09.27.2007 JAYPLAY
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HAWK TOPICS
PRESIDENT BUSH MAKES AN EMBARRASSING GAFFE DURING A PRESS CONFERENCE, REFERRING TO SOUTH AFRICAN LEADER NELSON MANDELA AS DEAD, WHEN IN FACT MANDELA IS STILL ALIVE
A more embarrassing moment occurred later when Bush couldn't describe where South Africa was located.
2 Beleaguered celebrity Britney Spears is charged with misdemeanor counts of hit-and-run and driving without a license just days after being ordered to undergo random drug testing to retain custody of her children.
of her children. At this point, would a Britney Spears suicide be considered tragic?
A student at the University of Florida is arrested and tasered during a Q & A session with Democratic Senator John Kerry. Senator Kerry would later refer to the event as the most electrifying speech of his career.
6 THE CANADIAN DOLLAR, VALUED AT JUST 62 CENTS FIVE YEARS AGO, REACHES EQUAL VALUE WITH THE RAPIDLY DECLINING AMERICAN DOLLAR.
How embarrassing. Well, at least now our healthcare will be cheaper than theirs...oh, right.
THOUSANDS OF PROTESTORS MARCH IN THE SMALLTOWN OF JENA, LOUISItions about his well-being drew only his famous silence.
ANA, IN SUPPORT OF THE JENA SIX TEENAGERS, WHOSE AT-TEMPTED MURDER CHARGES ARE ALLEGEDLY RACially MOTIVATED. Even though it's obvious they have their fans, I still say 'Jena Six' is a crappy name for a boy band.
7 Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gives a speech at Columbia University amid protests and harsh criticisms.
5 Legendary mime Marcel Marceau, credited with reviving the ancient art over his 60 year career, dies at the age of 84.
It took several days for anybody to realize that Marceau was dead, as repeated questions about his well-being drew only his famous silence.
American billionaires worth under $1.3 billion actually left off of the list.
8 Former news anchor Dan Rather sues CBS for S70 million for making him a scapegoat in the forged documents scandal
What made the protests less effective than hoped was the fact that it's really hard to fit "Ahmedinejad" on a sign, much less spell it correctly or use it in a pun or a rhyme.
concerning Pres. Bush's alleged National Guard service.
Rather stressed that hed be willing to settle the lawsuit for a spot on the next season of Big Brother, or possibly even a supporting role on CSI: Miami.
10 The Forbes 400 richest Americans list is made up entirely of billionaires for the first time, with 82
Aw, did Clooney get a boo-boo? Consider that a down payment for the pain and suffering you inflicted with "Batman and Robin."
9 Actor George Clooney suffers a broken rib in a motorcycle accident outside New York City.
In related news, "No-Shoes Johnson" topped the Forbes 400 Poorest Americans list, tying 399 other poor Americans with a net worth of zero dollars.
THINK YOU HAVE A BETTER JOKE? E-MAIL ME AT HAWKTOPICS@KANSAN.COM
TOMORROW'S NEWS VIDEO GLASSES
If you've ever wanted to watch porn, West Side Story or your favorite episode of "Scrubs" in crowded places without anyone knowing, then we've got just the thing for you.
The genius minds of Myvu Corp. have invented a "personal media viewer" that lets you watch movies, podcasts, TV shows, and other downloadable visuals with a pair of spectacles.
"It looks like a TV six feet in front of you," says Bruce Lampert, Myvu's vice president of marketing. "Like a TV floating in front of you surrounded by black space."
The video goggles, equipped with noise-cancelling earbuds, plug in to various video-capable iPod models and other devices, such as DVD players, mp4 players and camcorders. If you're visually impaired, Myyu sells prescription clips that fit between the video glasses and your eyes—no squinting.
It's crisp and clear and very bright,"Lampert says of the device's picture quality.
"We've solved the small screen dilemma on portable devices."
You can purchase the device, which debuted in January, at www. myvu.com, www.apple.com and various retailers. Expect to pay $200 to$ 300 for this one-size-fits-all wonder.
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