in a competitive game late in the third quarter, only to quit playing twenty minutes earlier than the Tigers, who went on to win 42-17.
Just how unfit for a bowl game was last year's team? I brought my kids to sit on the hill and watch the first half of the Oklahoma State game. When we left at halftime, with Kansas winning 14-0, my daughter asked me who won.
"No one yet," I said. "But with the way KU's been playing this year, I bet Oklahoma State will." The Cowboys came back for a 42-32 victory.
Throw in the Baylor fiasco (a blown 18-point fourth quarter lead) and it embarrasses me
that anyone spent any time at all last year talking about going to a bowl game. Time was; bowl games were for good football teams. Now, evidently, they are for just about anybody.
Before this season began we heard why we shouldn't discount the strength of this schedule. Then, after winning the first four games by a combined score of 214-23, Coach Mark Mangino said, "I feel like we've been tested about as much as I wanted to be for the first four games." Those first four opponents now have a combined record of 4-15, and some analysts call Kansas's schedule the weakest in the entire FBS. So, in translation, Coach Mangino didn't want to be tested at all.
The department should just come clean and say, "We like money." From the decision to charge infants full price (you know, for fire regulation purposes) to the decision to squeeze
the hillside with stadium views out of existence (because a football team that plays all its games outdoors needs to practice indoors) to the decision to claim trademark to the word "Kansas" and the color blue (since why else would anyone buy our overpriced licensed clothing) to the decision to increase the licensing fee while limiting the amount of revenue the Chancellor's office receives (because, um, well, just because), the University has shown its top priority is making money for the athletic corporation.
Maybe it's time for Kansas to follow Kansas State's lead and adopt new traditions. The football team can change its name from Jayhawks to Moneymakers, and the KU "power towel" can be a dollar bill.
Minster is a Lawrence senior in economics.
DRAWING BOARD
MAX RINKEL
FREE FOR ALL:864-0500 OR KANSAN.COM/FACEBOOK
Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. Kansan editors reserve the right to omit comments. Slanderous and obscene statements will not be printed.
If we can win by playing crappy it's going to be a much better season than people thought.
It is time for all K-staters to look up to KU and to show their respect and admiration for KU like I always have.
Screw Dave Matthews, bring Weezer to campus!
Free for All, hey, last night, I thought about you and a half-dollar sized discharge filled my pants. (Editor's Note: Ew.)
Free for All, the rate at which I get laid is directly improportional to rate at which i shower.
I need some ass. I don't care what she looks like. I need it!
One man's toxic waste is another man's potpourri.
You're ruining it, you make me feel like I'm at the doctor's.
If anybody found a blue KU hat on the 4th floor of Wescoe or on the 3rd floor of the Union could you please take it to either 4070 Wescoe or the Market lost and found.
If you lost a hat on the 4th floor of Wescoe, you don't want it back. I'm sure it, like the floor itself, smells exactly like a sweaty, crusty jockstrap.
I'm VERY glad we won today's game! BUT we didn't look great doing it. Don't expect to be ranked just from smashing four Tinkerbells and squeaking past KSU. I'd LOVE to see the 'Hawks up there, though.
It's Oct. 6 and it feels like Aug. 6. I freakin' love it.
It's masturbating, not masterbating. Dumbass.
We won, we won, we won, we
won, we won, we won, we won.
Make some guy's day: flash your boobies.
Next time we play at Manhattan, we should tear down their goalpost, put it on a truck, drive it to Lawrence, and throw it in Potter Lake. Then, we'll make them come
I'm so happy KU won! I haven't been this trashed in a long time and it's only 4:40 p.m.
Two strikes for Mangino, not taking the field goal, and not kicking the extra point. Why go
I wonder how many people are absolutely hammered right now in both Manhattan and Lawrence.
What was up with KU's receivers? I haven't seen that many dropped balls since middle school.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk. I love you.
for two?
Power Towel was a bust.
Did you not see that? The kicker had to make a throw. I hardly think they would have done that if they were going for two. The snap was bad and the ball was dropped. Next time, try watching the game.
My dog just ate my textbook. I guess I can't do homework!
Free for All, the game starts in 10 minutes, is it too late to put a Benjamin on KU beating the spread?
It's dude, or the duder, or el
duderino for those who aren't into
the whole brevity thing.
In the words of McLovin, I have a boner.
Today I spent an hour at the physical therapist's office in Watkins because I threw out my back playing ultimate frisbee. Free For All, please end this lunacy.
All, please end this lunacy.
What do you do when you're all alone in your room? Free for All, will you come over and play?
When I wake up late, I Febreze myself.
I have to urinate profusely!
Free-For-All, why does the 14th Street hite hate me so much? It takes my oxygen away from me every morning and I don't understand why.
KU on Wheels has to be the worst run organization in the city How hard is it to make circles all
When I die, I want to come back as a campus bus, with all right-of-way all the time. Even on the sidewalks.
There's this crazy dude at Watson Library. He's a student, he was shelving books yesterday and I swear he was yelling at the books
Will somebody tell my roommate that 'not fat' does not equal hot?
in an almost Marge Simpson voice!
People need to stop smoking at the top of the Wescoe stairs. The smoke has nowhere to go.
A sorority girl just asked me if it was against the rules to walk on the left side of the sidewalk.
(Editor's Note: This isn't the United Kingdom.)
Just drove 12 hours straight to be in Kansas for the weekend. I miss you guys.
Hey Cubs fans, you guys aren't cursed. You just suck.
Ever since the 'Bitch and Moan' section of Jayplay got removed, all people do on Free for All is complain. Coincidence? I think not.
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Erick R. Schmidt, Eric Jorgensen,
Daria Silipe, Kelsey Hayes, Bryan
Dykman, Brandon T. Minister, Angelique
McNaughton and BerrianJ R. Smith
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